A day in the life of a 26 year old...

I can't explain why, but for some reason I have a good feeling about this year. Generally when I turn older, I'm filled with a lot of negative energy. I worry about aging and how I'll never do all the things I want to set out too.

Honestly, I thought this year was going to be worse. But something happened, something occurred and I can't quite place my finger on it, but it filled me with a sense of ... well... contentment and security. It could've been finding out I have some pretty good friends (though I still question this a lot! You know who you are!), it could've been remembering how much my family cares for me (Yes, my devil incarnate Lil Sister as well), or maybe it was just growing a year older.

I'm not sure what it is, but I really have a good feeling about this year. Now, I hope I didn't just jinx it, but hey wouldn't you be bragging if you felt good about turning 26 as well? Of course, it will be interesting to see how long this feeling lasts. If it lasts up until the 2nd of Jan, I'll consider it a success.

So, with this new feeling boiling up within me I decided to make a few changes. Of course nothing as drastic as joining the gym. More along the lines of modifying Suzzanne. Something I've been meaning to do for months but have either been lazy or just not had the cash for. Now modifying Suzzanne will be a 3 phase project.

Phase 1: Getting rid of the backseat and making her a single seater. I believe since she's my bike and since I abhor sharing my things. The best way to stop myself from giving rides to people (especially those that I don't like!) is to simply remove the rear seat. Now in the process, she looks so much better. Now she looks cleaner, sleeker and oh so much sweeter. Of course this also helps me avoid getting into trouble. Let me tell you, the kind of trouble you can get into with a rear seat, well I'm just happy it's gone.

As for Phase 2 and 3, well I'll discuss them in other posts as they.

Of course Phase 1 pretty much took up my entire day and hence let me feeling pretty good about day one of my 26th year. Not even having my helmet stolen could dampen my spirits. Truth be told I've been meaning to change my helmet for a while. I think this was a sign.

Finally, thank you all that wished me and remembered my Birthday. Those of you that didn't wish me or remember, well there is always next year.

My First post of my 26th year!

This gift is from my darling Mom, Didi and Dada (Alan!).

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=lGQwIqljhic

Enjoy!

Thanks for all the best wishes people!

Counting down.... 3... 2... 1....

So three hours left before I turn 26. To think I'm actually turning 26 tonight / tomorrow. I've heard its all downhill from here. I'm doing my best to not believe that, but so far I'm failing miserably. Anyway, I thought I'd list down all the stuff I feel I've accomplished and maybe a few lessons I learnt this year. Of course they won't be in any particular order, but it should be interesting if I can come up with at least 10.

So here goes:

1) Bought my first Bike / Car : Ok, down payments are a bitch! However, the monthly installments are pretty low. Maintenance and gas can also be a little irritating. Is it worth it? So far the bike hasn't gotten me laid, but I have a feeling that's more my shortcoming than my bikes. All said and done, she's awesome and I'm glad I bought her.

2) Learnt to drive a Bike / Car : Ok, so some of you may consider this cheating, but really I don't. I actually can't believe that I had to wait till I was 25 to get my license. Something always came in the way before that.

3) Made a bunch of new friends, lost a bunch of old ones : So, yeah this was a funny year with regard to friends. I feel maybe I've changed a lot and well bottom line is a lot of friends that I've known for a while, well guess we just all went our different ways. On the flip side a couple of new ones. One of them would be BWSP (Batman Wannabe Scared of Pigeons!) and definitely a few others. You know who you are.

4) My Lil Sister : I found out that I can finally connect with my Lil sister again, this took me over a year to get done. I'm glad we managed to work things out.

5) Failures : This was the year of numerous failures, but in retrospect, the weren't all bad. Thing's could definitely have been a lot worse than they were. And after all what are failures except instances to learn from right? Or so we keep telling ourselves that. Well I'd like to think I'm a better man for them. I'm probably not, but I can always hope.

6) Reading comics : So I managed to read a whole ton of Comics this year, I feel that's definitely an accomplishment. I mean I read the entire Death of Superman series, Batman : Cataclysm, the Justice League of America Series and so many more.

7) Stupidity : In bed with a girl and calling out another girl's name. Hilariously Stupid.

8) Dad : Thanks, took you a while, but it's nice having him back in my life. In some form or the other.

9) Moments : This year, two things happened that entered my Top 3 moments ever. And none of them involved sex. Insane!

10) Craziness : I saw a 60 year old hitting on a 20 year old at a bar. That was craziness... they were asking each other homogeneous questions! What the hell is homogeneous???

See, told you, I'd struggle to come to ten! There is one more thing, it's not a lesson, not an accomplishment. It's just a wakening realization that there is hope for all of us out there in this crazy world. It's not necessarily a bright beacon, but it's there. I've also realised that my posts have turned into ramblings.

After recapping, It wasn't a bad year. I may not be a millionare superhero yet... but hey at least I'm on my way somewhere. A wise person reminded me of something: It's not getting to the goal that matters. The goal is actually the journey. Enjoy the journey and you'll have gotten to your goals.

So with that I bid thee adieu. Guess what!?! The next time I post I'll be 26. Woohoo!

Need Not.. Want Not... Waste Not.

You ever wonder if we got all the things we wished for, would it really make us happier? Or would we just end up wanting more and end up in a perpetual state of depression?

I recently got something I've been hoping for, it's something I've been thinking off for a while. Well, after I got it I wondered, maybe it was a mistake? Maybe I was better off without it? Maybe because I got it, things would be different? Not necessarily in a bad way, but just different. Maybe, I'd even end up more despondent than before?

I wonder maybe I'm not so happy now that I got it. I ask my self so many questions! Questions that earlier did not eat at me as much. What's worse is, I know I want more now, and I'm so sure I won't get any more.

Some would conclude that what I got was given to me by mistake. That maybe I didn't even deserve it. Of course, I'd like to think I deserved what I got, but I still wonder that maybe just maybe I was better off without it.

(If I come off incoherent right now, it's cause my thoughts have been incoherent for a while, that and I just downed a bottle of Port Wine. Chances are my thoughts are probably incoherent because of the Port Wine, but I like to believe I can hold my liquor!)

So I know now, that what I got was a "mistake", in that moment what I received may have made sense, maybe even had some meaning to it. But (and trust me, there is always a but!) in the grand scheme of things "it doesn't mean anything", that maybe "I should just not dwell upon it and let it be". Knowing this, would I allow for the mistake to happen again?

The answer is Simple. The answer is a simple, resounding Yes.

I would let all of it happen again. Just because a few people feel it's a mistake, doesn't always make it a mistake. It doesn't have to mean more than what it did for a moment. But then, I believe life is just a string of moments put together. Finally and this is the part that compels me to answer with a resounding Yes, even if, it was just for a moment. A moment that maybe lasted just twenty seconds... It felt so Right!

Time and again

A really good friend of mine lost her father today, as always I never know what to say when faced with a situation like this. I always think words are inadequate in these situations. I mean let's face it you have no idea what the other person is going through. In retrospect you also realise that it's only a matter of time before it's you that loses someone important. That's the really scary part.

I consider myself fairly lucky. I've gone through all my life without losing anybody that I truly care for, something that I am very grateful for. The only loss that I've truly felt is that of Sasha. She meant a lot to me, and to this day the only person that made me hate God. I screamed at him for it, and to this day I remember the noises she made right before she went. She died well before her time. On the flip side, I know she's a lot happier where ever she is, after all she doesn't have my brother to worry about anymore.

When my Mom's dad passed away I'm sorry to say I didn't care one way or the other. I was sorry for my Mom's loss cause in a lot of way's she doted on him. I guess that's the connection father's and daughters share. I however did not see his loss as affecting my life one way or the other. The point is, there may be just a few people you care about in your life and you never quite realise when they are ready to take their leave.

Cliche as it is, take a moment to reflect and savor all the people that are still with you. All it takes is a snap of a finger and everything you know can be lost.

To my friend, I wish to pass on my deepest sympathy's and all my love. I just hope you know that if you ever need anything from me, I'll try my best to be there for you.

Updates in the world of Zrd!

First of all why do I refer to my self as Zrd? I think it's a power name. You have the Z.. the r and the d! I mean really can you have a better set of initials in sequence like that? I don't think so!

If you are wondering, yes I am slightly tipsy right now, I've found myself writing whenever I am tipsy lately, and the first question that comes to my mind is "Am I that emotionally unstable??" the second question is "Am I drinking too much??" The third question is "Should I stop?" for some reason I enjoy having my happy buzz! Unfortunately, I also wish I had better people to share this happy buzz with!

So, I just promised my lil sister I'll be there for her birthday in Calcutta this year.. that means flying out on the 1st of Jan and coming back on the 5th of Jan... is it feasible? Yes it is! So guess the one trip I've been putting off for a long time is finally going to happen. I guess it's weird going back to a place where I barely have any roots is kinda weird. Worse yet, I have to meet the one Grandmother of mine whom I actually like. Why is it bad that I have to meet her? Well, it's cause she suffers from Alzheimer's and I doubt she'll remember me.

I just got back from the movie "The day the Earth stopped moving" and I have to admit, nice special effects. However does Keanu Reeves ever have more than one facial expression other than the "DUH!" look? At the end of the day I think I spent more money than was worth. Must remember to tighten the wallet strings!

So here I am, one week away from my 26th birthday and listening to "Don't stop believing" by Journey. I just left two of my friends on the street's of Bombay after a couple of drinks. They left apart, but more together than I've seen them in a long time. When I see them, I ask myself a lot of questions. Honestly, do we all end up more together when apart? Or do some of us manage to stay together. I guess we all just have to do what the song says and "don't stop believing".

Oh well, guess I'll go to bed now and reflect on the past week or two. On the flip side, my lil sister did promise not to make out with her boyfriend in front of me when I visit.

Friends and moments you take for granted

I always tend to take my friends for granted, and I'm sure a whole lot of you out there do. It's not just friends, it extends to family as well and obviously moments.

When I was in NYC, I took my best friend for granted, I took both of my roommates for granted (both of whom are people that you would kill to know), I took my Didi for granted (I am so sorry that I did!) and most of all I took all the time I spent there for granted.

It's funny, you wake up one day and look back and realise that without these people, you would be nowhere in life. In fact you wouldn't be half the man you are. It's also funny how an evening spent drinking beer makes you realise these things. Of course after that you realise you take all the beer drinking for granted. Let me tell you... never ever take the beer drinking for granted.

So here I am today, and all I can think about are the moments spent playing monopoly with my bro before he left for the states (I fleeced him for everything he had), or the moments spent playing Halo with my roommie, then there were the times spent discussing Michael Jordan with my other roommie along with all our past high school moments, don't lets forget the time spent with best friends talking about HCHHSSTT's and pounding back beers. Then the moments when your sister admits she thought you were the coolest thing ever or how about the fact that your Dad keeps asking you to eat dinner with him when you stay with him and then you finally have the time when your Mom Say's she's proud of you just cause it's you. How about those time's when my Didi cooked whatever I wanted for Sunday lunch?

I know I took all of this for granted, and I know I will continue to do so, cause hey that's who I am, and it's not an excuse! I would never excuse this behaviour, it's a character flaw and I know it. All I can say is I promise that one day I'll make up for it. It may take me a long time, but I will.

I still remember that one time, 2:30 am and making my way to a strip club... the night before Neil's graduation... moments, don't want to come off sappy, but these are once in a life time moments.

To my boy Sanka: You are right, it takes but a moment to make changes, but sometimes the changes that matter most are the ones that take longer than one moment.

Appraisal's, feedbacks, little sister's and women we can't get

So I just read my lil sister's blog (you can go read it at diggingpotatoes.blogspot.com). This pain's me a lot and I doubt I'll ever recover from admitting to it, but since I am a little buzzed from drinking I might as well admit: My lil sister is a better writer than I am. Right now is a good time for the Lord to strike me down with lightning and make me never have to live through the moment where she starts laughing at me and yelling "LOSER!". Seriously though, the post's may appear long and sometimes a little dreary, but definitely worth a read.

So it's that time of the month, when the higherup's in the company (No, I'm not one of them! Blasphemy.. I know!) decide to give us little people feedback on our performance and if we're good enough we get a salary increment. While I can't tell you if I received an increment or not, I can tell you my feedback was mostly positive. Trust me, I'm as surprised as you. I expected them to tell me to pack my bags and leave that very day. But I guess that's what makes feedback so important, you don't always know what kind of job your doing and sometimes you need somebody to tell you even if its not always positive.

So, I took Suzzanne (my bike for those not familiar) out for a nice long ride this past weekend, and let's just say I appreciate her all the more. A couple of us stayed out in a nice villa and spent all evening sipping whiskey and eating meat. Two of us even strayed out for a walk in the night and looked at the stars. All the while I was thinking two thoughts; "Why couldn't you be single and why can't I have met you seven years ago" and "two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl, year after year, running over the same old ground". Why is it that we always want something we can't have? Why is it sometimes just having a person near you can make all the difference between being absolutely bored and ecstatically happy? I guess, I could always make something happen in another lifetime? I'm sorry I don't mean to come of sounding so pathetic (Though I am off the opinion that my picture should be up next to the definition of the word pathetic in Webster's dictionary).

Well it's December, and I turn 26 this month. Time flies eh? I wonder what the 16 year old me would say if he saw where I was right now. I mean I have my own apartment, I ride a bike, I have a job that pays me well and gets me semi excited. But, I'm missing something... and I think I know what it is. No, I do know what it is... but I wonder, if I had it would I be happier? Wow, 26! Some how I can't fathom the fact that I'm actually an adult now. I guess we all yearn for the day's when we were 16? Almost a decade ago... a decade... sometimes, we just have to ask ourselves "where did we go wrong?" or is it "where did we go right?"

Like I said: I'm 26, I have a job, I have my own apartment, I ride a bike and while I may not be where I thought I would be when I was 16, I don't think I'm doing too badly. I may be single and I may not have found my calling in life; but I just realised that I have the next 10 years to change that.

Where has all the sanity gone?

The 26th of November, a day that will live in infamy! The day they woke up a sleeping giant! Wait.. who are we kidding! Let's be honest, 5 years from now we wouldn't remember a thing about the 26th of November if it weren't for the media constantly flashing reminders of the violence.

Y'all think I'm being "insensitive, uncaring, and definitely crass" don't you? The way I look at it, I'm just being honest. By the way I don't speak from ignorance, I speak from experience.

I'm 25 years old (Unfortunately, not for long) and in my 25 years I've been victim to many an act of violence. I was beat up by my older brother growing up (Thanks Dada!), I was made fun of as a kid (Children can be Oh So Cruel!), I was once close to being molested in the elevator of a country that can only be defined as the armpit of Satan, there was also the time I flew into Delhi Airport right as Rajiv Gandhi was killed and I was stuck in a hotel all night by myself at the tender age of 9 (was very close to being kidnapped as well!), there was also the time that I was in a building and it got hit by a plane.. oh wait! You know that as 9/11! and finally the times I got robbed at gun point, followed finally by 26/11! (What an anti climax eh??). I also love how creative us Indians are, we really couldn't come up with a name with more impact? I mean 26/11 was the best we had to offer? Who came up with this? I need to do research and find the name of the genius behind it!


How can one guy experience so much violence? I don't know! That's a story for another day. The point of this post is: after all of this I don't remember what day they happened on and for the most part barely acknowledge them happening. This is not me repressing. This is just me getting numb to all the violence around me. On September 11th of 2008 let me tell you, I did not spend any time mourning the dead. As shocking as it is, I didn't even recall what had happened 7 years earlier. In fact, how numb am I? A colleagues brother of mine was kidnapped, half his body burnt, tied and bound into a suitcase and left in the boot of a car. When I found out, all I could say was "That sucks".

I think we're all just surrounded by so much violence that we tend to get numb to it. I partially blame the media, it doesn't help when all your broadcasts are oriented towards sex and violence. Fortunately, I enjoy sex so I don't plan on getting numb to that, but violence can get a little irritating after a while.

All you people out there coming up with support groups for the injured and dead, or asking our political leaders to take some action, or hey even the the people that went to the Ground Zero to mourn the dead... I have a question for all of you... where were you before the violence took place and what did you do to try and stop it? Me, at least I have an excuse. I'm just numb.