My First Closure

Its taken a while, but finally its done. I got what I've been waiting for, and its been a long time coming let me tell you. People always underestimate the value of closure. I never understood that, I've always believe that you need closure in everything you do, otherwise you will go on questioning everything around you and more importantly yourself. Without closure comes doubt.

It doesn't matter what you need it for. It could be for a job you quit because you didn't feel you were getting recognition (Go to the BOSS and let him know whose da man!), could be that you were a world famous athlete but failed to retire on a positive note (Michael Jordan ala 2002), could also be when you approached that HCHHSSTT at the bar and she refused to give you an answer (Silence is not always golden, I wish women would remember that!), and finally it could be that one relationship of yours that didn't work out because of circumstances and you've never known if it could work out (These are the worst one's they haunt you, they really do!).

Sometimes all it takes to get closure is a simple phone call (this is my favourite way!), sometimes a life altering event and sometimes you could just end up knocking on heavens door. How you get it doesn't matter, all that matters is that you have to move on. We all have our insecurities, why would you want to add to it?

Me, I got my closure and it was great. I'll be honest I knew I needed it, just didn't realise how much I needed it. While this all may seem soppy, sad and sentimental, all us Manly Men know that sometimes to be a man, you've got to admit accept the truth, not everything can be funny no matter how hard you try.

In the end all I know is next time I'm at a bar and I spot an HCHHSSTT, I'm going to get me some answers Clint Eastwood style.

My First Thirty

Well, we've done it! What everybody thought impossible has been made possible. For those that doubted us, those that didn't think we had the guts to make it this far let alone the talent. In the words of the immortal Fez I say "Good Day!"

We should all be proud that we've come this far with so little. One must look at this as a lesson in life, it doesn't matter what cards are dealt to you but how you play the hand you are dealt. I truly feel like we've accomplished a great thing.

I finally understand what the great people feel like: Bill Gates, Steve Jobs, Obama, Clinton(s) and Hitler! (Nah! I'm just kidding, not Hitler... only a moron could've lost WWII the way he did!). When you accomplish something so great, so fantastic, so... so... AWESOME! It makes everything else feel so trivial.

Let me also take this moment to say it wasn't easy, we lost a lot of good people along the way. Good people that we'll miss. There were times when we lost our way, but I feel we persevered and pushed on above and beyond what was expected of us.

Mom and Dad we've finally done it. We've reached 30 posts, and we're still going strong. I would take this opportunity to bring up some famous highlights from our older posts but I feel that would be too cliche. Instead I will just have you, my ardent viewers (Without whom none of this would be possible!) imagine that I did it. I would also thank God, but whats the point he already know how I feel!

Finally I would like to dedicate this post to all the HCHHSSTT's out there, without whom this would not be possible. Thank you! Thank you so much!

My First Irritation

This is something that I've wanted to talk about for a really long time. Its something that comes to my mind and stays there eating away at my mind, my head and my brain. I just didn't quite know when the appropriate time to discuss this would be.

Well after much contemplation, hesitation and doubt I have decided to speak about this subject. There I was riding my bike, trying to pay attention to the road and scope out possible HCHHSSTT's and obviously not succeeding at either. Its a wonder I haven't fallen down more than twice so far. Once, when it was raining and the bike slipped and the other time when I had to save those poor people from getting run over on the road but I digress that is for another time. So there I am riding away, trying to do the impossible job of multi tasking on two things that require absolute concentration, when suddenly my head itches.

That's right my head Itches! No, I do not suffer from dandruff. Yes, my hair is clean (shampoo it a minimum of 3 times a week). And its not the kind of Itch that goes away, its the kind that persists. Now, generally it would be a simple matter of scratching said Itch and being on my way. But, there are two problems that arise at this time; 1) I am riding a bike that requires both hands on the handle bar (one to clutch in, the other to brake and also helps to keep both hands to steer) and 2) I wear a friggin helmet. Have you ever tried to scratch your head through an helmet? Oh and worst of all do you really think I'm going to try and check out HCHHSSTT's when I have an itch I can't take care off.

I mean isn't it just like life to through you a curve ball when you are expecting a fast ball? Right when you are oh so comfortable, you start to itch.

My First Nightmare

I am so frigging scared, my palms are sweaty, my heart rate has tripled, and I have this nervous tick in my right eye that makes every HCHHSSTT think that I am winking at them. Lets just say my cheek's are not naturally this ruby red color.

I just don't know what to do, this is worse than the time I dreamt about these two HCHHSSTT's, one brunette and one red head and they made me choose between sleeping with them or eating the worlds largest, juiciest, most succulent 20 oz steak (I live in India, nuff said!). Hell its worse than the time I dreamt I was Superman flying in the sky when I lost my ability to fly and started falling to the ground. The only saving grace that time around was that I was invulnerable.

Well, the deal is I suddenly ran into a lot of cash, lets not say from where. I refuse to incriminate myself in any way, and I have this immense decision to make. Do I buy an Xbox 360? or a PS 3? Or Do I just not spend the money at all? (Yeah Right!)

Its a Nightmare I tell you, a nightmare. I think its worse than the time I met that HCHHSSTT, I gathered my courage and asked her for her number and she said "Yes". Do you realise how much pressure that can cause, getting a number from a HCHHSSTT. Nightmare!

And Yes, I just broke the all time record for using the phrase "HCHHSSTT" in one blog post.

My First Disagreement

I like to believe I am an agreeable person. Sure, there are times when I will take up an argument because I believe the other person to be completely demented (You know who you are!). However, on an everyday basis I would like to believe that I am not argumentative in nature.

Now, keeping this in mind I have a question to ask: Why in the world do women disagree with everything we say? They know we are speaking the truth, yet they chose to disagree. When we are right, as far as they are concerned we are wrong!

They choose to disagree for the sake of disagreeing! This is something that is prominent in all women, My mom (God Bless her soul, I love her dearly!) always chooses to disagree with me, and I can never understand "Why?". My sister, well she's a brat so that doesn't need much of an explanation. Women I work with, chose to disagree with everything us men have to say, I think its done on principle for them. Whatever you say, women will disagree. Now, I'm not saying that we are always correct, nobody is perfect. But, the extent to which they take it is ridiculous.

The worst example is when you go out with your Female Drinking Buddy (FDB going forward) and you come across an HCHHSSTT, and your FDB basically says that there is no way you can land the girl. The fact that you could actually land her has nothing to do with it, she'll just tell you that you can't! Better yet when you are discussing if the HCHHSSTT is wearing underwear or not, your FDB will still disagree all the while knowing that you should not be doubted on a topic like this.

I really do wish women would disagree less, it would lead to a more peaceful world. A world of harmony and happiness! Why can't we all just get along?

My First Man Crush

First of all before we even go further, I want to state for the record that I am not gay, I am straight. Completely heterosexual and if you need proof all you have to do is leave me in a room with an HCHHSSTT (I had to bring it up this time, I went an entire post without mentioning it!) and I promise the results will prove my heterosexuality.

Now, I'm sure all of us have at some point or other had a Man Crush, a Man Crush is an innocent thing, it could be because the person is an Awsome Athlete: Michael Jordan comes to mind along with Kobe Bryant, it could be because the person is an awesome Musician: Kurt Cobain, Jim Morrison (You know who you are!), or for the really weird people Michael Jackson. The person could also be a Billionaire Entrepreneur: Steve Job's, Bill Gates and Richard Branson come to mind.

The point is all heterosexual men suffer from Man Crushes, and its nothing to be afraid of! Does it mean you are gay? Hell No! It's OK to admire other men, its a very natural thing to do. After all if women can comment and admire other women why can't us men admire other men. I would like to take this moment to reitterate that I am not gay, I am completely heterosexual and I think I have proven it time and time again.

Its just that I felt that we needed to discuss this for all the men out there that go through this and feel shame. We should not feel shame for feeling admiration for a man that has achieved great things and has accomplished so much. Lets be honest, if these men were in fact women, we would be all over them! I mean can u imagine a chick that plays a guitar like Slash and is an HCHHSSTT! I know I would be worshipping the ground she walks on.

My point is, a Man Crush is normal and all Manly Men will admit to it. Its who we are, its what drives us to reach for new heights of greatness! Lets us not make fun of men and their Man Crushes instead let us respect them for being Manly Men and admitting that they admire other Manly Men that deserving of their admiration. However, I would like to point out if you do have a Man Crush for Boy George. Elton John or Peewee Herman you may want to consider coming out of the closet.

I would also like to point out again, I am not gay! I am completely heterosexual and love women. My Man Crush for Batman and Superman is perfectly normal!

My First Time

So the time has come, that I finally discuss the first time. Yep, THE FIRST TIME!

While some of you will be very interested in reading about this, some of you may not and there will be a few (very few) that will be repulsed. Unfortunately, it can't be helped. We all knew this time would come sooner or later and there is just no time like the present.

Most people treasure their First Time, and I guess in many ways I probably treasure my First Time too. On reflection I always wonder what I could have done differently to make it more special. Then it occurs to me, can your First Time even be special? There you are fumbling, bumbling and stumbling your way around and lets be honest all of us fumble, bumble and stumble the First Time. So how exactly is this supposed to be special?

The fumbling, bumbling and stumbling would make you believe that maybe your First Time isn't special, maybe its the Seventh Time that would be special. I mean if you haven't figured out things by your Seventh Time you are pretty much a goner. You would be destined to spend the rest of your life in misery because of your sheer lack of competence. For the record my Seventh Time was pretty special. Not just because I managed to get to seven but also because I'd like to believe I wasn't fumbling, bumbling and stumbling about as much.

I believe I'm different from most people (Yeah, we all say it! But the difference is I believe it!). Most people the First Time over compensate and well lets just say they can't handle the pressure and release early. Not me, I didn't over compensate and I sure didn't release early... I just couldn't start. There I was and I couldn't start. Ever hear the expression "Deer in headlights", well that was me. It's not like I didn't want to start, its just that I couldn't start, In retrospect I guess even the best of things won't start when they don't want too.

And let me tell you, contrary to public opinion laughter is not the best medicine, especially at a time like this! Not only was it not appreciated, but First Time laughter nearly got me killed.

Eventually I did get started and things turned out pleasantly enough, was it as good as the Seventh Time? Of course not but you live and you learn.

And No! This time I am not talking about the First Time I rode my bike. That was worse!

My First Dedication

So I've been asked by a friend to write about her in my blog. Now, I could do the noble thing and write her a rave review. I could also just do what I usually do and ignore her request. However, I've decided to go against the norm and not only write about her, but try and make it interesting for all my ardent readers out there. How interesting? Well, its probably good toilet reading material.

So this friend, well she's an HCHHSSTT.

She's funny in spurts, she's equal amounts irritating and generous. She is the worlds worst back seat driver, but man does she look hot on the back of a bike. She follows sports, she is smart and brags about the fact that she is a professional over and over again (except you wonder how exactly she managed to become one, more on that later!) and like I said, she an HCHHSSTT.

And no, I'm not sleeping with her. However, I did date her once. Which puts me at one HCHHSSTT more than what most men get in a lifetime.

Remember, I said she was smart, well yeah she is except when it comes to men. She can be a little bit of a duh on that topic. Wait, not just men but a couple of other things too.

This one time a random guy gets her number and calls her using work as an excuse, then asks her to dinner and drinks and takes her out to a hot club, and basically does everything an average loser of a guy would do in an attempt to get laid. Now most women by this time would realise whats going on and either ditch the loser or sleep with him. Nope, not this girl she thinks he's being nice and only wants to help her career!

As far as she is concerned a "Split AC" is supposed to actually split in two and cool two rooms. Recently her significant other bought a Split AC for their apartment and she screamed at him for 20 minutes, cause it didn't cool two rooms.

Don't even get me started on when we go watch a movie, she constantly loses the plot literally and figuratively.

Now, you guys are probably wondering why am I wasting my time writing about her and your time making you read this dedication to her. I could say its in an attempt to get her in bed, but lets be honest I know and she knows it would never work out. She's just too much of an HCHHSSTT for me. We tried once and failed miserably.

No, I guess its just my way of letting her know how I feel about her. Equal amounts frustration and love.

My First Decision

I have come to a decision, one that I expect will land me in a lot of trouble, but its one I have spent considerable time over and have decided to take sacrifice my well being for the team. I feel like a matyr right now, infact if this was a perfect world: a) I wouldn't have to post what I'm about too, b) Even if I did have to post it, I would receive knightship/sainthood for saying it or c) worst case scenario I would die and get a whole bunch of naked female virgins waiting for me up above.

Now I request all the women in the world to please read the following lines carefully: Facial hair does not look good on women!

That's right facial hair is for men, and even then only for Manly Men. You see I understand that its hard to avoid facial hair, I really do. I understand your plight, but the fact is that little xtubble you have on your chin, well its just not working for you. Not even when you bleach it and think we can't see it! It doesn't matter if the hair is black, blonde, peach or sunshiny bright its still hair that we can see, and well, you will kill me for saying this but it has to be done: Its just not right!

Please, for the sake of all that is good in this world thread that moustache, wax that beard (or whatever it is that gets rid of it!) and for god sakes side burns are not in! Not on men and definitely not on women.

I know us men, we're ugly and we're not much too look at even on our best days but the fact is women are beautiful, especially all the HCHHSSTT and its a travesty that the one of the few things in the world that makes it as awesome as it is, allows a small thing like facial hair to get in the way. If it was upto me, I would have the government invest money into researching ways to remove facial hair on women with minimal paid and effort, unfortunately its not upto me (see this is where the world is not perfect!).

So please for the sake of the betterment of this world, I emplore you to do whats right!

My First Drink

I think I know why I do it, but I don't think I'll ever stop! For once I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about drinking. Now for all you alchoholics out there, I just want to tell you "No, I am not an alchoholic", "No, I do not need help" and finally "Yes, if you drink alone at home every day with nothing else to do, Alchoholics Annonymous is a good place to go".

See, I enjoy drinking not so much for the sake of the actual alchohol as much as the stuff that follows later. I mean if you asked me to rate my favourite things that happen when drunk, I wouldn't know where to start!

I mean it could be the fact that every girl starts looking like a HCHHSSTT, or it could be all those deep philosophical conversations, it could be all the misplaced love that starts going around (I am not talking about homosexuality), the complete abandonment of all things sane and normal, or it could just be that it increases the chances of getting laid ((For all you romantics out there please replace the word "laid" with "making love") for everyone.

I really can't place my finger on any one of the above, its a combination of all I would think, with special emphasis on increasing the chances of getting laid.

I know, I know alchohol lowers your inhibitions, and if you wish to be this way all the time you are better of going to a psychiatrist to work out all your kinks. But, lets be honest $300 for an hour with the psychiatrist who probably is some old man with no personality or $20 for two drinks and the HCHHSSTT with no personality.

I think I know what I'm going to be doing tonight.

My First Wingman

You know what I hate most about men? They are all cock blockers! The problem with all men are that they refuse to share, they refuse to let bygones be bygones. Nope, all men love to cock block!

You go to a bar, see a Hot Chick in a high heels, short skirt and tight top (Going forward we'll refer to this as HCHHSSTT), you try to approach her, but this dude from no where cuts in and blocks you with his cock. Oh and to make it worse, he's not even dating her! They are just "friends" but he just can't stand the fact that you may actually score.

What men fail to realise is, the world is filled with HCHHSSTT's, its a big ocean and the possibilities are limitless. If men learnt to be better Wingmen, let me just say that we'd all be getting a lot more.

A good Wingman puts the other man ahead of him, he takes one for the team if he has to, he does whatever needs to be done! If more men learnt to be better Wingmen and didn't cock block as much, the world would be a better place.

In the spirit of Co-operation and Betterment of all MANkind, I say down with cock blocking and up with Wingmanship!

My First Friendship Zone

May-day! May-day! I'm heading into the Friendship zone!

What you may ask is the Friendship zone? Well, the Friendship zone is the bane of my (and all men's) existence. Its the one place you enter and never leave. The only way out is death. Its a most dreaded place, and you never realise you are there, until you actually enter.

Most men know what I'm talking about, cause lets be honest its happened to the best of us. You meet a really hot girl (high heels, short skirt and tight top... you know the deal by now!), you manage to get her number and before you know it, the two of you get along really well. You can talk to her about anything. Every hour you spend with her seem's like a nano second and you believe that maybe, just maybe she's the ONE!

Except, before you know it, you missed your cue (if there even was one) and you are now in the Friendship Zone, thats right you have become her best friend! Sure, you get to spend time with her, do all sorts of fun things with her, but at the end of the day you aren't getting anywhere near her bed.

Now the most natural thing to ask is, How does somebody avoid the Friendship zone? Well, guess what there is no real way in with which you can avoid this, we all know how "awesome" women are at giving you hints that you may or may not stand a chance. I mean lets face it, you think you do, but you don't. You just have to hope and pray that you didn't miss your exit off this one way street to the equivalent of Hell on Earth

Let me tell you, after what seem's like a lifetime of May-day's, it hurts just as bad every time you end up there.

My First Serious Post

I'm on top of the world, I had money, cars, hot women in high heels, tight tops and short skirts, I was on top of the world.

Then I woke up, and realised that I don't have money, cars and sure as hell no hot woman in high heels, tight top and a short skirt. Reality check.

Its funny that when you are younger, you see your future self being so awesome and then as you grow older, you realise that not only are you not where you thought you would be in life but you had fallen so far off from where you would be.

It makes you ask yourself a couple of questions: What was it that stopped you from getting to where you want? Lack of ambition? Bad luck? Lack of intelligence? (Yep, most of us think we're all smarter than we are!) or simply Fear?

Which one is it? I never thought that I'd suffer from lack of ambition especially if the end result got me a hot chick wearing high heels, a tight top and a short skirt? I knowI don't suffer from impotency so it definitely wouldn't be Fear either. Though I will admit approaching the girl in the short skirt, high heels and tight top would definitely scare the beejeezus out of me. I also know I don't suffer from a lack of intelligence! So, it must be bad luck!

I guess I could blame all my shortcomings on bad luck, thats awesome I knew it wasn't me! It's all a lot of bad luck!

Me, I'm intelligent, ambitious and awesomely cool!

You know what the funny part is? We're all lying to ourselves.

My First Hmmmm

There I was talking, dancing, laughing, doing all those things I normally do only when I'm either deliriously happy or ummm when I'm drunk! What is it about alchohol that lowers your inhibitions to the point where you actually make regrettable decisions?

I don't mean regrettable decisions like driving home drunk (as long as you don't kill somebody, if you do then you probably won't live to regret it), bribing the cop thats trying to give you a ticket, making promises to your significant other that you won't remember. These are all forgivable.

The decisions I'm talking about are the kind that trully make you wish you were dead. Remember the time you were so wasted you started doing pushups in the middle of a house warming party and thought you were so cool? How about the time you thought you were sober but you were actually dreaming it cause you had just passed out? What about when you thought you were in a bathroom peeing, but you actually pissed in your pants and imagined the urinal? Ever throw up on yourself and not remember doing it? Or the time you go and blow $400 in a strip club and start believing the stripper actually cares for you! and finally, my personal favourite, you wake up the next morning with no recollection how you got home and when you pee you completely miss the pot.

I guess the question we have to ask ourselves is, why do we do it?

Theanswer is simple, its the regrettable memories trully make you appreciate the sober ones.

My First Madness

I can think of a hundred things I would rather do right now than being stuck at work with nothing to do. This is what happens when you make sacrifices for the important things in life. All those sacrifices for that one love of your life. You eventually have to ask yourself, is it worth it?? Is the Juice worth the squeeze?

Here I sit, with nothing to do, personally I'd much rather be out watching the game having a bud. Instead, I'm stuck at work not watching the game and definitely not having a bud! All my colleagues are being cheap, they refuse to go out to get that bud, apparently drinking at work is wrong? I ask you who made these rules???

Like I said the things we do for love. Wouldn't it be simpler if this love didn't exist? I could be at home right now taking my afternoon siesta, or I could be watching some porn, or maybe just maybe I could be watching the game and having a bud. You see today is my day off, yet I am stuck at work. All because of the love I am questioning. I look in the mirror and question my sanity over and over again, because is this much boredom really worth the love?

What has this love given me so far? What? Sure, it keeps me occasionally busy in my free time, it helps me to get up and go and sometimes when it gets really cold, it keeps me warm.

On the flip side, the negatives are numerous, always haunting me, always making me regret my decisions, sometimes the pain I feel is just not worth it.

I guess thats the decision we all have to make, is this love worth all that we must give up? Is the Juice worth the squeeze?

It is worth it. It always will be worth it. I love my bike.

My First Little Thing

I've always known that life can offer us a lot of surprises. In the words of the immortal Mr. Gump "Life is like a box of Chocolates. You don't know what you're going to get till you open it". As corny as it sounds, that has to be one of my top five fave movie lines along with such greats as "Save us from what? ZE GERMANS?", "ADRRIIAAAAANNNNN", "Luke, I am your father", "More than meets the eye!" and finally "Here's lookin at you kid" (Cliche I know!).

My point is, Mr. Gump knew what he was talking about. Life is all about surprises, some pleasant and some, well not so pleasant. Its not the big life altering surprises, its the little things.

Its always about the little things: Hanging with other manly men for boys night out, playing basketball after 5 years and busting up your knee in the process making you realize you aren't 16 and you are getting old, Having your dad call you and cuss you out for giving his address as the permanent address on your credit card application and oh you forgetting to tell him, or finally just spending time with some good old friends and reminiscing about the time you shaved your eyebrow cause you thought "Vanilla Ice was cool!"

Its always about the little things, sure once in a while a great big surprise is awesome like realising you've won the lottery, but sometimes waking up next to the drunk girl you were chatting up at the bar the previous night is just as good.

When you finally add up all those little things, you get a box of chocolates.

My First Conundrum

Have you ever had one of those days, where you question everything that is going on around you? I mean you wake up in the morning and the first thing that comes to your mind is "Why?"

You are probably wondering "Why what?". Well... just why?

Why do we stare at the really hot chick on the road? (Ok, that one is easy, moving on!), Why do we spend 8 and half hours of our day working? (I can never explain this one to myself), Why do we spend an hour eating lunch?(I personally take 15 mins to eat and spend the next 45 mins avoiding work!) Why oh Why do we blog? (To keep the many ardent readers happy!)

Do we really know the answer to any of these questions I think I do, but I know I don't. You also think you do, but you know you don't!

I don't know why we do anything that we do, I like to believe its not destiny, its not fate. I mean what kind of life would we be leading if everything was pre-ordained and all our choices were not really our choices but just something written on stone by someone we may or may not believe in.
I really wish I knew why everything happens, but it occurs to me even if I know why something happens, will I be able to accept it. Whats better not knowing why something happens or knowing why something happens but not being able to accept it. I mean if I ask a girl out for dinner and she say's no, I ask why? If I got the answer would I be able to accept it? or would I be happier just not knowing why?

I guess the two "Why" questions that really rules all other "Why's" would be Why are we here and why are most of us going to spend it all alone?

My First Double

So, I've been getting a lot of flack from my female readers, they are under the impression that I hate women. First of all, I do not hate women. Women are like a box of chocolates, you never know what you are going to get till you open them (Yes, I stole that from Forrest Gump!)

You know what women do better than men? Women are better drinking buddies. Sure, every guy enjoys sharing a beer with their best friend from back in the day reminiscing about the first time they got drunk together, or that time they met this random chick in a bar and one of them tried to pick her up only to fail miserably, or that time they went to a strip club the night before graduation (True Story!). But really, none of that beats the positives of having a female drinking buddy.

For starters, assuming you have a hot chick for your drinking buddy, well lets just say it makes life easier when trying to pick up women at a bar. Lets face it, when other women see you standing there with a hot chick, it sends a positive message.

Second, most female drinking buddies are like guys, in the sense they are cool, lots of fun, talk absolute shit and can hold their liquor. There is one twist to it, they are way hotter than any dude you know. They have what I like to call T&A.

Third when you and your female drinking buddy start buzzing and feel like dancing, you don't have to worry about looking like an idiot, cause after all you will be dancing with a hot chick. The fact that she's your drinking buddy has nothing to do with it. Now, all the other women in the bar want to be with you and all the men want to be you.

And Finally, the clincher what makes women better drinking buddies than men, well if the girl gets so hammered and you get really hammered and the two of you end up waking up in the same bed the next morning, well lets just say it could've been worse.

My First Break

Well, let me start by apologising to all my ardent readers out there, I know you missed me. Its not that I was suffering from writers block, or that I may have given up on the blog, or simply that I forgot my log in name. It was more an issue of a dislocated knee, stuck in bed and having no internet connection at home.

How you may ask did I dislocate my knee, well i'll give you two versions and I will allow you my ardent reader to believe whichever you want.

1) I was coming home from a late night out, riding a bike when this crazy driver comes out of nowhere and sideswipes me. To avoid running into the pedestrians on the sidewalk I threw my bike in the opposite direction and ended up with my knee hitting the road and resulting in a dislocation! I saved people's lives and sacrificed my good health.

2) I was playing basketball after 5 years while being out of shape, resulting in a dislocated knee when chasing after a loose ball.

Hmmm... I personally think its the first one. Anyways, to make up for the lack of postings, I will be posting extra posts a day for the next 2- 3 days, till we catch up to the correct average of a post a day. Enjoy the extra reading material!

My First Double Standard

So, keeping in line with my last post, I have decided to give my ardent readers what they want. Thats right another post about women. I know some people feel its like beating a dead horse with a stick, and to some degree I would agree that maybe it is. However, like beating a dead horse with a stick (something I have never done!), this is also a lot of fun.

Have you ever noticed, that whenever you ask a woman to rate a random girl, they come up with very snide remarks about how us manly men have no taste. Apparently, either the girl is too fat, too thin, too ugly, too tall, too short, too smart, too dumb, too dressed up, too sexy or simply just too cool for school. We also then receive a lecture on increasing our standards along with the occasional demotivating speech on how some women are out of our respective leagues.

Is it me? or are women just way more picky than men? And then they have the gall to say we're picky! Pfft... I call shenanigans!

Now, this is where it gets interesting, you see women will always rate random women they don't know with objectivity and hate, but when they are about to introduce you to a friend you've never met, the ballgame changes.

I have come to the conclusion that if you are going on a blind date, which one of your female friends have set up for you, be prepared to use the following grading meter, so as to discern the truth behind the "Blind Date".

1) If your friend say's she is awesomely hot and smoking, this probably means she's attractive.

2) If your friend say's she is good looking and fun, this means she is above average in looks and relies on her personality to make up for any of her deficiencies.

3) If your friend say's she is cute, well then its basically a boderline case where you may ask her for her phone number if you get drunk enough.

4) And finally, if your friend says she has a great personality, well lets just say I advise running as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

Now, is it me or is that a double standard? I believe women need to work on a standardized way to rate other women once and for all. This would help eliminate all complications and us manly men may finally stop hearing the following words: you men have no taste in women!

We can all hope and pray for such a day.

My First Quasi Thesis

I've been asked by my ardent readers to dedicate a post just to women. So, here I am, talking about women.

There is so much to say about them, I mean you could fill the entire American Congress Library with things to say about women and you'd still only have covered the tip of the iceberg.

Lets face it, women are confusing. I should know, not to say I've been with that many women, but I know. They think they know what they want, but they have no clue!

One minute they want a relationship, next minute its a one night stand. Sometimes, they want to drink then all of a sudden they don't want to drink! The best one is their definition of sex. Apparently, its ok to enter the building, but not go to the top. I mean what the hell?

It gets worse and worse, the best way to tell if the woman you are dating is confused is by looking at her eyes, if she has "Crazy Eyes", well then you should stay away. You can tell when a woman has "Crazy Eyes". Just remember, if you trully do like a woman, your ability to detect said "Crazy Eyes" is diminished and you will have to ask for your friends opinion.

Finally, I have three questions for all you women viewers out there followed by a disclaimer. They are:

1) Why do you women wear tight tops and short skirts and then give men dirty looks when they appreciate the view?

2) Why do women that don't know how to walk in high heels wear them? (This is one that I have been dieing to have answered!)

3) Why do all women go to the rest room in groups? Are you afraid you won't find your way back to the table?

Bottom line is "Can't live with them, can't live without them"

Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here and questions asked are completely independant of Zaev the blogger. The questions and opinions stated above have been expressed by the male contingent of his viewership and hence are their opinions and not Zaev the blogger's. Please do not hold Zaev the individual or Zaev the blogger responsible for any of the above statements.

My First Writers Block

I have nothing to say, its taken me all of 8 posts to figure out that I am now suffering from writers block. I look all around me, and nothing comes to my mind.

I know the world is filled with so many issues, subjects of such depth that would leave most people gasping for an oppurtunity to word them, but here I sit. Completely and utterly speechless.

Should I be speaking about "The War in Iraq", "The Presedential race in the US", "The Economic downturn in the US leading to a world wide recession", "The itching sensation on the top of my head", "The lack of women at my workplace" or simply "Why do women wear heels when they don't know how to walk in them?". I am at a complete loss as to what to say on these issues.

I mean lets face it I can answer all these topics in 1 line, but would that hold my ardent readers attention? I ask myself that right now, and the answer is: Lets give it a try!

1) The War in Iraq - One man cockblocking another man trying to get some oil!

2) The Presedenial race in the US - Blacks and women shall not lead a country of Rednecks and MCP's.

3) The Economic downturn in the US leading to a world wide recession - I work for a company that has a net worth of $400 million dollars and going up, what recession??

4) The itching sensation on the top of my head - I checked, it is not dandruff, merely a brainwave.

5) The lack of women at my workplace - Our HR department is filled with women that refuse to hire other women for fear of competition, they all want me single! Its a conspiracy.

6) Why do women wear heels when they don't know how to walk in them? - Unfortunately, I can't answer this, though if I were to guess I would blame it on some flaw in the Universe that requires there should be women that don't know how to walk in heels to increase happiness and joy in all the men out there.

To all my readers out there, I apologise for the Writers Block.

My First Bully

So, I'm sitting at my desk about to eat my manchurian roll which I had just spent my last Rs. 17 on, when these bullies show up. They forcefully take my manchurian roll and play around with it and then, they commited the biggest blasphemy ever: they drop it on the floor! I had tears in my eyes, I've been tear free since '03! Not anymore!

What is with bullies? Why do people feel the need to bully the weaker lot of us. Now most of you all that know me are saying "You got bullied??" followed by a "Ha Ha Ha". Well I did, and it wasn't just me today, I know a nice young fellow around my age who got bullied by a 10 year old at Piano practice! He is now scarred,maybe for life. Its an epidemic!

Bullies come in all shapes and sized, its attrocious, the most famous of them is the 19 year old hottie in the short skirt getting you to buy her expensive drinks and then not putting out!

I say we group up, nay I say we form a band of brothers.. and do away with all such bullying, be it from the 10 year old at Piano class, certain people in position of powers in various companies, or that hot 19 year old you want to score with.

They may take away our lunch and diginity but they shall never have our FREEDOM!!!

My First Legal Agreement

Why in the world do we make legal agreements so complicated? Why can't legal agreements be simple. How hard is it to deal with honor and pride? Must we resort to writing twisted, manipulative, dirty underhanded legal agreements that nobody can understand? Is this what the world has come to?

I bet World War III will be caused because some moron some where will sue another moron somewhere over the fact that the second moron failed to realise that he was a moron in the first place.

You are probably wondering why I am bringing up this topic, when I would personally much rather be talking about really hot chicks wearing 4 inch heels, tight tops and short skirts getting drunk and acting indecent. Well its simple, its because I'm going through this stupid legal contract that isn't allowing me to think of really hot chicks in 4 inch heels, tight tops and short skirts getting drunk.

Bottom line, we should do away with stupid complicated incriminating legal agreements, and instead live life through simple handshakes. Imagine all the time and legal fee's we'd be saving, and all the additional time we'll have to think about things that matter to us: getting laid, drinking, blogging, getting laid ... wait did I mention that already? Well, you get my point!

Down with Legal Agreements and Up with hot chicks in 4 inch heels, tight tops and short skirts!