Okay, ever been in a bar and suddenly you see somebody you went to school with 10 years ago, but never bothered to keep in touch with? And the person for some reason (Universe conspiring against you!) recognizes you and then you have the whole awkward reintroduction phase.
Yes, I've been there!
Lets face it, happens to the best of us. We tend to react by getting up and saying a very awkward "Hey! Wazzzup?". Then you get back to your table and hope to hell nobody asks you "Who the hell is that guy?" especially after he has had numerous drinks and is being loud and screaming across multiple tables going "I LOVE YOU MAN!".
I think we need to set some kind of rules for incidents like this. I mean lets face it, they can get pretty embarrassing. I remember once meeting this guy who worked in the same company (our interaction stretched as far as him coming over to my apartment and getting high with my roommate! Important Note: I disliked my roommate!) as myself at a club, and I didn't even remember his name. Rest assured it was an awkward evening whenever he came up to me and said "Have you met my girlfriend? She's Hot!".
The fact is when you see somebody from school or work (or any avenue of life for that matter), who you never liked or weren't close to the following rules should be followed:
1) While maintaining reasonable distance, give the person an acknowledgement nod. After which immediately turn around and ignore the person for the rest of the night. While it sounds impolite and rude, the results are worth it.
2) Under no circumstance, no matter how drunk... Do not go up to the person and start singing out loud with them. The last thing you want next day are memories of you belting out "Summer of 69" with a guy you may have intensely disliked.
3) If by some reason you chose to ignore rule one and go up to the person to say "hello", please make sure you incorporate a good getaway. Nobody likes uncomfortable silence that follows when you don't have an adequate follow up! Additionally, if you don't end the conversation, you end up leading to a scenario described in rule two.
4) If you fail to follow the above three rules, please do not exchange phone numbers. If you do. You have dug your own grave.
For a safe evening out, with no unwanted interruptions especially when with an HCHHSSTT. Please follow the above rules. God Speed.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Thursday, September 25, 2008
My First Non Intellectual Question
So I figured, since the last post was about something smart. It was time I posted something that was smarter. I know you, my ardent reader are wondering "What exactly can he talk about that is smarter but Non-Intellectual?"
Well, it's simple! My question is three fold. And I really want answer's, so if you know the answers to these question's, please let me know. So without further ado the questions are:
1) Have you ever noticed women (especially in India) buy tops (We're calling anything worn above the waist "tops", as I'm too lazy to call out the different kinds of clothing worn by them. The list is endless!) that essentially show off a fair amount of cleavage.
Now, I don't have a problem with women wearing something that shows off cleavage. Hell it's a good thing! What upsets me is when women choose to wear something else under the top that essentially covers any cleavage that was revealed!
It's the same with skirt's. They'll buy these skirt's (nice and short) and then wear tights under them! What is the point? It's ok if they haven't waxed / shaved their legs and are covering something up. However, we all know it's not because of that!
If women are trying to do this to tease us, it's not working! It's more infuriating then anything else.
I know they blame it on us, saying "You pervs stare too much!" but my answer to that is "Don't dress like that if you don't want us to stare!". And don't even think about countering that with "Well, that's why we wear tights!" cause like I said it defeats the purpose! (As you can tell this really irks me!)
2) Why is it that sometimes a girl can look very attractive, and other times she can look really unattractive? I mean with guys, we're just unattractive all the time. At least we believe in constancy. I mean lets face it we are constantly ugly! At least I am, but women refuse to chose one side. Honestly, it's not fair because you know as well as I do, we only want to date the attractive version, not the ugly one. I know it sounds callous, but the fact is if we're dating a girl and one day she looks like an HCHHSSTT, the last thing we want to do is introduce her to our friends when she's not looking like an HCHHSSTT. You could blame it on the light, sure the light can do crazy thing's. For some reason though, I just can't blame the light for everything. It happens way too much for it to be blamed on light.
3) Why will all women take this post negatively instead of seriously asking themselves the above questions and answering them?
Sure, I know most people will say I'm a perv for asking these questions and will then go on to ellaborate how it's completely irrelevant. However, I feel if we knew the answers to these questions, the world would be a better place.
For the record I am not a perv, and I do not stare at women in High Heels, Short Skirts and Tight Tops! (At least not all the time!).
Well, it's simple! My question is three fold. And I really want answer's, so if you know the answers to these question's, please let me know. So without further ado the questions are:
1) Have you ever noticed women (especially in India) buy tops (We're calling anything worn above the waist "tops", as I'm too lazy to call out the different kinds of clothing worn by them. The list is endless!) that essentially show off a fair amount of cleavage.
Now, I don't have a problem with women wearing something that shows off cleavage. Hell it's a good thing! What upsets me is when women choose to wear something else under the top that essentially covers any cleavage that was revealed!
It's the same with skirt's. They'll buy these skirt's (nice and short) and then wear tights under them! What is the point? It's ok if they haven't waxed / shaved their legs and are covering something up. However, we all know it's not because of that!
If women are trying to do this to tease us, it's not working! It's more infuriating then anything else.
I know they blame it on us, saying "You pervs stare too much!" but my answer to that is "Don't dress like that if you don't want us to stare!". And don't even think about countering that with "Well, that's why we wear tights!" cause like I said it defeats the purpose! (As you can tell this really irks me!)
2) Why is it that sometimes a girl can look very attractive, and other times she can look really unattractive? I mean with guys, we're just unattractive all the time. At least we believe in constancy. I mean lets face it we are constantly ugly! At least I am, but women refuse to chose one side. Honestly, it's not fair because you know as well as I do, we only want to date the attractive version, not the ugly one. I know it sounds callous, but the fact is if we're dating a girl and one day she looks like an HCHHSSTT, the last thing we want to do is introduce her to our friends when she's not looking like an HCHHSSTT. You could blame it on the light, sure the light can do crazy thing's. For some reason though, I just can't blame the light for everything. It happens way too much for it to be blamed on light.
3) Why will all women take this post negatively instead of seriously asking themselves the above questions and answering them?
Sure, I know most people will say I'm a perv for asking these questions and will then go on to ellaborate how it's completely irrelevant. However, I feel if we knew the answers to these questions, the world would be a better place.
For the record I am not a perv, and I do not stare at women in High Heels, Short Skirts and Tight Tops! (At least not all the time!).
Friday, September 19, 2008
My First Intellectual Question
So what is with all the financial insecurity in the States? I know everybody is asking this, and I'm probably posting this after all the excitement is over... but so what!
I have a couple of things to say about all this:
First of all how does this impact the 2008 American Presidential Elections (By the way have you noticed how most people world over are more interested in the American Presidential Elections aka APE than the elections of their own countries?). Does Obama have a better shot now of winning the APE? or Is McCain still going to pull it off simply because he has a hotter Vice Presidential candidate.
Side note: Does the fact that she's got a pregnant teenage daughter help her more? I think it does, simply because it has her connect with the other mothers with teenage daughters that are pregnant? I don't see how it is a bad thing! I mean not only does she connects with all the white mom's out there with unwed pregnant teenage daughters, but she also connects with all the black mom's as well! I say Win Win! McCain for APE 2008!
Secondly, how in the world did some of the largest banks in the world lend money to people and fail to collect? I mean that is the bottom line isn't it? Don't these guys employ secret "Shylocks" to get their money back for them? Hell if the mobsters have enough sense to do this, shouldn't the banks! There is something to be said about street smarts. This is it!
Third, really? It took the downfall of 3 or 4 of the biggest institutions in Finance before the world realised that maybe its not good to have the World's economy so in sync with the American Economy? Really?
Fourth, why in the world has the Indian Rupee dropped in value! Don't these people realise I have a student loan to pay off! The weaker the Indian Rupee gets, means the more money I pay every month to pay off a stupid loan for a degree I'll never use! Money that would be used getting drunk and picking up HCHHSSTT's at various bars, that I now won't have the oppurtunity to frequent!
And finally fifth, does this mean we're not getting a tax refund this year?
Oh and while we're at it, thanks for using our hard earned Taxes to pay off the bad decisions of a bunch of moronic CEO's! (Fine, so I don't have to pay taxes, but I'm just speaking for all those other poor schmucks out there!).
I have a couple of things to say about all this:
First of all how does this impact the 2008 American Presidential Elections (By the way have you noticed how most people world over are more interested in the American Presidential Elections aka APE than the elections of their own countries?). Does Obama have a better shot now of winning the APE? or Is McCain still going to pull it off simply because he has a hotter Vice Presidential candidate.
Side note: Does the fact that she's got a pregnant teenage daughter help her more? I think it does, simply because it has her connect with the other mothers with teenage daughters that are pregnant? I don't see how it is a bad thing! I mean not only does she connects with all the white mom's out there with unwed pregnant teenage daughters, but she also connects with all the black mom's as well! I say Win Win! McCain for APE 2008!
Secondly, how in the world did some of the largest banks in the world lend money to people and fail to collect? I mean that is the bottom line isn't it? Don't these guys employ secret "Shylocks" to get their money back for them? Hell if the mobsters have enough sense to do this, shouldn't the banks! There is something to be said about street smarts. This is it!
Third, really? It took the downfall of 3 or 4 of the biggest institutions in Finance before the world realised that maybe its not good to have the World's economy so in sync with the American Economy? Really?
Fourth, why in the world has the Indian Rupee dropped in value! Don't these people realise I have a student loan to pay off! The weaker the Indian Rupee gets, means the more money I pay every month to pay off a stupid loan for a degree I'll never use! Money that would be used getting drunk and picking up HCHHSSTT's at various bars, that I now won't have the oppurtunity to frequent!
And finally fifth, does this mean we're not getting a tax refund this year?
Oh and while we're at it, thanks for using our hard earned Taxes to pay off the bad decisions of a bunch of moronic CEO's! (Fine, so I don't have to pay taxes, but I'm just speaking for all those other poor schmucks out there!).
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
My First Policy
A colleague and I were sitting today, and we were discussing the new building we are moving to. Yes, this is the same colleague that wants to be Batman but is scared of birds!
So after discussing the possibility of a new building we realised that with a new building, we should have a new Policy.
The Policy could be related to out of station housing amenities (available only to management!), or expatriates (Damn white people stealing the brown man's job!), or free food at the cafeteria (very important to note that this always leaves the cafeteria with no food!). However, none of these were as interesting as coming up with a new Dress Code.
So, this is what we decided on:
For Men:
1) All men can dress as they please. Comfort before style. (We figured the CEO and the president of the company are both men, so it would be prudent to institute a policy that allowed them to dress as they pleased).
For Women:
1) All women must wear either skirts or jeans. If it is a skirt it must be at least two inches above the knees. If they chose to wear jeans, it should be daisy duke tight.
2) Tops which are sexy, tight, and show ample cleavage.
3) All women should wear High Heels, nothing under 3 inches allowed.
4) Women can chose to wear makeup or chose to go without. They can also chose to accessorize in any which way they like. However, they are not to bring bags bigger than a "Clutch" (small women's hand bag) to work.
5) Traditional Indian clothing (Since we work for an Indian company based in India) can be worn, but they must be designed by the same people that design those clothes in the various Bollywood Movies we see. In simple words, only those that are sexy.
6) Please note no "Skorts, pants, jackets, shorts (Unless tight denim ones) and 3/4ths" are allowed.
I just realised we came up with a Dress code that has all women dressed as HCHHSSTT's! Brilliant!
Another colleague also suggested placing the air conditioners below the floor and hence point up from the ground. I would have to agree that this was a most brilliant idea, however pretty over the top.
Now I know a lot of my female readers would be very upset with the above dress code,
I mean lets face it, a policy that allows men to dress as they please and forces women to dress in something they would never dress up in. I would even go as far as to say this post probably has some of you thinking that I'm nothing but a Male Chauvinistic pig who is cheap and was raised badly.
The truth is can you really expect better from people raised in a completely male chauvinistic and repressed society like ours?
So after discussing the possibility of a new building we realised that with a new building, we should have a new Policy.
The Policy could be related to out of station housing amenities (available only to management!), or expatriates (Damn white people stealing the brown man's job!), or free food at the cafeteria (very important to note that this always leaves the cafeteria with no food!). However, none of these were as interesting as coming up with a new Dress Code.
So, this is what we decided on:
For Men:
1) All men can dress as they please. Comfort before style. (We figured the CEO and the president of the company are both men, so it would be prudent to institute a policy that allowed them to dress as they pleased).
For Women:
1) All women must wear either skirts or jeans. If it is a skirt it must be at least two inches above the knees. If they chose to wear jeans, it should be daisy duke tight.
2) Tops which are sexy, tight, and show ample cleavage.
3) All women should wear High Heels, nothing under 3 inches allowed.
4) Women can chose to wear makeup or chose to go without. They can also chose to accessorize in any which way they like. However, they are not to bring bags bigger than a "Clutch" (small women's hand bag) to work.
5) Traditional Indian clothing (Since we work for an Indian company based in India) can be worn, but they must be designed by the same people that design those clothes in the various Bollywood Movies we see. In simple words, only those that are sexy.
6) Please note no "Skorts, pants, jackets, shorts (Unless tight denim ones) and 3/4ths" are allowed.
I just realised we came up with a Dress code that has all women dressed as HCHHSSTT's! Brilliant!
Another colleague also suggested placing the air conditioners below the floor and hence point up from the ground. I would have to agree that this was a most brilliant idea, however pretty over the top.
Now I know a lot of my female readers would be very upset with the above dress code,
I mean lets face it, a policy that allows men to dress as they please and forces women to dress in something they would never dress up in. I would even go as far as to say this post probably has some of you thinking that I'm nothing but a Male Chauvinistic pig who is cheap and was raised badly.
The truth is can you really expect better from people raised in a completely male chauvinistic and repressed society like ours?
Monday, September 15, 2008
My First Awakening
I've realised that I enjoy good food. In fact, the thing I miss most about New York was the fact that I had access to the best cooked meals ever.
No, I didn't use to eat outside, or use a catering service. I happen to be related to a world renowned chef, I refer to her as "Didi". Now, don't get me wrong I truly love her and for a lot of reasons. I mean lets face it, if it weren't for her I wouldn't be half the man I am today (literally and figuratively!).
Now, you have to realise my "Didi" happened to contribute a lot to my life such as wisdom, street smarts, confidence, arrogance, love and a tattoo.
However, the thing that stands out most about her and makes me realise exactly how far away I am from her, is the simple fact that I find myself very hungry most of the time (Something that never used to happen back in NYC).
I'm talking about lasagna, pork chops, pork curry, steaks, beef chili, lemon chicken, lemon cheese cake, brownies, even healthy food like grilled chicken and the occasional salad was made edible. Now we're not talking about normal food, we're talking about the cheesiest lasagna's ooozzing with meatsauce and jalapenos galore. Trully makes your mouth water. The steaks oh so tender, that you actually contemplate for all of 1 second the cow that was sacrificed. The cheese cake, cookie crumb base with soft creamy center. The salad... Umm... Leafy.
What is the point of this entire post you ask? Well it's simple, food is underrated. Sex or Food? Bet you wouldn't know what to chose. And No! Sex and Food is not a third option.
Oh another thing, believe it or not I love her for more than just her cooking. Atleast I think I do. No wait I do, I mean come on, who do you think used to clean up my diapers?
Note: Didi stands for Surrogate Mom, aunt, friend, confidant and every other role that needs to be filled. Come to think of it, in soccer terms Didi's play your attackers, midfield and defense.
No, I didn't use to eat outside, or use a catering service. I happen to be related to a world renowned chef, I refer to her as "Didi". Now, don't get me wrong I truly love her and for a lot of reasons. I mean lets face it, if it weren't for her I wouldn't be half the man I am today (literally and figuratively!).
Now, you have to realise my "Didi" happened to contribute a lot to my life such as wisdom, street smarts, confidence, arrogance, love and a tattoo.
However, the thing that stands out most about her and makes me realise exactly how far away I am from her, is the simple fact that I find myself very hungry most of the time (Something that never used to happen back in NYC).
I'm talking about lasagna, pork chops, pork curry, steaks, beef chili, lemon chicken, lemon cheese cake, brownies, even healthy food like grilled chicken and the occasional salad was made edible. Now we're not talking about normal food, we're talking about the cheesiest lasagna's ooozzing with meatsauce and jalapenos galore. Trully makes your mouth water. The steaks oh so tender, that you actually contemplate for all of 1 second the cow that was sacrificed. The cheese cake, cookie crumb base with soft creamy center. The salad... Umm... Leafy.
What is the point of this entire post you ask? Well it's simple, food is underrated. Sex or Food? Bet you wouldn't know what to chose. And No! Sex and Food is not a third option.
Oh another thing, believe it or not I love her for more than just her cooking. Atleast I think I do. No wait I do, I mean come on, who do you think used to clean up my diapers?
Note: Didi stands for Surrogate Mom, aunt, friend, confidant and every other role that needs to be filled. Come to think of it, in soccer terms Didi's play your attackers, midfield and defense.
Thursday, September 11, 2008
My First Finer Thing
I love sports. I follow almost all sports.
In a way it reaffirms my masculinity. If I'm feeling a little too feminine, nothing beats watching a good game of American Football where you have a bunch of guys huddling up and then kicking ass. Sure, it may seem a little fruitty, but trust me if you get hit by a 280 pound man that can run 40 yards in under 5 secs and live to tell about it. Well, you know God exists and all that time spent in Church/Temple or/and Mosque sure paid off.
I guess I follow sports for two big reasons, the first one I already mentioned: it reaffirms my masculinity, a truly Manly Man will follow all Manly Man sports (Cricket is not such a sport, nor is chess. Golf only makes the cut because of Tiger Woods). The second reason is that it is a brilliant conversation starter (helps me get chicks!) Unfortunately, this doesn't quite work in India since most people follow cricket, and since we've established that cricket isn't a sport I simply do not follow it.
For all you women out there, if you want to pick up a guy at a bar? Trust me, read up on sports! Preferably the Manly ones these include Football, Soccer, Basketball, NASCAR/F1, Baseball (though its a borderline sport: the only thing that makes it a sport is all the steroid use and now that they are testing it's a matter of time before it's not a sport), Ice Hockey and Olympics when it comes around once in 4 years.
I for one love a woman that knows her sports. I had the biggest crush on a red head back in college cause she had an awesome Long Island accent along with the fact that she followed the Knicks. The fact that she was a potential HCHHSSTT had nothing to do with it.
Of course there are moments you want to avoid, such as the Champions League Final between Chelsea and Man Utd. led to a moment where I saw a colleague stand on a bar, strip of his shirt, wave it around like a mad man and shed a tear. You want to avoid moments like that. Trust me, you get scarred for life.
I believe every Manly Man has one team he commits himself to no matter what! It's like a marriage. You love the team and well you also hate them. For me it was the New York Knickerbockers (that's a kind of men's underwear). Like all marriages this love - hate relationship all started when my brother got me a pair of Nike Flights from the states which were worn by Allan Houston. They were uncomfortable as hell but damn they looked good. When I saw the buzzer beater Houston hit against the Miami Heat to take them into the NBA Finals, it was a done deal. I read up on their history, and trust me they have history.
We had a ton of great moments together, like the time we beat out the Heat in the 1999 finals and then the Heat again the next year.
Of course all good things come to an end and after numerous playoff defeats, some of them which left me crying and my brother questioning his love for the Knicks. They commited the biggest sports crime ever: they traded their Franchise Player Patrick Ewing. They made it worse by signing a bunch of players to bad contracts and finally hired Isiah Thomas.
This was about the time I started thinking maybe it was time for a divorce, maybe we had gone as far as we would go together. Maybe they needed new fan's and I needed a new team to support. Instead we went through a phase of 4 -5 years where we just existed.
In this time the Knicks kept making one bad decision upon another. All the while refusing to fire the man behind the team that became the joke of the NBA.
The man was sued for sexual harassment and they didn't fire him? In any other job a man sued for sexual harassment would've gotten lynched! Hell, the Americans impeached their president for having "sexual relationships"! But no the Knicks left this moron in charge. They even gave him a contract extension. I think it finally took the Commissioner of the NBA calling the owner and threatening him with a law suit that got him to fire Isiah Thomas.
Finally, with Thomas gone and a new person in charge, I feel we can work out our differences. After all we have a new coach, and hopefully soon we'll have a new Franchise player (Lebron James in 2010!).
Honestly, sports have made me cry (like a man!), made me deliriously happy and definitely made me jump 4 feet out of my seat. I also like to believe that it helped my brother and I bond and share a kinship that we may never have had.
I have to admit to something, I started following Formula 1 because of my brother, it gave me something to talk to him about (you try talking to a 16 year old when you are only 9!) I started to support Senna because of him and after he passed away (I cried that day). I started to support Schumacher because of him (I was 11 and man did that piss him off! Joy Joy!).
So to my brother, I say thank you for introducing me to one of the finer things in life.
In a way it reaffirms my masculinity. If I'm feeling a little too feminine, nothing beats watching a good game of American Football where you have a bunch of guys huddling up and then kicking ass. Sure, it may seem a little fruitty, but trust me if you get hit by a 280 pound man that can run 40 yards in under 5 secs and live to tell about it. Well, you know God exists and all that time spent in Church/Temple or/and Mosque sure paid off.
I guess I follow sports for two big reasons, the first one I already mentioned: it reaffirms my masculinity, a truly Manly Man will follow all Manly Man sports (Cricket is not such a sport, nor is chess. Golf only makes the cut because of Tiger Woods). The second reason is that it is a brilliant conversation starter (helps me get chicks!) Unfortunately, this doesn't quite work in India since most people follow cricket, and since we've established that cricket isn't a sport I simply do not follow it.
For all you women out there, if you want to pick up a guy at a bar? Trust me, read up on sports! Preferably the Manly ones these include Football, Soccer, Basketball, NASCAR/F1, Baseball (though its a borderline sport: the only thing that makes it a sport is all the steroid use and now that they are testing it's a matter of time before it's not a sport), Ice Hockey and Olympics when it comes around once in 4 years.
I for one love a woman that knows her sports. I had the biggest crush on a red head back in college cause she had an awesome Long Island accent along with the fact that she followed the Knicks. The fact that she was a potential HCHHSSTT had nothing to do with it.
Of course there are moments you want to avoid, such as the Champions League Final between Chelsea and Man Utd. led to a moment where I saw a colleague stand on a bar, strip of his shirt, wave it around like a mad man and shed a tear. You want to avoid moments like that. Trust me, you get scarred for life.
I believe every Manly Man has one team he commits himself to no matter what! It's like a marriage. You love the team and well you also hate them. For me it was the New York Knickerbockers (that's a kind of men's underwear). Like all marriages this love - hate relationship all started when my brother got me a pair of Nike Flights from the states which were worn by Allan Houston. They were uncomfortable as hell but damn they looked good. When I saw the buzzer beater Houston hit against the Miami Heat to take them into the NBA Finals, it was a done deal. I read up on their history, and trust me they have history.
We had a ton of great moments together, like the time we beat out the Heat in the 1999 finals and then the Heat again the next year.
Of course all good things come to an end and after numerous playoff defeats, some of them which left me crying and my brother questioning his love for the Knicks. They commited the biggest sports crime ever: they traded their Franchise Player Patrick Ewing. They made it worse by signing a bunch of players to bad contracts and finally hired Isiah Thomas.
This was about the time I started thinking maybe it was time for a divorce, maybe we had gone as far as we would go together. Maybe they needed new fan's and I needed a new team to support. Instead we went through a phase of 4 -5 years where we just existed.
In this time the Knicks kept making one bad decision upon another. All the while refusing to fire the man behind the team that became the joke of the NBA.
The man was sued for sexual harassment and they didn't fire him? In any other job a man sued for sexual harassment would've gotten lynched! Hell, the Americans impeached their president for having "sexual relationships"! But no the Knicks left this moron in charge. They even gave him a contract extension. I think it finally took the Commissioner of the NBA calling the owner and threatening him with a law suit that got him to fire Isiah Thomas.
Finally, with Thomas gone and a new person in charge, I feel we can work out our differences. After all we have a new coach, and hopefully soon we'll have a new Franchise player (Lebron James in 2010!).
Honestly, sports have made me cry (like a man!), made me deliriously happy and definitely made me jump 4 feet out of my seat. I also like to believe that it helped my brother and I bond and share a kinship that we may never have had.
I have to admit to something, I started following Formula 1 because of my brother, it gave me something to talk to him about (you try talking to a 16 year old when you are only 9!) I started to support Senna because of him and after he passed away (I cried that day). I started to support Schumacher because of him (I was 11 and man did that piss him off! Joy Joy!).
So to my brother, I say thank you for introducing me to one of the finer things in life.
Monday, September 8, 2008
My First Realization
Ok, so it dawned on me recently. "It" being something pretty interesting. There you are, out for dinner with this girl whom you are attracted to. Remember you aren't in love or crazy about her, but you are most definitely attracted to her. Let's be more specific and say she's an HCHHSSTT.
(Ground rules now set, we can move on)
Anyway after that first dinner, things go well and you start dating her. Bottom line you go through the motions of dating the girl when suddenly WHAM!
Two months into your relationship and she dumps you like a hot potato or if you prefer a sack of hot potatoes? Now obviously, there you are suffering from withdrawal symptoms, depending on how desperate you were when you started going out and when you got dumped.
Now I know a lot of you people will call this sour grapes, but it isn't. Essentially, after the above stated withdrawal symptoms pass, getting dumped opens up your eyes. You take a long good look at the HCHHSSTT and realise... Oh My God! She was the most needy irritating person ever (Note: I would like to take this moment to state that this works both ways. I'm just using a guys perspective).
My point is simple, isn't it amazing how we tend to ignore all the things about a person that would generally irritate the living shit out of you especially when you want to date them, or sleep with them, or even date and sleep with them.
By the way take this moment to reflect on all your past relationships and realise that most of the women you dated had some serious issues. I would also like to take this moment to state that most of your friends may have tried to warn you but you simply failed to listen to them. On another note if they didn't warn you, get new friends.
Bottom line: when you are interested in a person, it is amazing how much we forgive them for. I mean sometimes the "biggest" set of breasts can make you forget about how nasal the voice of the owner of those 36DD's is, or they can make you forget about the fact that she keeps cutting strips of your steak from your plate or finally and my personal favourite the simple fact that she refuses to let go of my goddamn hand!
I guess us men can always use the old standby "Not enough blood" because we all know our "Mini-me's" only see what they want to see.
But really all you women out there, whats your excuse?
(Ground rules now set, we can move on)
Anyway after that first dinner, things go well and you start dating her. Bottom line you go through the motions of dating the girl when suddenly WHAM!
Two months into your relationship and she dumps you like a hot potato or if you prefer a sack of hot potatoes? Now obviously, there you are suffering from withdrawal symptoms, depending on how desperate you were when you started going out and when you got dumped.
Now I know a lot of you people will call this sour grapes, but it isn't. Essentially, after the above stated withdrawal symptoms pass, getting dumped opens up your eyes. You take a long good look at the HCHHSSTT and realise... Oh My God! She was the most needy irritating person ever (Note: I would like to take this moment to state that this works both ways. I'm just using a guys perspective).
My point is simple, isn't it amazing how we tend to ignore all the things about a person that would generally irritate the living shit out of you especially when you want to date them, or sleep with them, or even date and sleep with them.
By the way take this moment to reflect on all your past relationships and realise that most of the women you dated had some serious issues. I would also like to take this moment to state that most of your friends may have tried to warn you but you simply failed to listen to them. On another note if they didn't warn you, get new friends.
Bottom line: when you are interested in a person, it is amazing how much we forgive them for. I mean sometimes the "biggest" set of breasts can make you forget about how nasal the voice of the owner of those 36DD's is, or they can make you forget about the fact that she keeps cutting strips of your steak from your plate or finally and my personal favourite the simple fact that she refuses to let go of my goddamn hand!
I guess us men can always use the old standby "Not enough blood" because we all know our "Mini-me's" only see what they want to see.
But really all you women out there, whats your excuse?
Friday, September 5, 2008
My First Second Part of My First Two Parter
First of all for those of you who didn't see that title coming, well I have nothing to say.
Welcome to the second part of my first two parter... Yes! I had to say it again!
You know it's funny the other day I was talking to this friend of mine and he said something that shocked the stuffing out of me (if you've seen me, you'll know that's a lot of stuffing!). He actually had the gall to say getting too old for video games and comics.
Well, I don't understand how anybody can get too old for either of those things. It's not just men, its women too. If you've become too old to play a video game or a comic, well then personally take a look in the mirror cause you probably won't like what you see.
Personally I'd love to date a girl who was thirty, flirty, fun and into gaming and comics. I might even convince her to dress up as Princess Leia or hell Lara Croft! Dammit must focus on subject at hand!
I bet more than 80% of my readers are on Facebook and also spend at least 70% of their free time on Facebook. Now, tell me whats the difference between Facebook and World of Warcraft (WoW)? Almost none, in fact they run along the same concept. It's called Social Networking. The funny thing is today if you are a 30 year old on Facebook it makes you hip, cool and web savvy (Ha ha.. keep telling yourself that!). If you are a 30 year old on WoW, well shit you might as well hide that fact cause its worse than being gay.
It's the same thing with comic books, I mean do you realise that more than half of the comic books out there are a reflection of what is happening in our world already or what will happen if current events carry on the way they are? I mean hell, we have more Joker's in the world than Batman has in the comics. Unfortunately we have like zero Batman's, well side from my colleague who claims to be Batman and probably spends nights praying to the almighty one to make him Batman!
I'm sorry I know I'm coming of preachy but the fact is I love playing video games, I love reading comics. If that makes me come off as immature so be it! I believe comics and video games are my god given right, kinda like sex. Nothing beats an HCHHSSTT who loves comic books and plays WoW!
Yes, I play World of Warcraft, I read comic books (Up Up and Away!) and I like to have sex.
For all of you women out there that have Boyfriends that are into the above mentioned topics, all I can say is "Don't worry... be Happy!"
Welcome to my world.
P.s. On a completely unrelated note, I find it ammusing I had more comments on a nonsensical post "My First Arggggh" than on a post that actually had a little bit of meaning "My First Two Parter". I'm thinking I should really start antoganizing women if that is what will get me more readers!
Welcome to the second part of my first two parter... Yes! I had to say it again!
You know it's funny the other day I was talking to this friend of mine and he said something that shocked the stuffing out of me (if you've seen me, you'll know that's a lot of stuffing!). He actually had the gall to say getting too old for video games and comics.
Well, I don't understand how anybody can get too old for either of those things. It's not just men, its women too. If you've become too old to play a video game or a comic, well then personally take a look in the mirror cause you probably won't like what you see.
Personally I'd love to date a girl who was thirty, flirty, fun and into gaming and comics. I might even convince her to dress up as Princess Leia or hell Lara Croft! Dammit must focus on subject at hand!
I bet more than 80% of my readers are on Facebook and also spend at least 70% of their free time on Facebook. Now, tell me whats the difference between Facebook and World of Warcraft (WoW)? Almost none, in fact they run along the same concept. It's called Social Networking. The funny thing is today if you are a 30 year old on Facebook it makes you hip, cool and web savvy (Ha ha.. keep telling yourself that!). If you are a 30 year old on WoW, well shit you might as well hide that fact cause its worse than being gay.
It's the same thing with comic books, I mean do you realise that more than half of the comic books out there are a reflection of what is happening in our world already or what will happen if current events carry on the way they are? I mean hell, we have more Joker's in the world than Batman has in the comics. Unfortunately we have like zero Batman's, well side from my colleague who claims to be Batman and probably spends nights praying to the almighty one to make him Batman!
I'm sorry I know I'm coming of preachy but the fact is I love playing video games, I love reading comics. If that makes me come off as immature so be it! I believe comics and video games are my god given right, kinda like sex. Nothing beats an HCHHSSTT who loves comic books and plays WoW!
Yes, I play World of Warcraft, I read comic books (Up Up and Away!) and I like to have sex.
For all of you women out there that have Boyfriends that are into the above mentioned topics, all I can say is "Don't worry... be Happy!"
Welcome to my world.
P.s. On a completely unrelated note, I find it ammusing I had more comments on a nonsensical post "My First Arggggh" than on a post that actually had a little bit of meaning "My First Two Parter". I'm thinking I should really start antoganizing women if that is what will get me more readers!
Thursday, September 4, 2008
My First Two Parter
Well, I guess the pressure is on now after My First Comeback to post something that will keep my ardent readers satisfied. It's fortunate that I have always worked better under pressure than when I'm stress free.
Now, I know most of you are probably expect me to follow up on "My First Arggghhh" post. I did give it deep thought and I realised it is not worth it. For those of you who are interested in what happened. Lets just say I flew smack dab into the goddamn Friendship Zone. On the plus side, I managed to quickly extricate myself by getting the girl to hate me. I believe women love to hate men and men love to be hated by women. I guess that is what makes the world tick.
I also thought about taking the time to post about the US Presidential Race. I decided against that when I realised there was a potential HCHHSSTT running for Vice President with McCain. Funny thing though, she's the Governor of Alaska. Did you even know Alaska had a Governor??? I always thought Alaska was only good for oil? Does this make her the first "Alaskan" to run for Vice Presidency? Also, does this mean that in 2012 we'll have two women running for President? Can we place bets on who wins in 2012 - the woman from Alaska, the light skinned Muslim African American from Hawaii or the White chick who wants to be African American and whose husband cheated on her more than once while in the Oval Office? I mean really who wouldn't want to bet on this? I think we should check if Vegas is getting the odds ready yet.
Let's face it the 2008 race is going to be won by the White man who has survived both Vietnam and Cancer. And if you didn't see this coming, well then shame on you!
Some how I just feel that the above two topics aren't worthy of dedicating an entire post too, so instead I've decided that I will speak about something of more importance. However, in the interest of having people come back to my blog I shall post the second part only tomorrow.
Tune in tomorrow for the next installment of "My First Two Parter", who knows it may even involve HCHHSSTT's!
Now, I know most of you are probably expect me to follow up on "My First Arggghhh" post. I did give it deep thought and I realised it is not worth it. For those of you who are interested in what happened. Lets just say I flew smack dab into the goddamn Friendship Zone. On the plus side, I managed to quickly extricate myself by getting the girl to hate me. I believe women love to hate men and men love to be hated by women. I guess that is what makes the world tick.
I also thought about taking the time to post about the US Presidential Race. I decided against that when I realised there was a potential HCHHSSTT running for Vice President with McCain. Funny thing though, she's the Governor of Alaska. Did you even know Alaska had a Governor??? I always thought Alaska was only good for oil? Does this make her the first "Alaskan" to run for Vice Presidency? Also, does this mean that in 2012 we'll have two women running for President? Can we place bets on who wins in 2012 - the woman from Alaska, the light skinned Muslim African American from Hawaii or the White chick who wants to be African American and whose husband cheated on her more than once while in the Oval Office? I mean really who wouldn't want to bet on this? I think we should check if Vegas is getting the odds ready yet.
Let's face it the 2008 race is going to be won by the White man who has survived both Vietnam and Cancer. And if you didn't see this coming, well then shame on you!
Some how I just feel that the above two topics aren't worthy of dedicating an entire post too, so instead I've decided that I will speak about something of more importance. However, in the interest of having people come back to my blog I shall post the second part only tomorrow.
Tune in tomorrow for the next installment of "My First Two Parter", who knows it may even involve HCHHSSTT's!
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
My First Official Comeback
Well, it has definitely been a while and after speaking to numerous people (between 1 - 3), I have decided to announce my comeback.
Now what can you my ardent readers expect from this comeback? Well you'll get to read about the exciting events of my life such as watching WALL - E (Amazing movie by the way, I highly recommend it). You will also get my thoughts and insights into many subjects ranging from "The multiple uses of Chopsticks" to "Are Chopsticks the weapons of mass destruction that the Chinese are threatening the americans with?". And ofcourse every person's favourite topic "Are all HCHHSSTT's (Hot Chicks wearing High Heels Short Skirts and Tight Tops - For the sake of reference) lieing when they say 'OMG! You rocked my world!'?"
There is one catch however, unlike before I shall not be posting everyday. For once though, let us look at the silver lining. This would meanbetter quality posts with a sound social - economic message behind them.
So, to the few in attendance and the millions around the world in the words of the Immortal Michael Jordan "I'm back!".
Now what can you my ardent readers expect from this comeback? Well you'll get to read about the exciting events of my life such as watching WALL - E (Amazing movie by the way, I highly recommend it). You will also get my thoughts and insights into many subjects ranging from "The multiple uses of Chopsticks" to "Are Chopsticks the weapons of mass destruction that the Chinese are threatening the americans with?". And ofcourse every person's favourite topic "Are all HCHHSSTT's (Hot Chicks wearing High Heels Short Skirts and Tight Tops - For the sake of reference) lieing when they say 'OMG! You rocked my world!'?"
There is one catch however, unlike before I shall not be posting everyday. For once though, let us look at the silver lining. This would meanbetter quality posts with a sound social - economic message behind them.
So, to the few in attendance and the millions around the world in the words of the Immortal Michael Jordan "I'm back!".
Tuesday, September 2, 2008
My First ARGGGHHH!!!!
Women.. I swear to god they can really get my goat. A girl once told me she was "fond" of me! What the hell is "fond"? You can be fond of that soft toy you have! You can be fond of your favourite underwear! Hell.. but "fond" for a guy!
Then she say's she wants distance.. when you give them that, they get pissed. And its always your fault! WTF!
This is my most nonsensical post and you know why? Cause women are frigging nonsensical!
They make me go ARRGGGGGHH!!!!!
Then she say's she wants distance.. when you give them that, they get pissed. And its always your fault! WTF!
This is my most nonsensical post and you know why? Cause women are frigging nonsensical!
They make me go ARRGGGGGHH!!!!!
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