So today is indeed a happy day. It's not because my loser of a brother turned 33. Well partly it is. But it's primarily because today I found out that I'm going to be a God Father!
That's right! God Father! Imagine me... a God Father! I've already decided I shall be the coolest God Father ever. I shall teach the kid about comic books (Superman, Batman, Green Lantern, Wonder Woman!), motorbikes and HCHHSSTT's.
If he's a boy than I'll teach him to be a Manly Man! I'll teach him the finer points of playing video games, convince him to learn and instrument so we can start a band, so much to do.. so little time!
If the baby is a girl, I shall teach her to avoid non Manly Men and also teach her 101 ways to not become a brat like my younger sister. (Sigh, unfortunately I wasn't around in the formative years and my younger sister turned out to be a really big brat. She's a lovable brat, but a brat nonetheless.)
So besides teaching my awesome God Child about all this stuff, I plan on getting him or her their first tattoo as well! Sure, the parents may not be too happy, but lets face it, they knew what to expect when they made me the God Father! (No taking it away from me now! Too late!).
All in all, I'm really happy today my bro turned 33, my best friend got his wifey(who is a very awesome chick!) pregnant and named me the God Father. It's a good day indeed.
Oh by the way, I still have a couple more best friend that are yet to get married and have kids! Once they get done, I'll have an army of God Children!
Together, we shall either start a band or take over the world!
Michael Corleone who???
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
My First Loser
So, I've known this person for a long time. A really long time.
After all the time that I've known them, there is only one word which aptly describes em. If you don't believe me, trust me you will after I'm done.
All they ever did was harass me. In fact if I didn't know better, I'd think God put them on this planet just to be the bane of my existence. It started with the mindless jokes, followed by the physical harassment and finally completed with a ton mental battery. If I had any sense I should just sue em.
I mean lets face it, only a loser would pinch a baby and make him cry and then try and blame it on some imaginary person in the room (I say imaginary... because there was nobody else there!).
They follow up feats as amazing as this by picking on me in front of all my friends when I was a wee little toddler and couldn't defend myself against bullies. Refusing to share toys with me, unless I begged. I literally had to get on my hands and knees.
Did I mention I was the test subject for all the wrestling moves seen on TV? By the way, the sharp shooter kinda hurt! Oh and who makes fun of a twenty year old virgin! I mean come on! where is the damn sympathy!
To this day I'm regaled with stories of their amazing achievements, such as getting laid at the tender age of 17, being the fastest runner in school until a bad ankle knocked em out. Oh did I mention all the same repetitive music I had to listen too. I say repetitive cause apparently remixing my favorite music is the only way to go!
I could go on, but whats the point? You get the gist of it. You are probably saying to yourself "Nobody can commit such heinous acts of treachery against a Manly Man as awesome as Zaev!". Well believe it! It's all true.
You're probably asking yourself right now "Doesn't this person have anything good going for em?"
I would have to think really hard and I guess I could think of a few. Stuff like buying me whatever I wanted whenever the cash was available, being the best role model while I was young, showing me what it's like to be a Manly Man at the very tender age of 17 and I guess some how or the other whenever I need someone or something, this person comes through.
Sigh... So maybe they aren't all bad... maybe.
Today is the 26th of Feb, and well this person just turned 33. What do I get someone who turned 33 and could use a lot of things? Well, I'm broke so he'll have to settle for a blog post about him that was way overdue.
Let's face it, he may be a Loser but he's MY OLDER BROTHER OF A LOSER! And I'll always love him especially since I know that deep down somewhere I'm still his favourite little brother.
Happy Birthday Dada.
After all the time that I've known them, there is only one word which aptly describes em. If you don't believe me, trust me you will after I'm done.
All they ever did was harass me. In fact if I didn't know better, I'd think God put them on this planet just to be the bane of my existence. It started with the mindless jokes, followed by the physical harassment and finally completed with a ton mental battery. If I had any sense I should just sue em.
I mean lets face it, only a loser would pinch a baby and make him cry and then try and blame it on some imaginary person in the room (I say imaginary... because there was nobody else there!).
They follow up feats as amazing as this by picking on me in front of all my friends when I was a wee little toddler and couldn't defend myself against bullies. Refusing to share toys with me, unless I begged. I literally had to get on my hands and knees.
Did I mention I was the test subject for all the wrestling moves seen on TV? By the way, the sharp shooter kinda hurt! Oh and who makes fun of a twenty year old virgin! I mean come on! where is the damn sympathy!
To this day I'm regaled with stories of their amazing achievements, such as getting laid at the tender age of 17, being the fastest runner in school until a bad ankle knocked em out. Oh did I mention all the same repetitive music I had to listen too. I say repetitive cause apparently remixing my favorite music is the only way to go!
I could go on, but whats the point? You get the gist of it. You are probably saying to yourself "Nobody can commit such heinous acts of treachery against a Manly Man as awesome as Zaev!". Well believe it! It's all true.
You're probably asking yourself right now "Doesn't this person have anything good going for em?"
I would have to think really hard and I guess I could think of a few. Stuff like buying me whatever I wanted whenever the cash was available, being the best role model while I was young, showing me what it's like to be a Manly Man at the very tender age of 17 and I guess some how or the other whenever I need someone or something, this person comes through.
Sigh... So maybe they aren't all bad... maybe.
Today is the 26th of Feb, and well this person just turned 33. What do I get someone who turned 33 and could use a lot of things? Well, I'm broke so he'll have to settle for a blog post about him that was way overdue.
Let's face it, he may be a Loser but he's MY OLDER BROTHER OF A LOSER! And I'll always love him especially since I know that deep down somewhere I'm still his favourite little brother.
Happy Birthday Dada.
Monday, February 23, 2009
Decisions, Decisions..... Decisions!
I have to admit, I do find it a little ironic. I started as a daily blogger, matured into a weekly poster, and ended up becoming a monthly updater.
I've received a lot of feedback on how I should be posting more regularly and well believe it or not, I've been busy. If I'm not working, I'm out drinking, if I'm not out drinking I'm at home watching T.V. on my bed and lets face it typing while laying flat on your back is as dangerous as drinking water when laying down.
So obviously, you my avid readers have read the titles of my and are asking what are these decisions that need to be made?
Well to make things easier, and because I just like making lists; Let us start a list and hopefully writing them out will allow me the insight I need to make these decisions.
1) Are females better or worse than men at cock blocking?
Okay this per-se is not a decision, but it is an interesting question! Ask yourself, how many times in recent history have any of your female friends hooked you up with one of their "hot" female friends? (This question is for guys really, unless you are a girl and play for the other team). Let's face it, this rarely happens!
This past week I went out with this woman who refused to let our mutual guy friend meet her female friend. Only when I labelled her a "cock-blocker" did she relent and start feeling guilty! The way I see it, with guys, I know what I'm getting (A cock blocking bastard!). With women not only will they cock block but they'll actually try to hook you up with their ugly friends!
I have a feeling this is because all women that befriend guys, befriend them out of the need for "guy attention", and once you start dating a "hot" friend of theirs... Well you won't be giving them any attention.
DECISION: Women are definitely worse cock blockers than guys.
2) The next decision I need to make is slightly more serious. It's a career decision.
The other day I was sitting at work and looking at a colleagues presentation and it dawned on me. I am not cut out for this line of work. Basically I'm not cut out for anything related to management, marketing, business structure, advertising, etc, etc. I can go on, but you get the point. It's not that I'm not good. I am good, I'm just not interested and hence I'll never be great, and while I may not appear to care, I do yearn for greatness!
The problem is, what am I cut out for? Now some people (namely my MOM!) have told me that I should take up writing. Problem is, I don't want to become a copywriter or have anything to do with advertising. That leaves me with journalism. Since the only section of a newspaper I'll ever read is the sports section, that leaves me with just sports journalism. Since the only sport I avidly follow is Basketball... well you get the point! The options are so limited.
The other options are, doing voice overs for people. Specifically cartoon's. Again something not easy to break into. Acting, definitely something I would like to do. Except I don't think I can handle that kind of rejection. Let's face it... Brad Pitt I am not!
So you see where my problem lies? I need to make a decision, but am in no position to do so.
DECISION: Quit my Job and join a travelling circus as the Circus Strong Man / Resident Superhero.
3) Should I cock block a friend or not?
It's been a while since I've gotten some. I believe this has to do with the recession. Since people are getting fired left and right, there are fewer women out there and hence I am getting less play. This may not necessarily be true but it's a very convenient excuse right now.
So there are these two women that came to my apartment the other day along with a colleague from work. Now one of the women happened to hook up with a pretty good friend of mine. So I don't hold a grudge against him. In fact I am all for him getting "some".
The problem arises with the second girl who spent the evening speaking to either me or the colleague (I say colleague because I don't know him well enough, and I really rather not give him naming credits in my blog).
Now, ideally I could go in cock blazing and block the road for him simply by not letting either into my apartment ever again. This is the easy and most obvious choice. While I may end up shooting myself in the foot, what they do outside of my apartment is not my problem and personally what I don't know - doesn't hurt me.
However, as a Manly Man I should take the higher road and help them out. (By the way the reason I'm not in the game for the girl is simple, I didn't take her number. This was a decision made by me, and as such I stand by it)
So what should I do here? Let the guy get the girl? or cock block while in my apartment?
DECISION: COCK BLOCK ALL THE WAY!
Note: All Manly Men are allowed to cock block 3 times in a lifetime. This is just how it is. It's what makes us MEN!
I've received a lot of feedback on how I should be posting more regularly and well believe it or not, I've been busy. If I'm not working, I'm out drinking, if I'm not out drinking I'm at home watching T.V. on my bed and lets face it typing while laying flat on your back is as dangerous as drinking water when laying down.
So obviously, you my avid readers have read the titles of my and are asking what are these decisions that need to be made?
Well to make things easier, and because I just like making lists; Let us start a list and hopefully writing them out will allow me the insight I need to make these decisions.
1) Are females better or worse than men at cock blocking?
Okay this per-se is not a decision, but it is an interesting question! Ask yourself, how many times in recent history have any of your female friends hooked you up with one of their "hot" female friends? (This question is for guys really, unless you are a girl and play for the other team). Let's face it, this rarely happens!
This past week I went out with this woman who refused to let our mutual guy friend meet her female friend. Only when I labelled her a "cock-blocker" did she relent and start feeling guilty! The way I see it, with guys, I know what I'm getting (A cock blocking bastard!). With women not only will they cock block but they'll actually try to hook you up with their ugly friends!
I have a feeling this is because all women that befriend guys, befriend them out of the need for "guy attention", and once you start dating a "hot" friend of theirs... Well you won't be giving them any attention.
DECISION: Women are definitely worse cock blockers than guys.
2) The next decision I need to make is slightly more serious. It's a career decision.
The other day I was sitting at work and looking at a colleagues presentation and it dawned on me. I am not cut out for this line of work. Basically I'm not cut out for anything related to management, marketing, business structure, advertising, etc, etc. I can go on, but you get the point. It's not that I'm not good. I am good, I'm just not interested and hence I'll never be great, and while I may not appear to care, I do yearn for greatness!
The problem is, what am I cut out for? Now some people (namely my MOM!) have told me that I should take up writing. Problem is, I don't want to become a copywriter or have anything to do with advertising. That leaves me with journalism. Since the only section of a newspaper I'll ever read is the sports section, that leaves me with just sports journalism. Since the only sport I avidly follow is Basketball... well you get the point! The options are so limited.
The other options are, doing voice overs for people. Specifically cartoon's. Again something not easy to break into. Acting, definitely something I would like to do. Except I don't think I can handle that kind of rejection. Let's face it... Brad Pitt I am not!
So you see where my problem lies? I need to make a decision, but am in no position to do so.
DECISION: Quit my Job and join a travelling circus as the Circus Strong Man / Resident Superhero.
3) Should I cock block a friend or not?
It's been a while since I've gotten some. I believe this has to do with the recession. Since people are getting fired left and right, there are fewer women out there and hence I am getting less play. This may not necessarily be true but it's a very convenient excuse right now.
So there are these two women that came to my apartment the other day along with a colleague from work. Now one of the women happened to hook up with a pretty good friend of mine. So I don't hold a grudge against him. In fact I am all for him getting "some".
The problem arises with the second girl who spent the evening speaking to either me or the colleague (I say colleague because I don't know him well enough, and I really rather not give him naming credits in my blog).
Now, ideally I could go in cock blazing and block the road for him simply by not letting either into my apartment ever again. This is the easy and most obvious choice. While I may end up shooting myself in the foot, what they do outside of my apartment is not my problem and personally what I don't know - doesn't hurt me.
However, as a Manly Man I should take the higher road and help them out. (By the way the reason I'm not in the game for the girl is simple, I didn't take her number. This was a decision made by me, and as such I stand by it)
So what should I do here? Let the guy get the girl? or cock block while in my apartment?
DECISION: COCK BLOCK ALL THE WAY!
Note: All Manly Men are allowed to cock block 3 times in a lifetime. This is just how it is. It's what makes us MEN!
Monday, February 2, 2009
Cooking and Movies!
So after two years in Bombay, I've finally started cooking. Sure, some people say boiling sausages, frying eggs, making sandwiches does not equate to cooking.
I mean really? First of all, making a sandwich isn't easy, first you gotta take out the bread, then spread the mayo, then you have the salami and the hot sauce and this doesn't even include using mustard! Bottom line, I choose to ignore them.
So, this weekend I spent cooking and watching movies. Sure, it may sound boring to most people, but let's face it; this is what broke people to do.
So I've decided to give all my readers out there a quick list of top 10 movies from 2008 that you should make a point to watch. They aren't in any order, just make sure you watch them all.
1) Kung Fu Panda: Easily one of the best animated movies I've ever seen. I mean it's a Panda, that does Kung Fu! Think Karate Kid meets Beverly Hills Ninja.
2) Zack and Miri make a Porno: I know that every guy wishes they were Zack.
3) Wall - E: Ok, another really good animated movie. Also, how can you say anything bad about a movie where the lead characters can only say two things "WALLL EEEEEEE" and "EEEE-VVVAAA"
4) Slumdog Millionaire: I generally tend to view all movies coming from Bollywood or made by people in Bollywood with a very critical eye. Having said that, this movie does not have any of your usual Bollywood song and dance (THANK GOD!), and is actually very well thought out and the acting is also really good. Also, their representation of India is actually very accurate.
5) RocknRolla: A Guy Ritchie movie that's been a long time coming. Also, Thandie Newton is looking reallly fine in this one.
6) Tropic Thunder: Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr. and Tom Cruise. The fact that I didn't realise Tom Cruise even played a part in the movie is a testimony to the brilliant job done by him.
7) Iron Man: I've never been a big Marvel fan, but Iron Man actually won me over with an action packed movie, and once again Robert Downey Jr. killed it.
8) Transformers: I mean come on! Giant Robots that transform into cars and blow shit up. My only peeve about this movie is that they didn't give Optimus Prime the respect he deserves (Yes, yes... I'm a nerd! By the way I've just written a top 10 movie list and you are reading it. Trust me, I'm a nerd and so are you!).
9) Knocked Up: Ok, technically this movie came out in 2007, but since I only watched it in 2008 I'm putting it here. Also, I'm at the bottom of my list and really couldn't think of anything that deserved to take the place of this one. I mean what better way to get a hot chick to spend the rest of her life with you than to knock her up! Classic! I actually had a friend that suggest I do this. The friend was female, nuff said!
10) The Dark Knight: Yes, I saved the best for last. Let's face it Heath Ledger killed it. Christian Bale was well Christian Bale and anybody is an improvement over Katie Holmes.
So there you go, that's my must watch list of movies from 2008 (give or take a month!), also these are best watched when either eating Hot Dog's, Cheese Omelette's or Salami Sandwiches!
I mean really? First of all, making a sandwich isn't easy, first you gotta take out the bread, then spread the mayo, then you have the salami and the hot sauce and this doesn't even include using mustard! Bottom line, I choose to ignore them.
So, this weekend I spent cooking and watching movies. Sure, it may sound boring to most people, but let's face it; this is what broke people to do.
So I've decided to give all my readers out there a quick list of top 10 movies from 2008 that you should make a point to watch. They aren't in any order, just make sure you watch them all.
1) Kung Fu Panda: Easily one of the best animated movies I've ever seen. I mean it's a Panda, that does Kung Fu! Think Karate Kid meets Beverly Hills Ninja.
2) Zack and Miri make a Porno: I know that every guy wishes they were Zack.
3) Wall - E: Ok, another really good animated movie. Also, how can you say anything bad about a movie where the lead characters can only say two things "WALLL EEEEEEE" and "EEEE-VVVAAA"
4) Slumdog Millionaire: I generally tend to view all movies coming from Bollywood or made by people in Bollywood with a very critical eye. Having said that, this movie does not have any of your usual Bollywood song and dance (THANK GOD!), and is actually very well thought out and the acting is also really good. Also, their representation of India is actually very accurate.
5) RocknRolla: A Guy Ritchie movie that's been a long time coming. Also, Thandie Newton is looking reallly fine in this one.
6) Tropic Thunder: Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Robert Downey Jr. and Tom Cruise. The fact that I didn't realise Tom Cruise even played a part in the movie is a testimony to the brilliant job done by him.
7) Iron Man: I've never been a big Marvel fan, but Iron Man actually won me over with an action packed movie, and once again Robert Downey Jr. killed it.
8) Transformers: I mean come on! Giant Robots that transform into cars and blow shit up. My only peeve about this movie is that they didn't give Optimus Prime the respect he deserves (Yes, yes... I'm a nerd! By the way I've just written a top 10 movie list and you are reading it. Trust me, I'm a nerd and so are you!).
9) Knocked Up: Ok, technically this movie came out in 2007, but since I only watched it in 2008 I'm putting it here. Also, I'm at the bottom of my list and really couldn't think of anything that deserved to take the place of this one. I mean what better way to get a hot chick to spend the rest of her life with you than to knock her up! Classic! I actually had a friend that suggest I do this. The friend was female, nuff said!
10) The Dark Knight: Yes, I saved the best for last. Let's face it Heath Ledger killed it. Christian Bale was well Christian Bale and anybody is an improvement over Katie Holmes.
So there you go, that's my must watch list of movies from 2008 (give or take a month!), also these are best watched when either eating Hot Dog's, Cheese Omelette's or Salami Sandwiches!
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