To Do or Not To DooDoo

So, most of you will be quick to judge this post as a lousy attempt of humor. But it's not. You see what I'm about to discuss is off immense importance to me.

That's right we're about to discuss what we're allowed to do in a bathroom. Sure, this subject has been hashed and rehashed over and over and you are probably asking what's left to discuss? Well, just recently I had a conversation with a few people and all of them seemed to have the most skewed perspective on this topic.

First of all let's start with the simplest one. Taking a piss.

Now, this is easy because the basics are easy:

1) When you feel the need to urinate in someones house make sure you don't miss.

2) When in a public restroom you need to try and leave one urinal space between each person. The people that fail to follow through with this one need to be hit with a baseball bat.

3) Finally, always without fail make sure you wash your hands. If you fail to do this, you are going to hell. If you really think God let's people who don't wash their hands after taking a pee into Heaven, you are kidding yourself!

Now, we come to the the center of my weekend conversation which is taking a dump and what you are allowed to do when you are busy dropping the kids off at the pool.

The way I see it, I think most people have very negative images and attitudes with regard to taking a deuce. In my opinion, I think dropping it like it's hot is one of the most natural and relieving things to do.

I spend a minimum of 5 minutes everyday on the pot and the way I see it, I need ways to entertain myself when on there. It could be a comic: nothing beats reading about the Justice League saving the world when you let it all out. Sometimes, its a Magazine: Maxim has great tips on how to make a Porch for the house I may one day own. Then you always have Novels: I still remember the morning I read that Harry Potter lives was exceptionally relieving. I think it may also have had something to do with the food I had the night before. Definitely something about spicy Indian food that turns your bowel inside out.

However, I digress. Nowadays I don't really have anything to read when on the pot so I've taken to bringing my phone into the loo. Sure, all you people are probably groaning away at the thought of it. You know what? I bet all of you have your own "dirty" secrets as well. I just happen to have the guts to write it down for posterity in a public forum.

Let's face it, the 5 - 10 minutes I spend on my throne everyday is really great for taking care of work. I send off emails, I check Facebook updates, I would also be checking my Twitter updates except the app on my phone isn't working. I even check up on sick friends like Wishy Washy (Who doesn't even appreciate my concern!). I play games and in the last week have doubled my High Score in Brick Breaker! I get too check my brothers location every morning on Google Maps, which is my way of making sure he's alive. Finally, just this morning I carried out a conversation with my sister about her love life on MSN while doing the deed.

You know what? I love taking my phone with me when I go potty! I'm not ashamed to admit it. I also feel, people need to get off their high horses and admit that it's great idea.

And by the way, I've never understood the whole "Oh you took the book / phone to the bathroom! Disgusting!". Hey guess what? All the while I'm handling items on my commode, my hands are clean! And last I checked, taking a shit doesn't release airborne germs into the air that magically attach themselves to the surface of books or cellphones.

So, I repeat do yourself a favor, get off your high horses and start enjoying the time spent while attaining nirvana.