My First Dated

Have you ever noticed how something you saw when you were a kid seemed a lot cooler at the time than now when you're all grown up?

I mean this has happened to me on multiple occasions. I always hoped there were things I would never be too old for. For example Cartoons and Chocolate Chip cookies. It's a scary thought when you contemplate all the things that you are too old for at the age of 40, 50 and 60.

Dammit there goes my Enfield when I'm 60!

I guess after everything is said and done, there will always be things you are too old for. Somethings especially get dated faster than others. When I was 14 and reading Archie Comics, I never thought I would get too old for them, now I look at them and can't read more than two pages before putting the book down in complete disbelief because of how naive some of the characters are. Dammit Veronica, just get into a three some already, Midge and Betty are waiting!

Even movies, have any of you watched the movie Rad? I always believed that movie to be awesome. When I watched it recently, I couldn't get past the first 5 mins. There is no plot, the acting is terrible and don't even get me started on the cheesy 80's bike tricks and music.

Hell, even HCHHSSTT's can get dated. You see a girl you think is hot when you are 14, and by the time you are 18 and old enough to make a move you realise how butt ugly she is.

In the end, I guess that's how it is. You grow up, you become more cynical, you lose the ability to enjoy things that once would've never had a problem keeping your attention. I just hope I never grow out of watching cartoon's, eating cereal and acting like a complete dork when I want too.

Too all the things that I can't take seriously in my life anymore (that would be you Archie comics) I just wanted to say, thank you for the good times, the bad times and everything in between.

My First Diss

Diss. So I googled the word, and believe it or not Google had completely irrelevant definitions of the word. Stunning! So what does it mean to get Dissed? It means somebody disrespected you.

There are ton's of way to disrespect some one. Sure you could spit on them, you could also call them names (This I'm really good at!) or you could even do something as subtle as question their judgement.

It's even worse when the person questioning your judgement is supposed to be a valued friend. I mean if that person is questioning your judgement, hell everybody and their mom is going to question it.

The funny part is I don't know if I should be disappointed? or Angry? I guess it's a combination of both.

Let me tell you, its easier to recover from a HCHHSSTT rejecting you than from a good friend questioning your very judgement and on many levels your ability to make decisions.

Oh well, I guess just the way you bounce back from an HCHHSSTT turning you down, you recover from this and you hope to hell the friend doesn't do it again. Once is forgivable, twice is just not cool.

My First Suprise

Well, its been pretty well documented that I'm still hunting for an apartment. It's also been pretty well documented that I haven't found said apartment. I even believe the fact that I might be homeless in under two weeks has been pretty well documented. Fear not, I shall keep blogging.

So any way's I finally saw a place today which had potential. Definitely a place I would be interested in inhabiting. So obviously I told the broker as such and asked her to call me back with final figures.

Being the good broker that she is (A broker in India is only as good as they are greedy for money), she promptly called me and asked me a two very important questions:

1) Are you a bachelor? Or Family?

2) What is your caste?

No, I didn't start laughing... instead I took a deep breath and tried to answer those questions.

Yes, I am a bachelor and it's not entirely out of choice. Trust me I want to be a "Family". I even love the song "We are Family!". When I told her I was a bachelor she promptly asked: Will your mother ever come and visit? To which I replied "Yeah sure, maybe for a couple of days". In my mind I was thinking (Over my dead body! No disrespect Mom, I love you! But I don't think I want you to come to my 1 bedroom apartment in the middle of nowhere where I plan on practicing multiple acts of debauchery!).

The second question was even funnier. Believe it or not, I actually do know my caste. I take great pride in the fact that I am not a Brahman. Instead I'm an awesomely cool Kshatriya (OK, screwed up the spelling... been a while). Kshatriya's are the warrior class and yes we get all the HCHHSSTT's. However, I didn't feel like answering her question and instead said "What caste? I don't know!" To which she asked me are you a Muslim? Now, I know all these questions and answers are probably boring you. But trust me I'm coming to the point. The point is, how the hell does it matter what religion I am when I'm looking for an apartment?

I mean if this is how supposedly educated people behave, it kinda makes you realise that all those little kids that join the Al Quaeda don't really stand a chance do they? I mean we live in a secular country and we refuse to rent out apartments to bachelors and better yet Muslims. Since when did religion dictate the availability of an apartment? I mean I am so taken back and so disappointed that I can't even joke about it. I'm sorry to say but it's times like this that really make me ashamed to be an Indian.

Sure a bunch of redneck's may not vote for a black man to be president, but at least they won't stop the black man from living in their apartments. They will just make sure they double the rent. I'll take that over the religion criteria any day.

Oh and for the record I'm supposed to be a Hindu, but how does it matter... at this rate I think we're all going to hell.

My First Miss

OK, So I missed a post for today. Honestly, I have no excuse... I guess I just got caught up with work (ha ha ha.. work! I still can't say that with a straight face!) or it could've been that I had nothing to post about again so I decided to create work so that I wouldn't have to post.

Unfortunately, I felt guilty about it and am posting now. Technically, all my US based readers (Yes, I have a few... I think) are still 6 hours behind and hence it counts as yesterday or rather today. Depends on how you want to look at it.

So, here's hoping I don't sound too corny and stupid but I just wanted to say "I love the fact that I have some very cool friends and a really cool brother". I would name them but really the list would be embarrassingly small and I don't think I can deal with that kind of humiliation. Also, I don't want to list my brother here by name because personally I don't think he's completely worthy of being named. Especially since he dropped me from 1st to 6th on his fave sibling list just because I didn't buy him a birthday present and just because I don't call him ever and just because I don't make funny video's like his new #1 sibling. Wow, talk about a running sentence.

Any way's my point is it's awesome having good friends especially when some offer you a place to stay when you have no place to stay. And it's awesome sharing a first drink with a friend... he can't drink cause he actually cares about his health unlike myself. Or finally when you meet the younger brother of your best friend and you realise he's grown into a really cool dude.

I guess it all matter's. Even that brother who drops you to 6th in his sibling list but still makes the effort to call you every three days to check if you have an apartment. Still if it were up to me I'd love to drop a piano on his head the way I would for my sister, but it would be a much bigger piano.

My First Nonsensical Post

So, OK this isn't really my first bad week, but its damn well been a pretty bad week.

First, I have to find an apartment in the next week or I'm going to be homeless. Second, I'm supposed to take more initiative at work to come up with task's for me to do. That's not happening because let's just say I enjoy sitting on my ass doing nothing a little too much. Third I haven't gotten laid all week... OK I haven't gotten laid a lot longer than that, but you get my point.

Now, what does one do to make their week better? Me, I'd try drinking except I'm broke. I could try picking up chick's but again I'm broke and judging my recent track record I'd have to have a couple of million. I could always buy something to cheer me up, but wait did I mention I'm broke?

Now, sure maybe I got a little carried away and spent too much money on certain item's that really do bring a smile to my face, but that's besides the point. I hate to say it, but either I get a raise or its time to work out a new system where we don't need to use money.

Personally I'm good with trying either of the methods. I mean a raise would really be handy, except that I have a bad feeling I'm about to enter a new tax bracket and get my ass handed to me on taxes (This is what happens when you don't invest!). Since that is not going to work. I think we should come up with a new method where we don't need to use money. Sure we could try some kind of barter system but we've already decided that's doesn't quite work. Plus I have no services to offer.

So how about a system where we magically get everything given to us and don't have to do anything. I think such a system could easily be created. Just read Harry Potter! They could conjure up anything. I guess its time to conjure up an ... wait for it... wait for it... HCHHSSTT!

Yep, My first nonsensical post where I have absolutely nothing of value to say. Good times!

Did I mention a colleague and I are planning on modifying our Enfield bikes to work on water because the price of gas just went up again. That's right! Water!

My First Sport

I love sport's, I really do. In the worst of situations sport's makes for an awesome ice breaker. Now, keep in mind I don't love all sports. Certain sports like Golf and Cricket if it were upto me would not be considered sports.

Now, Basketball is an amazing sport. It's something I follow religiously. It's fast, its exciting and the cheerleaders are hot as hell. Sure, the cheerleaders maybe a notch below the NFL, but still almost as good.

But I guess we have to ask the question: What is it about sport's that makes sane men go crazy?

I mean there I was watching the 2000 NBA playoffs and the Knicks were struggling to get to the finals and every second they had me on the edge and breaking a sweat. I think I was under more pressure then than the first time I had sex!

I still remember the time Ayrton Senna died and I actually shed a tear. I even remember what I was doing when the Lakers came back from being down 15 points in the last 7 mins to beat the Trailblazers for their chance at winning the NBA finals in 2000. They then went on to win the NBA Championship three years running. That was just torture. Hell, how can any of us even forget the shot taken by Jordan in his last finals against the Utah Jazz?

The point is sports play a vital role in the life of all men and sometimes we have to wonder why? Is it the Cheerleaders? I mean it's just as easy to watch women that are just as hot in some porno and best part is they are naked. So it can't be that. It could be the fact that everybody wants to be like Mike? Can't argue with this one. It could just be that what man wouldn't want to make a living by playing our favourite sport? I mean those of us that can't play a sport, try to write about it or just watch it and then bitch and moan when our favourite teams get the shit beaten out of them.

But, when they win... it's like nothing can go wrong. Sure we didn't personally get anything out of it, but our favourite sports team did. I recently had a friend strip off his shirt, wave it around like a crazy person and shed tears when his Man Utd. beat Chelsea for the UEFA Champions Cup. While he was doing this, the only thing running through my mind was "He is so going to regret this tomorrow when I make fun of him!" and "I wonder if he would trade this moment to get laid?"

My point is, sports make us do crazy things, behave in crazy ways. Sometimes its worth it. Sometimes you just wish you could walk away. Cause sometimes the heartbreak is worse than when that HCHHSSTT at the bar turns you down for the tenth time in one night.

My First Man Post

So, I'm sitting next to a friend who wants me to discuss something on my post. Apparently she claims I spend way too much time discussing HCHHSSTT's and other "Inane" topics. Personally I don't agree with her point of view but I figured since she's a friend I'll do her a favor and discuss whatever it is she wants me to discuss. I guess we'll be leaving the "Stalker" post I had all prepared for another day.

So today's post is going to be about how women find men "convenient". The first thing I did is get clarification on what she means by convenient: apparently it means that men are always thinking that women are mad, always at fault, and that men do whatever pleases them, when it pleases them.

Now after analysing this argument from her, I've basically realised that I was wrong and that maybe somewhere she had a point.

We do think women are mad and are insane and are almost always at fault. I mean let's see women say "No!" when they mean "Yes!" and vice versa. They expect us to guess their multiple mood swings and we're also supposed to know the answer to the question "Do these jeans make my ass look big?" and "Do you really love me?". I mean come on! Really??? Now, that doesn't mean we won't put up with it! We'll deal with the insanity, I mean after all there are varying degree's of insanity and us Manly Men have nothing but love for all the women out there and personally if dealing with the insanity gets me laid again sometime this decade, well then so be it!

Now on another note do we always do things when it suits us? Yes, we do. I won't lie. We're selfish creatures and we love ourselves a lot. Enough so that we don't have to deal with self confidence issues the way all women do (Example of how ALL women suffer from self confidence issues: I told a model this weekend how stunning she looked, her response was "Don't say things you don't mean". This from a super hot model I would give my left and right nuts to date. Oh! And she was serious when she said that!). This inadvertently makes us do whatever we want when we want. This is how the booty call came around, lets face it we wanted sex at 3 am cause we couldn't sleep because we were suffering from our daily bout of rampant horniness and called the first girl we could think off. Wham! Booty call!

So, yes I totally see where this girl is coming from and I feel for her pain, cause after all for her to be calling us men convenient it must mean that one of us men did something which was probably very inconvenient for her. It's not easy being a girl I understand that, but really don't you women bring a lot of this on yourselves? After all you are the ones that answered that 3 am Booty call.