A day in the life of a 26 year old...

I can't explain why, but for some reason I have a good feeling about this year. Generally when I turn older, I'm filled with a lot of negative energy. I worry about aging and how I'll never do all the things I want to set out too.

Honestly, I thought this year was going to be worse. But something happened, something occurred and I can't quite place my finger on it, but it filled me with a sense of ... well... contentment and security. It could've been finding out I have some pretty good friends (though I still question this a lot! You know who you are!), it could've been remembering how much my family cares for me (Yes, my devil incarnate Lil Sister as well), or maybe it was just growing a year older.

I'm not sure what it is, but I really have a good feeling about this year. Now, I hope I didn't just jinx it, but hey wouldn't you be bragging if you felt good about turning 26 as well? Of course, it will be interesting to see how long this feeling lasts. If it lasts up until the 2nd of Jan, I'll consider it a success.

So, with this new feeling boiling up within me I decided to make a few changes. Of course nothing as drastic as joining the gym. More along the lines of modifying Suzzanne. Something I've been meaning to do for months but have either been lazy or just not had the cash for. Now modifying Suzzanne will be a 3 phase project.

Phase 1: Getting rid of the backseat and making her a single seater. I believe since she's my bike and since I abhor sharing my things. The best way to stop myself from giving rides to people (especially those that I don't like!) is to simply remove the rear seat. Now in the process, she looks so much better. Now she looks cleaner, sleeker and oh so much sweeter. Of course this also helps me avoid getting into trouble. Let me tell you, the kind of trouble you can get into with a rear seat, well I'm just happy it's gone.

As for Phase 2 and 3, well I'll discuss them in other posts as they.

Of course Phase 1 pretty much took up my entire day and hence let me feeling pretty good about day one of my 26th year. Not even having my helmet stolen could dampen my spirits. Truth be told I've been meaning to change my helmet for a while. I think this was a sign.

Finally, thank you all that wished me and remembered my Birthday. Those of you that didn't wish me or remember, well there is always next year.

My First post of my 26th year!

This gift is from my darling Mom, Didi and Dada (Alan!).

http://in.youtube.com/watch?v=lGQwIqljhic

Enjoy!

Thanks for all the best wishes people!

Counting down.... 3... 2... 1....

So three hours left before I turn 26. To think I'm actually turning 26 tonight / tomorrow. I've heard its all downhill from here. I'm doing my best to not believe that, but so far I'm failing miserably. Anyway, I thought I'd list down all the stuff I feel I've accomplished and maybe a few lessons I learnt this year. Of course they won't be in any particular order, but it should be interesting if I can come up with at least 10.

So here goes:

1) Bought my first Bike / Car : Ok, down payments are a bitch! However, the monthly installments are pretty low. Maintenance and gas can also be a little irritating. Is it worth it? So far the bike hasn't gotten me laid, but I have a feeling that's more my shortcoming than my bikes. All said and done, she's awesome and I'm glad I bought her.

2) Learnt to drive a Bike / Car : Ok, so some of you may consider this cheating, but really I don't. I actually can't believe that I had to wait till I was 25 to get my license. Something always came in the way before that.

3) Made a bunch of new friends, lost a bunch of old ones : So, yeah this was a funny year with regard to friends. I feel maybe I've changed a lot and well bottom line is a lot of friends that I've known for a while, well guess we just all went our different ways. On the flip side a couple of new ones. One of them would be BWSP (Batman Wannabe Scared of Pigeons!) and definitely a few others. You know who you are.

4) My Lil Sister : I found out that I can finally connect with my Lil sister again, this took me over a year to get done. I'm glad we managed to work things out.

5) Failures : This was the year of numerous failures, but in retrospect, the weren't all bad. Thing's could definitely have been a lot worse than they were. And after all what are failures except instances to learn from right? Or so we keep telling ourselves that. Well I'd like to think I'm a better man for them. I'm probably not, but I can always hope.

6) Reading comics : So I managed to read a whole ton of Comics this year, I feel that's definitely an accomplishment. I mean I read the entire Death of Superman series, Batman : Cataclysm, the Justice League of America Series and so many more.

7) Stupidity : In bed with a girl and calling out another girl's name. Hilariously Stupid.

8) Dad : Thanks, took you a while, but it's nice having him back in my life. In some form or the other.

9) Moments : This year, two things happened that entered my Top 3 moments ever. And none of them involved sex. Insane!

10) Craziness : I saw a 60 year old hitting on a 20 year old at a bar. That was craziness... they were asking each other homogeneous questions! What the hell is homogeneous???

See, told you, I'd struggle to come to ten! There is one more thing, it's not a lesson, not an accomplishment. It's just a wakening realization that there is hope for all of us out there in this crazy world. It's not necessarily a bright beacon, but it's there. I've also realised that my posts have turned into ramblings.

After recapping, It wasn't a bad year. I may not be a millionare superhero yet... but hey at least I'm on my way somewhere. A wise person reminded me of something: It's not getting to the goal that matters. The goal is actually the journey. Enjoy the journey and you'll have gotten to your goals.

So with that I bid thee adieu. Guess what!?! The next time I post I'll be 26. Woohoo!

Need Not.. Want Not... Waste Not.

You ever wonder if we got all the things we wished for, would it really make us happier? Or would we just end up wanting more and end up in a perpetual state of depression?

I recently got something I've been hoping for, it's something I've been thinking off for a while. Well, after I got it I wondered, maybe it was a mistake? Maybe I was better off without it? Maybe because I got it, things would be different? Not necessarily in a bad way, but just different. Maybe, I'd even end up more despondent than before?

I wonder maybe I'm not so happy now that I got it. I ask my self so many questions! Questions that earlier did not eat at me as much. What's worse is, I know I want more now, and I'm so sure I won't get any more.

Some would conclude that what I got was given to me by mistake. That maybe I didn't even deserve it. Of course, I'd like to think I deserved what I got, but I still wonder that maybe just maybe I was better off without it.

(If I come off incoherent right now, it's cause my thoughts have been incoherent for a while, that and I just downed a bottle of Port Wine. Chances are my thoughts are probably incoherent because of the Port Wine, but I like to believe I can hold my liquor!)

So I know now, that what I got was a "mistake", in that moment what I received may have made sense, maybe even had some meaning to it. But (and trust me, there is always a but!) in the grand scheme of things "it doesn't mean anything", that maybe "I should just not dwell upon it and let it be". Knowing this, would I allow for the mistake to happen again?

The answer is Simple. The answer is a simple, resounding Yes.

I would let all of it happen again. Just because a few people feel it's a mistake, doesn't always make it a mistake. It doesn't have to mean more than what it did for a moment. But then, I believe life is just a string of moments put together. Finally and this is the part that compels me to answer with a resounding Yes, even if, it was just for a moment. A moment that maybe lasted just twenty seconds... It felt so Right!

Time and again

A really good friend of mine lost her father today, as always I never know what to say when faced with a situation like this. I always think words are inadequate in these situations. I mean let's face it you have no idea what the other person is going through. In retrospect you also realise that it's only a matter of time before it's you that loses someone important. That's the really scary part.

I consider myself fairly lucky. I've gone through all my life without losing anybody that I truly care for, something that I am very grateful for. The only loss that I've truly felt is that of Sasha. She meant a lot to me, and to this day the only person that made me hate God. I screamed at him for it, and to this day I remember the noises she made right before she went. She died well before her time. On the flip side, I know she's a lot happier where ever she is, after all she doesn't have my brother to worry about anymore.

When my Mom's dad passed away I'm sorry to say I didn't care one way or the other. I was sorry for my Mom's loss cause in a lot of way's she doted on him. I guess that's the connection father's and daughters share. I however did not see his loss as affecting my life one way or the other. The point is, there may be just a few people you care about in your life and you never quite realise when they are ready to take their leave.

Cliche as it is, take a moment to reflect and savor all the people that are still with you. All it takes is a snap of a finger and everything you know can be lost.

To my friend, I wish to pass on my deepest sympathy's and all my love. I just hope you know that if you ever need anything from me, I'll try my best to be there for you.

Updates in the world of Zrd!

First of all why do I refer to my self as Zrd? I think it's a power name. You have the Z.. the r and the d! I mean really can you have a better set of initials in sequence like that? I don't think so!

If you are wondering, yes I am slightly tipsy right now, I've found myself writing whenever I am tipsy lately, and the first question that comes to my mind is "Am I that emotionally unstable??" the second question is "Am I drinking too much??" The third question is "Should I stop?" for some reason I enjoy having my happy buzz! Unfortunately, I also wish I had better people to share this happy buzz with!

So, I just promised my lil sister I'll be there for her birthday in Calcutta this year.. that means flying out on the 1st of Jan and coming back on the 5th of Jan... is it feasible? Yes it is! So guess the one trip I've been putting off for a long time is finally going to happen. I guess it's weird going back to a place where I barely have any roots is kinda weird. Worse yet, I have to meet the one Grandmother of mine whom I actually like. Why is it bad that I have to meet her? Well, it's cause she suffers from Alzheimer's and I doubt she'll remember me.

I just got back from the movie "The day the Earth stopped moving" and I have to admit, nice special effects. However does Keanu Reeves ever have more than one facial expression other than the "DUH!" look? At the end of the day I think I spent more money than was worth. Must remember to tighten the wallet strings!

So here I am, one week away from my 26th birthday and listening to "Don't stop believing" by Journey. I just left two of my friends on the street's of Bombay after a couple of drinks. They left apart, but more together than I've seen them in a long time. When I see them, I ask myself a lot of questions. Honestly, do we all end up more together when apart? Or do some of us manage to stay together. I guess we all just have to do what the song says and "don't stop believing".

Oh well, guess I'll go to bed now and reflect on the past week or two. On the flip side, my lil sister did promise not to make out with her boyfriend in front of me when I visit.

Friends and moments you take for granted

I always tend to take my friends for granted, and I'm sure a whole lot of you out there do. It's not just friends, it extends to family as well and obviously moments.

When I was in NYC, I took my best friend for granted, I took both of my roommates for granted (both of whom are people that you would kill to know), I took my Didi for granted (I am so sorry that I did!) and most of all I took all the time I spent there for granted.

It's funny, you wake up one day and look back and realise that without these people, you would be nowhere in life. In fact you wouldn't be half the man you are. It's also funny how an evening spent drinking beer makes you realise these things. Of course after that you realise you take all the beer drinking for granted. Let me tell you... never ever take the beer drinking for granted.

So here I am today, and all I can think about are the moments spent playing monopoly with my bro before he left for the states (I fleeced him for everything he had), or the moments spent playing Halo with my roommie, then there were the times spent discussing Michael Jordan with my other roommie along with all our past high school moments, don't lets forget the time spent with best friends talking about HCHHSSTT's and pounding back beers. Then the moments when your sister admits she thought you were the coolest thing ever or how about the fact that your Dad keeps asking you to eat dinner with him when you stay with him and then you finally have the time when your Mom Say's she's proud of you just cause it's you. How about those time's when my Didi cooked whatever I wanted for Sunday lunch?

I know I took all of this for granted, and I know I will continue to do so, cause hey that's who I am, and it's not an excuse! I would never excuse this behaviour, it's a character flaw and I know it. All I can say is I promise that one day I'll make up for it. It may take me a long time, but I will.

I still remember that one time, 2:30 am and making my way to a strip club... the night before Neil's graduation... moments, don't want to come off sappy, but these are once in a life time moments.

To my boy Sanka: You are right, it takes but a moment to make changes, but sometimes the changes that matter most are the ones that take longer than one moment.

Appraisal's, feedbacks, little sister's and women we can't get

So I just read my lil sister's blog (you can go read it at diggingpotatoes.blogspot.com). This pain's me a lot and I doubt I'll ever recover from admitting to it, but since I am a little buzzed from drinking I might as well admit: My lil sister is a better writer than I am. Right now is a good time for the Lord to strike me down with lightning and make me never have to live through the moment where she starts laughing at me and yelling "LOSER!". Seriously though, the post's may appear long and sometimes a little dreary, but definitely worth a read.

So it's that time of the month, when the higherup's in the company (No, I'm not one of them! Blasphemy.. I know!) decide to give us little people feedback on our performance and if we're good enough we get a salary increment. While I can't tell you if I received an increment or not, I can tell you my feedback was mostly positive. Trust me, I'm as surprised as you. I expected them to tell me to pack my bags and leave that very day. But I guess that's what makes feedback so important, you don't always know what kind of job your doing and sometimes you need somebody to tell you even if its not always positive.

So, I took Suzzanne (my bike for those not familiar) out for a nice long ride this past weekend, and let's just say I appreciate her all the more. A couple of us stayed out in a nice villa and spent all evening sipping whiskey and eating meat. Two of us even strayed out for a walk in the night and looked at the stars. All the while I was thinking two thoughts; "Why couldn't you be single and why can't I have met you seven years ago" and "two lost souls swimming in a fishbowl, year after year, running over the same old ground". Why is it that we always want something we can't have? Why is it sometimes just having a person near you can make all the difference between being absolutely bored and ecstatically happy? I guess, I could always make something happen in another lifetime? I'm sorry I don't mean to come of sounding so pathetic (Though I am off the opinion that my picture should be up next to the definition of the word pathetic in Webster's dictionary).

Well it's December, and I turn 26 this month. Time flies eh? I wonder what the 16 year old me would say if he saw where I was right now. I mean I have my own apartment, I ride a bike, I have a job that pays me well and gets me semi excited. But, I'm missing something... and I think I know what it is. No, I do know what it is... but I wonder, if I had it would I be happier? Wow, 26! Some how I can't fathom the fact that I'm actually an adult now. I guess we all yearn for the day's when we were 16? Almost a decade ago... a decade... sometimes, we just have to ask ourselves "where did we go wrong?" or is it "where did we go right?"

Like I said: I'm 26, I have a job, I have my own apartment, I ride a bike and while I may not be where I thought I would be when I was 16, I don't think I'm doing too badly. I may be single and I may not have found my calling in life; but I just realised that I have the next 10 years to change that.

Where has all the sanity gone?

The 26th of November, a day that will live in infamy! The day they woke up a sleeping giant! Wait.. who are we kidding! Let's be honest, 5 years from now we wouldn't remember a thing about the 26th of November if it weren't for the media constantly flashing reminders of the violence.

Y'all think I'm being "insensitive, uncaring, and definitely crass" don't you? The way I look at it, I'm just being honest. By the way I don't speak from ignorance, I speak from experience.

I'm 25 years old (Unfortunately, not for long) and in my 25 years I've been victim to many an act of violence. I was beat up by my older brother growing up (Thanks Dada!), I was made fun of as a kid (Children can be Oh So Cruel!), I was once close to being molested in the elevator of a country that can only be defined as the armpit of Satan, there was also the time I flew into Delhi Airport right as Rajiv Gandhi was killed and I was stuck in a hotel all night by myself at the tender age of 9 (was very close to being kidnapped as well!), there was also the time that I was in a building and it got hit by a plane.. oh wait! You know that as 9/11! and finally the times I got robbed at gun point, followed finally by 26/11! (What an anti climax eh??). I also love how creative us Indians are, we really couldn't come up with a name with more impact? I mean 26/11 was the best we had to offer? Who came up with this? I need to do research and find the name of the genius behind it!


How can one guy experience so much violence? I don't know! That's a story for another day. The point of this post is: after all of this I don't remember what day they happened on and for the most part barely acknowledge them happening. This is not me repressing. This is just me getting numb to all the violence around me. On September 11th of 2008 let me tell you, I did not spend any time mourning the dead. As shocking as it is, I didn't even recall what had happened 7 years earlier. In fact, how numb am I? A colleagues brother of mine was kidnapped, half his body burnt, tied and bound into a suitcase and left in the boot of a car. When I found out, all I could say was "That sucks".

I think we're all just surrounded by so much violence that we tend to get numb to it. I partially blame the media, it doesn't help when all your broadcasts are oriented towards sex and violence. Fortunately, I enjoy sex so I don't plan on getting numb to that, but violence can get a little irritating after a while.

All you people out there coming up with support groups for the injured and dead, or asking our political leaders to take some action, or hey even the the people that went to the Ground Zero to mourn the dead... I have a question for all of you... where were you before the violence took place and what did you do to try and stop it? Me, at least I have an excuse. I'm just numb.

What time is it?

So, I want to ask you a quest? If you could choose any time period to live in which would it be?

My colleague and I spend a lot of time discussing these things. This being the colleague that thinks he's Batman but is scared of birds. We managed to come up with a few interesting time periods:

One that I could think of was World War I - Flying a Sopwith Camel over the cloudy skies of France, getting into a dogfight with "Ze Germans!" and taking down those filthy dogs at 10,000 feet! And when you land, nothing beats a cold beer and hot french women "Allo Allo!"

Then you have the early 15th century! There you are Captain of the HCHHSSTT! Yarr Matey! Buxom Bosoms! Booty! and most of all danger and treachery of the high seas! I would have called myself Captain Zrd! (something about initials! They make for character!). Personally I'd also have had my very own harem of women on my ship captured and bought from around the world! Where's all the Rum and HCHHSSTT gone???

Of course, we can't forget the Wild Wild West! I would've made like a Jesse James! Best part is all the whiskey you can handle and a ton of really fine HCHHSSTT! (By the way I'm not trying to bring them up, it just happens to be that all these time periods were abundant in really fine women!). You're luuking at the ffaassstesstt ggguunn in the West pardner!

Then we have the sixties! Who wouldn't want to be there with all the wild rampant sex and drug use! Nuff said!

My colleague whom we shall refer to as The BWSP (The Batman Wannabe Scared of Pigeons) going forward, actually came up with a brilliant idea! Imagine if you were given 80 years to live, but you could split them however you wanted. I mean WOW! The possibilities are endless. 2 years spent following Jesus around the world before he was crucified. Maybe another year to see if he came back! Imagine spending a couple of years with Socrates and his disciples. 2 years in the sixties before I OD on it! Definitely leaving a year to be spent in space! The final frontier! These are the voyages of the Starship Zaev!

Think about it? How would you spend your time?

My First Change!

So it's been a while. I know a lot of ya'll are mad at me. I'm sorry, honestly I've been working hard to save my job. Few people know this, but I was close to being fired. Unfortunately, since I haven't been discovered yet as a writer and since I have yet to start on my first book. Unemployment wasn't an option I could afford. Believe me, all I did was work work work, all in an effort to earn my meagre earnings so I wouldn't have to go and live with my Mom or Dad. I hope you understand?

Now that you've forgiven me. Moving on! I'm going to basically cover a bunch of thoughts that have randomly been coming into my head.

1) Have you ever wondered why the world Bosom makes you think of a girl with really big breasts. While the word breasts always comes off sounding a little wanting? Who came up with the word Bosom? Better yet who came up with the phrase "Buxom Bosom"? My hat is off to that person. Sheer Genius.

2) End of 2008, beginning of 2009. I know it's a while yet, but I mean really? 2009?? I declare it the year of the Zaev! Who's with me on this one??? Anybody??? Do I finally get laid in 2009??? For that matter does my sister get laid before I do?? We should have a poll going! Who wants in??? (Trisha.. don't show this to your mom!)

3) Why don't more people drink beer? I mean I've realised... and it's taken me 25 years and 10 months to realise it, but beer is the alcoholic drink of choice for me. Why don't more people drink it? I understand in India, most local beers are pretty bad (let's just say kidney stones would be the least of your problems!). Yet, world over I believe we should start a movement encouraging people to drink beer. After all it's called Beer Goggles! Not Whiskey monocle!

4) Obama won! Ok, so I was wrong on the Americans being rednecks. Or maybe they realised that for once, the other rednecks were worse than the "African American Muslim from Hawaii"? Well, lets see where he gets us. I know I've already lost 1000rs. since he became president! (Never make bets with overzealous women when at a bar drinking beer!)

5) This is related to my above statement, whats the over / under on Obama staying in Office for another 4 years? Better yet, will he even survive 4 years?

6) Why is it that women insist on being friends with every guy they meet? Really? I mean ok so you can go bragging about how u have more men friends than women? Maybe it's because women hate all women but insist on talking to only men?!? Random thought! I can't help it!

7) Whatever happened to the code of "Bro's Before Ho's!". I've realised that as we head into the distant future, us Manly Men are forsaking our brother's just for the opportunity to get some play! Honestly, are things that bad for everybody? I thought I was the only one currently dealing with an economic recession of epic proportions!

8) On a related note, whats the Over / Under on this recession? Will it end in 1, 2, 4 or 6 years? Better yet, will I be able to keep my job during this recession. Or will I be forced to hand out party favors at the local Y for my meagre earnings.

9) So 26th birthday coming up... Is it really all downhill from here? I mean it's been pretty downhill from 23 onwards. Does it get worse?? Can it get worse??

10) Is 26 finally the time I lose some weight, get off my ass and make a name for myself? I wonder. As I ponder these random thoughts. I ask you to ponder them too.

Stay tuned for my next update! Oh and the change? No more My First's! We start a new Era now! It shall be an exciting time for us all! Journey on my wayward child!

My First Party!

So we recently had one of those work parties. You know the kind where you are forced to make an appearance, forced to drink a lot, forced to have fun and finally forced to blog about it.

However, I must admit... there is something fun about being forced to do all of the above.

What is it about these parties? I always end up having more fun than I expect. This time around I got into conversation with a guy who claimed that Beer was a "Pussy" drink. Pfft! The man obviously has never had Guinness! I say Manly Men drink Beer! Brilliant! I ended up dancing a lot (Godforsaken Muscle Cramps! Must learn to stay in goddamn shape!) most of it with a more than attractive woman (HCHHSSTT alert - Sorry had to figure out a way to work that in!).

Pictures oh so many pictures! In fact one of the highlights of my day today was coming to work and seeing random colleagues going the pictures and finding out that maybe they shouldn't have had as much to drink as they did. It's never fun to see that you have your arm around a girl you don't know and don't want to know (especially when you have to face them at work the next day!).

Note: what is it about one night with a girl that maybe doesn't amount to much in life, but for some reason ,that one night feels really special?

However, as always the bad comes with the good. Sigh, getting your ass kicked, having tons of people jumping on you and finally the constant replay of really bad music. (Note: Do not let your HR manager hire a DJ that works for free!).

Sorry, I've been away so long. In the words of Superman "I won't let you down!"

My First Hello!

Okay, ever been in a bar and suddenly you see somebody you went to school with 10 years ago, but never bothered to keep in touch with? And the person for some reason (Universe conspiring against you!) recognizes you and then you have the whole awkward reintroduction phase.

Yes, I've been there!

Lets face it, happens to the best of us. We tend to react by getting up and saying a very awkward "Hey! Wazzzup?". Then you get back to your table and hope to hell nobody asks you "Who the hell is that guy?" especially after he has had numerous drinks and is being loud and screaming across multiple tables going "I LOVE YOU MAN!".

I think we need to set some kind of rules for incidents like this. I mean lets face it, they can get pretty embarrassing. I remember once meeting this guy who worked in the same company (our interaction stretched as far as him coming over to my apartment and getting high with my roommate! Important Note: I disliked my roommate!) as myself at a club, and I didn't even remember his name. Rest assured it was an awkward evening whenever he came up to me and said "Have you met my girlfriend? She's Hot!".

The fact is when you see somebody from school or work (or any avenue of life for that matter), who you never liked or weren't close to the following rules should be followed:

1) While maintaining reasonable distance, give the person an acknowledgement nod. After which immediately turn around and ignore the person for the rest of the night. While it sounds impolite and rude, the results are worth it.

2) Under no circumstance, no matter how drunk... Do not go up to the person and start singing out loud with them. The last thing you want next day are memories of you belting out "Summer of 69" with a guy you may have intensely disliked.

3) If by some reason you chose to ignore rule one and go up to the person to say "hello", please make sure you incorporate a good getaway. Nobody likes uncomfortable silence that follows when you don't have an adequate follow up! Additionally, if you don't end the conversation, you end up leading to a scenario described in rule two.

4) If you fail to follow the above three rules, please do not exchange phone numbers. If you do. You have dug your own grave.

For a safe evening out, with no unwanted interruptions especially when with an HCHHSSTT. Please follow the above rules. God Speed.

My First Non Intellectual Question

So I figured, since the last post was about something smart. It was time I posted something that was smarter. I know you, my ardent reader are wondering "What exactly can he talk about that is smarter but Non-Intellectual?"

Well, it's simple! My question is three fold. And I really want answer's, so if you know the answers to these question's, please let me know. So without further ado the questions are:

1) Have you ever noticed women (especially in India) buy tops (We're calling anything worn above the waist "tops", as I'm too lazy to call out the different kinds of clothing worn by them. The list is endless!) that essentially show off a fair amount of cleavage.
Now, I don't have a problem with women wearing something that shows off cleavage. Hell it's a good thing! What upsets me is when women choose to wear something else under the top that essentially covers any cleavage that was revealed!
It's the same with skirt's. They'll buy these skirt's (nice and short) and then wear tights under them! What is the point? It's ok if they haven't waxed / shaved their legs and are covering something up. However, we all know it's not because of that!
If women are trying to do this to tease us, it's not working! It's more infuriating then anything else.
I know they blame it on us, saying "You pervs stare too much!" but my answer to that is "Don't dress like that if you don't want us to stare!". And don't even think about countering that with "Well, that's why we wear tights!" cause like I said it defeats the purpose! (As you can tell this really irks me!)

2) Why is it that sometimes a girl can look very attractive, and other times she can look really unattractive? I mean with guys, we're just unattractive all the time. At least we believe in constancy. I mean lets face it we are constantly ugly! At least I am, but women refuse to chose one side. Honestly, it's not fair because you know as well as I do, we only want to date the attractive version, not the ugly one. I know it sounds callous, but the fact is if we're dating a girl and one day she looks like an HCHHSSTT, the last thing we want to do is introduce her to our friends when she's not looking like an HCHHSSTT. You could blame it on the light, sure the light can do crazy thing's. For some reason though, I just can't blame the light for everything. It happens way too much for it to be blamed on light.

3) Why will all women take this post negatively instead of seriously asking themselves the above questions and answering them?

Sure, I know most people will say I'm a perv for asking these questions and will then go on to ellaborate how it's completely irrelevant. However, I feel if we knew the answers to these questions, the world would be a better place.

For the record I am not a perv, and I do not stare at women in High Heels, Short Skirts and Tight Tops! (At least not all the time!).

My First Intellectual Question

So what is with all the financial insecurity in the States? I know everybody is asking this, and I'm probably posting this after all the excitement is over... but so what!

I have a couple of things to say about all this:

First of all how does this impact the 2008 American Presidential Elections (By the way have you noticed how most people world over are more interested in the American Presidential Elections aka APE than the elections of their own countries?). Does Obama have a better shot now of winning the APE? or Is McCain still going to pull it off simply because he has a hotter Vice Presidential candidate.

Side note: Does the fact that she's got a pregnant teenage daughter help her more? I think it does, simply because it has her connect with the other mothers with teenage daughters that are pregnant? I don't see how it is a bad thing! I mean not only does she connects with all the white mom's out there with unwed pregnant teenage daughters, but she also connects with all the black mom's as well! I say Win Win! McCain for APE 2008!

Secondly, how in the world did some of the largest banks in the world lend money to people and fail to collect? I mean that is the bottom line isn't it? Don't these guys employ secret "Shylocks" to get their money back for them? Hell if the mobsters have enough sense to do this, shouldn't the banks! There is something to be said about street smarts. This is it!

Third, really? It took the downfall of 3 or 4 of the biggest institutions in Finance before the world realised that maybe its not good to have the World's economy so in sync with the American Economy? Really?

Fourth, why in the world has the Indian Rupee dropped in value! Don't these people realise I have a student loan to pay off! The weaker the Indian Rupee gets, means the more money I pay every month to pay off a stupid loan for a degree I'll never use! Money that would be used getting drunk and picking up HCHHSSTT's at various bars, that I now won't have the oppurtunity to frequent!

And finally fifth, does this mean we're not getting a tax refund this year?

Oh and while we're at it, thanks for using our hard earned Taxes to pay off the bad decisions of a bunch of moronic CEO's! (Fine, so I don't have to pay taxes, but I'm just speaking for all those other poor schmucks out there!).

My First Policy

A colleague and I were sitting today, and we were discussing the new building we are moving to. Yes, this is the same colleague that wants to be Batman but is scared of birds!

So after discussing the possibility of a new building we realised that with a new building, we should have a new Policy.

The Policy could be related to out of station housing amenities (available only to management!), or expatriates (Damn white people stealing the brown man's job!), or free food at the cafeteria (very important to note that this always leaves the cafeteria with no food!). However, none of these were as interesting as coming up with a new Dress Code.

So, this is what we decided on:

For Men:

1) All men can dress as they please. Comfort before style. (We figured the CEO and the president of the company are both men, so it would be prudent to institute a policy that allowed them to dress as they pleased).


For Women:

1) All women must wear either skirts or jeans. If it is a skirt it must be at least two inches above the knees. If they chose to wear jeans, it should be daisy duke tight.

2) Tops which are sexy, tight, and show ample cleavage.

3) All women should wear High Heels, nothing under 3 inches allowed.

4) Women can chose to wear makeup or chose to go without. They can also chose to accessorize in any which way they like. However, they are not to bring bags bigger than a "Clutch" (small women's hand bag) to work.

5) Traditional Indian clothing (Since we work for an Indian company based in India) can be worn, but they must be designed by the same people that design those clothes in the various Bollywood Movies we see. In simple words, only those that are sexy.

6) Please note no "Skorts, pants, jackets, shorts (Unless tight denim ones) and 3/4ths" are allowed.


I just realised we came up with a Dress code that has all women dressed as HCHHSSTT's! Brilliant!


Another colleague also suggested placing the air conditioners below the floor and hence point up from the ground. I would have to agree that this was a most brilliant idea, however pretty over the top.

Now I know a lot of my female readers would be very upset with the above dress code,

I mean lets face it, a policy that allows men to dress as they please and forces women to dress in something they would never dress up in. I would even go as far as to say this post probably has some of you thinking that I'm nothing but a Male Chauvinistic pig who is cheap and was raised badly.

The truth is can you really expect better from people raised in a completely male chauvinistic and repressed society like ours?

My First Awakening

I've realised that I enjoy good food. In fact, the thing I miss most about New York was the fact that I had access to the best cooked meals ever.

No, I didn't use to eat outside, or use a catering service. I happen to be related to a world renowned chef, I refer to her as "Didi". Now, don't get me wrong I truly love her and for a lot of reasons. I mean lets face it, if it weren't for her I wouldn't be half the man I am today (literally and figuratively!).

Now, you have to realise my "Didi" happened to contribute a lot to my life such as wisdom, street smarts, confidence, arrogance, love and a tattoo.

However, the thing that stands out most about her and makes me realise exactly how far away I am from her, is the simple fact that I find myself very hungry most of the time (Something that never used to happen back in NYC).

I'm talking about lasagna, pork chops, pork curry, steaks, beef chili, lemon chicken, lemon cheese cake, brownies, even healthy food like grilled chicken and the occasional salad was made edible. Now we're not talking about normal food, we're talking about the cheesiest lasagna's ooozzing with meatsauce and jalapenos galore. Trully makes your mouth water. The steaks oh so tender, that you actually contemplate for all of 1 second the cow that was sacrificed. The cheese cake, cookie crumb base with soft creamy center. The salad... Umm... Leafy.

What is the point of this entire post you ask? Well it's simple, food is underrated. Sex or Food? Bet you wouldn't know what to chose. And No! Sex and Food is not a third option.

Oh another thing, believe it or not I love her for more than just her cooking. Atleast I think I do. No wait I do, I mean come on, who do you think used to clean up my diapers?

Note: Didi stands for Surrogate Mom, aunt, friend, confidant and every other role that needs to be filled. Come to think of it, in soccer terms Didi's play your attackers, midfield and defense.

My First Finer Thing

I love sports. I follow almost all sports.

In a way it reaffirms my masculinity. If I'm feeling a little too feminine, nothing beats watching a good game of American Football where you have a bunch of guys huddling up and then kicking ass. Sure, it may seem a little fruitty, but trust me if you get hit by a 280 pound man that can run 40 yards in under 5 secs and live to tell about it. Well, you know God exists and all that time spent in Church/Temple or/and Mosque sure paid off.

I guess I follow sports for two big reasons, the first one I already mentioned: it reaffirms my masculinity, a truly Manly Man will follow all Manly Man sports (Cricket is not such a sport, nor is chess. Golf only makes the cut because of Tiger Woods). The second reason is that it is a brilliant conversation starter (helps me get chicks!) Unfortunately, this doesn't quite work in India since most people follow cricket, and since we've established that cricket isn't a sport I simply do not follow it.

For all you women out there, if you want to pick up a guy at a bar? Trust me, read up on sports! Preferably the Manly ones these include Football, Soccer, Basketball, NASCAR/F1, Baseball (though its a borderline sport: the only thing that makes it a sport is all the steroid use and now that they are testing it's a matter of time before it's not a sport), Ice Hockey and Olympics when it comes around once in 4 years.

I for one love a woman that knows her sports. I had the biggest crush on a red head back in college cause she had an awesome Long Island accent along with the fact that she followed the Knicks. The fact that she was a potential HCHHSSTT had nothing to do with it.

Of course there are moments you want to avoid, such as the Champions League Final between Chelsea and Man Utd. led to a moment where I saw a colleague stand on a bar, strip of his shirt, wave it around like a mad man and shed a tear. You want to avoid moments like that. Trust me, you get scarred for life.

I believe every Manly Man has one team he commits himself to no matter what! It's like a marriage. You love the team and well you also hate them. For me it was the New York Knickerbockers (that's a kind of men's underwear). Like all marriages this love - hate relationship all started when my brother got me a pair of Nike Flights from the states which were worn by Allan Houston. They were uncomfortable as hell but damn they looked good. When I saw the buzzer beater Houston hit against the Miami Heat to take them into the NBA Finals, it was a done deal. I read up on their history, and trust me they have history.

We had a ton of great moments together, like the time we beat out the Heat in the 1999 finals and then the Heat again the next year.

Of course all good things come to an end and after numerous playoff defeats, some of them which left me crying and my brother questioning his love for the Knicks. They commited the biggest sports crime ever: they traded their Franchise Player Patrick Ewing. They made it worse by signing a bunch of players to bad contracts and finally hired Isiah Thomas.

This was about the time I started thinking maybe it was time for a divorce, maybe we had gone as far as we would go together. Maybe they needed new fan's and I needed a new team to support. Instead we went through a phase of 4 -5 years where we just existed.

In this time the Knicks kept making one bad decision upon another. All the while refusing to fire the man behind the team that became the joke of the NBA.

The man was sued for sexual harassment and they didn't fire him? In any other job a man sued for sexual harassment would've gotten lynched! Hell, the Americans impeached their president for having "sexual relationships"! But no the Knicks left this moron in charge. They even gave him a contract extension. I think it finally took the Commissioner of the NBA calling the owner and threatening him with a law suit that got him to fire Isiah Thomas.

Finally, with Thomas gone and a new person in charge, I feel we can work out our differences. After all we have a new coach, and hopefully soon we'll have a new Franchise player (Lebron James in 2010!).

Honestly, sports have made me cry (like a man!), made me deliriously happy and definitely made me jump 4 feet out of my seat. I also like to believe that it helped my brother and I bond and share a kinship that we may never have had.

I have to admit to something, I started following Formula 1 because of my brother, it gave me something to talk to him about (you try talking to a 16 year old when you are only 9!) I started to support Senna because of him and after he passed away (I cried that day). I started to support Schumacher because of him (I was 11 and man did that piss him off! Joy Joy!).

So to my brother, I say thank you for introducing me to one of the finer things in life.

My First Realization

Ok, so it dawned on me recently. "It" being something pretty interesting. There you are, out for dinner with this girl whom you are attracted to. Remember you aren't in love or crazy about her, but you are most definitely attracted to her. Let's be more specific and say she's an HCHHSSTT.
(Ground rules now set, we can move on)

Anyway after that first dinner, things go well and you start dating her. Bottom line you go through the motions of dating the girl when suddenly WHAM!

Two months into your relationship and she dumps you like a hot potato or if you prefer a sack of hot potatoes? Now obviously, there you are suffering from withdrawal symptoms, depending on how desperate you were when you started going out and when you got dumped.

Now I know a lot of you people will call this sour grapes, but it isn't. Essentially, after the above stated withdrawal symptoms pass, getting dumped opens up your eyes. You take a long good look at the HCHHSSTT and realise... Oh My God! She was the most needy irritating person ever (Note: I would like to take this moment to state that this works both ways. I'm just using a guys perspective).

My point is simple, isn't it amazing how we tend to ignore all the things about a person that would generally irritate the living shit out of you especially when you want to date them, or sleep with them, or even date and sleep with them.

By the way take this moment to reflect on all your past relationships and realise that most of the women you dated had some serious issues. I would also like to take this moment to state that most of your friends may have tried to warn you but you simply failed to listen to them. On another note if they didn't warn you, get new friends.

Bottom line: when you are interested in a person, it is amazing how much we forgive them for. I mean sometimes the "biggest" set of breasts can make you forget about how nasal the voice of the owner of those 36DD's is, or they can make you forget about the fact that she keeps cutting strips of your steak from your plate or finally and my personal favourite the simple fact that she refuses to let go of my goddamn hand!

I guess us men can always use the old standby "Not enough blood" because we all know our "Mini-me's" only see what they want to see.

But really all you women out there, whats your excuse?

My First Second Part of My First Two Parter

First of all for those of you who didn't see that title coming, well I have nothing to say.

Welcome to the second part of my first two parter... Yes! I had to say it again!

You know it's funny the other day I was talking to this friend of mine and he said something that shocked the stuffing out of me (if you've seen me, you'll know that's a lot of stuffing!). He actually had the gall to say getting too old for video games and comics.

Well, I don't understand how anybody can get too old for either of those things. It's not just men, its women too. If you've become too old to play a video game or a comic, well then personally take a look in the mirror cause you probably won't like what you see.

Personally I'd love to date a girl who was thirty, flirty, fun and into gaming and comics. I might even convince her to dress up as Princess Leia or hell Lara Croft! Dammit must focus on subject at hand!

I bet more than 80% of my readers are on Facebook and also spend at least 70% of their free time on Facebook. Now, tell me whats the difference between Facebook and World of Warcraft (WoW)? Almost none, in fact they run along the same concept. It's called Social Networking. The funny thing is today if you are a 30 year old on Facebook it makes you hip, cool and web savvy (Ha ha.. keep telling yourself that!). If you are a 30 year old on WoW, well shit you might as well hide that fact cause its worse than being gay.

It's the same thing with comic books, I mean do you realise that more than half of the comic books out there are a reflection of what is happening in our world already or what will happen if current events carry on the way they are? I mean hell, we have more Joker's in the world than Batman has in the comics. Unfortunately we have like zero Batman's, well side from my colleague who claims to be Batman and probably spends nights praying to the almighty one to make him Batman!

I'm sorry I know I'm coming of preachy but the fact is I love playing video games, I love reading comics. If that makes me come off as immature so be it! I believe comics and video games are my god given right, kinda like sex. Nothing beats an HCHHSSTT who loves comic books and plays WoW!

Yes, I play World of Warcraft, I read comic books (Up Up and Away!) and I like to have sex.

For all of you women out there that have Boyfriends that are into the above mentioned topics, all I can say is "Don't worry... be Happy!"

Welcome to my world.

P.s. On a completely unrelated note, I find it ammusing I had more comments on a nonsensical post "My First Arggggh" than on a post that actually had a little bit of meaning "My First Two Parter". I'm thinking I should really start antoganizing women if that is what will get me more readers!

My First Two Parter

Well, I guess the pressure is on now after My First Comeback to post something that will keep my ardent readers satisfied. It's fortunate that I have always worked better under pressure than when I'm stress free.

Now, I know most of you are probably expect me to follow up on "My First Arggghhh" post. I did give it deep thought and I realised it is not worth it. For those of you who are interested in what happened. Lets just say I flew smack dab into the goddamn Friendship Zone. On the plus side, I managed to quickly extricate myself by getting the girl to hate me. I believe women love to hate men and men love to be hated by women. I guess that is what makes the world tick.

I also thought about taking the time to post about the US Presidential Race. I decided against that when I realised there was a potential HCHHSSTT running for Vice President with McCain. Funny thing though, she's the Governor of Alaska. Did you even know Alaska had a Governor??? I always thought Alaska was only good for oil? Does this make her the first "Alaskan" to run for Vice Presidency? Also, does this mean that in 2012 we'll have two women running for President? Can we place bets on who wins in 2012 - the woman from Alaska, the light skinned Muslim African American from Hawaii or the White chick who wants to be African American and whose husband cheated on her more than once while in the Oval Office? I mean really who wouldn't want to bet on this? I think we should check if Vegas is getting the odds ready yet.

Let's face it the 2008 race is going to be won by the White man who has survived both Vietnam and Cancer. And if you didn't see this coming, well then shame on you!

Some how I just feel that the above two topics aren't worthy of dedicating an entire post too, so instead I've decided that I will speak about something of more importance. However, in the interest of having people come back to my blog I shall post the second part only tomorrow.

Tune in tomorrow for the next installment of "My First Two Parter", who knows it may even involve HCHHSSTT's!

My First Official Comeback

Well, it has definitely been a while and after speaking to numerous people (between 1 - 3), I have decided to announce my comeback.

Now what can you my ardent readers expect from this comeback? Well you'll get to read about the exciting events of my life such as watching WALL - E (Amazing movie by the way, I highly recommend it). You will also get my thoughts and insights into many subjects ranging from "The multiple uses of Chopsticks" to "Are Chopsticks the weapons of mass destruction that the Chinese are threatening the americans with?". And ofcourse every person's favourite topic "Are all HCHHSSTT's (Hot Chicks wearing High Heels Short Skirts and Tight Tops - For the sake of reference) lieing when they say 'OMG! You rocked my world!'?"

There is one catch however, unlike before I shall not be posting everyday. For once though, let us look at the silver lining. This would meanbetter quality posts with a sound social - economic message behind them.

So, to the few in attendance and the millions around the world in the words of the Immortal Michael Jordan "I'm back!".

My First ARGGGHHH!!!!

Women.. I swear to god they can really get my goat. A girl once told me she was "fond" of me! What the hell is "fond"? You can be fond of that soft toy you have! You can be fond of your favourite underwear! Hell.. but "fond" for a guy!

Then she say's she wants distance.. when you give them that, they get pissed. And its always your fault! WTF!

This is my most nonsensical post and you know why? Cause women are frigging nonsensical!

They make me go ARRGGGGGHH!!!!!

My First Thanks

You ever realise how irritating parents can get? Especially Mothers?

When you are sick, they will constantly call you and wake you up from the deepest sleep, only to ask how you are feeling (something they already have the answer to!), or when you take a day off from work they refuse to believe it is because you just wanted a day off, or finally when you are way younger and they think you are going to flunk a grade and actually make you study so you won't fail (I finished top 5 in my class! And that after all the pressure she put on me!).

I mean the stories are endless and the fact is whether you are 1, 4, 12, 18, 21, 25, 31, 60 or older they will be around to irritate you.

I know I said I had stopped blogging and I have, I just felt I had to come back and say a Final "Thanks" to my Mom for all the times she's irritated me and also for all the times she's gone and done something that made me realise its her god given right to be able to irritate me.

So to my Mommy, the first person I had a tattoo done for... Thanks.

My First Last Post

So I'm done. Last post. It was a good run. 50 odd posts.
To all those that stuck around, it was a fun run and thanks.

By the way... never did get famous or find that HCHHSSTT. Oh well such is life.

My First Lease

So, I'm supposed to be closing on my new apartment tomorrow. I should be experiencing a whole lot of emotions ranging from happiness, relief, excitement and maybe even fear (I'm scared of cockroaches!). Am I feeling these things? No, I'm not. What I'm feeling is more like fatigue and also disgust.

You see I've realised something - It is not easy getting an apartment in India. There are just way too many requirements most of which are a complete waste of time.

For example I will list of some of the requirements my Land Lord wants from me which by the way don't include the standard items like a deposit of Rs. 50000, along with two months brokerage and first month rent upfront (I'm giving a deposit and you want the first month rent upfront as well? Does this make sense!).

So the additional requirements are:

1) A letter of permanent employment from my company. I wonder what would've happened if I was self employed or if I was a rich kid with parents paying the rent?

2) Interestingly enough he also wanted a letter from my Mother or Father stating that they did not have a problem with me entering a lease agreement with him. Let's see I'm 25, supported my family for a while when I was 22 or 23 can't remember, and oh yeah lived alone in Bombay for the last year and half! Are you serious? A letter from my Mother? What is this Middle School?

3) Religion and Caste - blogged about this before, don't want to discuss it.

4) At one point, he didn't want to allow for an exit point in the lease agreement basically stating that I was stuck there for eleven months and didn't have a choice about it. Obviously, I told him in a firm manner that this was not going to happen and amazingly he relented. By the way I think this was the only thing he relented on.

So, those are a few of the additional requirements that he had. Did I mention these people are supposed to be educated? I guess in the future I'll just have to make sure I buy an apartment instead of renting one.

Like that will ever happen.

P.S. Too top it all off, not a single HCHHSSTT in the building.

My First HCHHSSTT

It's funny how women think that us Manly Men never remember our first girlfriends, or the first girl we kissed, or hell even the first girl we slept with (Or for you sensitive types out there, first girl we made "love" too!).

But, its not true truth be told, I'm pretty sure at least 90% of us Manly Men remember the first girl we kissed, dated or slept with. Sure, the girl may not have been a complete HCHHSSTT and because of that we may want to forget about them. Believe it or not, we don't.

You see it's a simple reason behind why we don't forget them. It's because us Manly Man draw all our confidence and our powers from the first time we did things. Sure we may tell you we don't remember it, in an effort to come off uncaring, cold and nonchalant (For the record this is done only by those Manly Men that suffer from a little bit of insecurity, however since they are Manly Men we chose to forgive them).

You see we remember our first times not because the girl was so awesome, not because it may have been an HCHHSSTT that was from beyond this world. No, we remember them because when we did all of our firsts we were so awesome at it that the women couldn't help but tell us. You see them telling us, that's the central being of our awesome Manly Man powers. It's because of the fact that the first girl we kissed absolutely swooned in our arm's for a couple of second after which she jumped on us begging for more, or the first girl we slept with couldn't stop mouthing the words "OMFG!" or even the first girl we dated couldn't help but spend the next three months trying to make us jealous.

Personally, I remember all three of my firsts and while the women weren't necessarily HCHHSSTT's, lets just say I hit all three balls out of the park.

My First Confession

OK, so I have a confession to make. However, this is nothing like "Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen". This is better!

So, there I was this weekend, company sponsored party with tons of free alcohol. Well, you can imagine what happened next. That's right I committed the cardinal sin. I cockblocked a fellow Manly Man. OK he wasn't exactly a Manly Man, but he was half a man and there he was hitting on a HCHHSSTT and instead of trying to help him, I cockblocked.

I'm not proud of it, and in all fairness I was cockblocked by a fellow Manly Man as well, especially one who would in his normal senses never do such a thing.

It occurs to me, that when you consume tons of alcohol, you really lose control of yourself. You give in to the dark side. This dark side is not good. I mean here I am the preacher of Wingmanness, and I let every body down by cockblocking.

Today, I make a vow never to again cockblock no matter how drunk I get. How you ask am I going to do this? Simple, If I ever cockblock I will make it up to the person by buying their drinks for the night. Since I am so cheap, I have a feeling that will stop me and if it doesn't well we'll have to come up with an alternative plan.

Cockblocking is evil and I am ashamed of myself. The HCHHSSTT was kinda worth it though.

My First Dated

Have you ever noticed how something you saw when you were a kid seemed a lot cooler at the time than now when you're all grown up?

I mean this has happened to me on multiple occasions. I always hoped there were things I would never be too old for. For example Cartoons and Chocolate Chip cookies. It's a scary thought when you contemplate all the things that you are too old for at the age of 40, 50 and 60.

Dammit there goes my Enfield when I'm 60!

I guess after everything is said and done, there will always be things you are too old for. Somethings especially get dated faster than others. When I was 14 and reading Archie Comics, I never thought I would get too old for them, now I look at them and can't read more than two pages before putting the book down in complete disbelief because of how naive some of the characters are. Dammit Veronica, just get into a three some already, Midge and Betty are waiting!

Even movies, have any of you watched the movie Rad? I always believed that movie to be awesome. When I watched it recently, I couldn't get past the first 5 mins. There is no plot, the acting is terrible and don't even get me started on the cheesy 80's bike tricks and music.

Hell, even HCHHSSTT's can get dated. You see a girl you think is hot when you are 14, and by the time you are 18 and old enough to make a move you realise how butt ugly she is.

In the end, I guess that's how it is. You grow up, you become more cynical, you lose the ability to enjoy things that once would've never had a problem keeping your attention. I just hope I never grow out of watching cartoon's, eating cereal and acting like a complete dork when I want too.

Too all the things that I can't take seriously in my life anymore (that would be you Archie comics) I just wanted to say, thank you for the good times, the bad times and everything in between.

My First Diss

Diss. So I googled the word, and believe it or not Google had completely irrelevant definitions of the word. Stunning! So what does it mean to get Dissed? It means somebody disrespected you.

There are ton's of way to disrespect some one. Sure you could spit on them, you could also call them names (This I'm really good at!) or you could even do something as subtle as question their judgement.

It's even worse when the person questioning your judgement is supposed to be a valued friend. I mean if that person is questioning your judgement, hell everybody and their mom is going to question it.

The funny part is I don't know if I should be disappointed? or Angry? I guess it's a combination of both.

Let me tell you, its easier to recover from a HCHHSSTT rejecting you than from a good friend questioning your very judgement and on many levels your ability to make decisions.

Oh well, I guess just the way you bounce back from an HCHHSSTT turning you down, you recover from this and you hope to hell the friend doesn't do it again. Once is forgivable, twice is just not cool.

My First Suprise

Well, its been pretty well documented that I'm still hunting for an apartment. It's also been pretty well documented that I haven't found said apartment. I even believe the fact that I might be homeless in under two weeks has been pretty well documented. Fear not, I shall keep blogging.

So any way's I finally saw a place today which had potential. Definitely a place I would be interested in inhabiting. So obviously I told the broker as such and asked her to call me back with final figures.

Being the good broker that she is (A broker in India is only as good as they are greedy for money), she promptly called me and asked me a two very important questions:

1) Are you a bachelor? Or Family?

2) What is your caste?

No, I didn't start laughing... instead I took a deep breath and tried to answer those questions.

Yes, I am a bachelor and it's not entirely out of choice. Trust me I want to be a "Family". I even love the song "We are Family!". When I told her I was a bachelor she promptly asked: Will your mother ever come and visit? To which I replied "Yeah sure, maybe for a couple of days". In my mind I was thinking (Over my dead body! No disrespect Mom, I love you! But I don't think I want you to come to my 1 bedroom apartment in the middle of nowhere where I plan on practicing multiple acts of debauchery!).

The second question was even funnier. Believe it or not, I actually do know my caste. I take great pride in the fact that I am not a Brahman. Instead I'm an awesomely cool Kshatriya (OK, screwed up the spelling... been a while). Kshatriya's are the warrior class and yes we get all the HCHHSSTT's. However, I didn't feel like answering her question and instead said "What caste? I don't know!" To which she asked me are you a Muslim? Now, I know all these questions and answers are probably boring you. But trust me I'm coming to the point. The point is, how the hell does it matter what religion I am when I'm looking for an apartment?

I mean if this is how supposedly educated people behave, it kinda makes you realise that all those little kids that join the Al Quaeda don't really stand a chance do they? I mean we live in a secular country and we refuse to rent out apartments to bachelors and better yet Muslims. Since when did religion dictate the availability of an apartment? I mean I am so taken back and so disappointed that I can't even joke about it. I'm sorry to say but it's times like this that really make me ashamed to be an Indian.

Sure a bunch of redneck's may not vote for a black man to be president, but at least they won't stop the black man from living in their apartments. They will just make sure they double the rent. I'll take that over the religion criteria any day.

Oh and for the record I'm supposed to be a Hindu, but how does it matter... at this rate I think we're all going to hell.

My First Miss

OK, So I missed a post for today. Honestly, I have no excuse... I guess I just got caught up with work (ha ha ha.. work! I still can't say that with a straight face!) or it could've been that I had nothing to post about again so I decided to create work so that I wouldn't have to post.

Unfortunately, I felt guilty about it and am posting now. Technically, all my US based readers (Yes, I have a few... I think) are still 6 hours behind and hence it counts as yesterday or rather today. Depends on how you want to look at it.

So, here's hoping I don't sound too corny and stupid but I just wanted to say "I love the fact that I have some very cool friends and a really cool brother". I would name them but really the list would be embarrassingly small and I don't think I can deal with that kind of humiliation. Also, I don't want to list my brother here by name because personally I don't think he's completely worthy of being named. Especially since he dropped me from 1st to 6th on his fave sibling list just because I didn't buy him a birthday present and just because I don't call him ever and just because I don't make funny video's like his new #1 sibling. Wow, talk about a running sentence.

Any way's my point is it's awesome having good friends especially when some offer you a place to stay when you have no place to stay. And it's awesome sharing a first drink with a friend... he can't drink cause he actually cares about his health unlike myself. Or finally when you meet the younger brother of your best friend and you realise he's grown into a really cool dude.

I guess it all matter's. Even that brother who drops you to 6th in his sibling list but still makes the effort to call you every three days to check if you have an apartment. Still if it were up to me I'd love to drop a piano on his head the way I would for my sister, but it would be a much bigger piano.

My First Nonsensical Post

So, OK this isn't really my first bad week, but its damn well been a pretty bad week.

First, I have to find an apartment in the next week or I'm going to be homeless. Second, I'm supposed to take more initiative at work to come up with task's for me to do. That's not happening because let's just say I enjoy sitting on my ass doing nothing a little too much. Third I haven't gotten laid all week... OK I haven't gotten laid a lot longer than that, but you get my point.

Now, what does one do to make their week better? Me, I'd try drinking except I'm broke. I could try picking up chick's but again I'm broke and judging my recent track record I'd have to have a couple of million. I could always buy something to cheer me up, but wait did I mention I'm broke?

Now, sure maybe I got a little carried away and spent too much money on certain item's that really do bring a smile to my face, but that's besides the point. I hate to say it, but either I get a raise or its time to work out a new system where we don't need to use money.

Personally I'm good with trying either of the methods. I mean a raise would really be handy, except that I have a bad feeling I'm about to enter a new tax bracket and get my ass handed to me on taxes (This is what happens when you don't invest!). Since that is not going to work. I think we should come up with a new method where we don't need to use money. Sure we could try some kind of barter system but we've already decided that's doesn't quite work. Plus I have no services to offer.

So how about a system where we magically get everything given to us and don't have to do anything. I think such a system could easily be created. Just read Harry Potter! They could conjure up anything. I guess its time to conjure up an ... wait for it... wait for it... HCHHSSTT!

Yep, My first nonsensical post where I have absolutely nothing of value to say. Good times!

Did I mention a colleague and I are planning on modifying our Enfield bikes to work on water because the price of gas just went up again. That's right! Water!

My First Sport

I love sport's, I really do. In the worst of situations sport's makes for an awesome ice breaker. Now, keep in mind I don't love all sports. Certain sports like Golf and Cricket if it were upto me would not be considered sports.

Now, Basketball is an amazing sport. It's something I follow religiously. It's fast, its exciting and the cheerleaders are hot as hell. Sure, the cheerleaders maybe a notch below the NFL, but still almost as good.

But I guess we have to ask the question: What is it about sport's that makes sane men go crazy?

I mean there I was watching the 2000 NBA playoffs and the Knicks were struggling to get to the finals and every second they had me on the edge and breaking a sweat. I think I was under more pressure then than the first time I had sex!

I still remember the time Ayrton Senna died and I actually shed a tear. I even remember what I was doing when the Lakers came back from being down 15 points in the last 7 mins to beat the Trailblazers for their chance at winning the NBA finals in 2000. They then went on to win the NBA Championship three years running. That was just torture. Hell, how can any of us even forget the shot taken by Jordan in his last finals against the Utah Jazz?

The point is sports play a vital role in the life of all men and sometimes we have to wonder why? Is it the Cheerleaders? I mean it's just as easy to watch women that are just as hot in some porno and best part is they are naked. So it can't be that. It could be the fact that everybody wants to be like Mike? Can't argue with this one. It could just be that what man wouldn't want to make a living by playing our favourite sport? I mean those of us that can't play a sport, try to write about it or just watch it and then bitch and moan when our favourite teams get the shit beaten out of them.

But, when they win... it's like nothing can go wrong. Sure we didn't personally get anything out of it, but our favourite sports team did. I recently had a friend strip off his shirt, wave it around like a crazy person and shed tears when his Man Utd. beat Chelsea for the UEFA Champions Cup. While he was doing this, the only thing running through my mind was "He is so going to regret this tomorrow when I make fun of him!" and "I wonder if he would trade this moment to get laid?"

My point is, sports make us do crazy things, behave in crazy ways. Sometimes its worth it. Sometimes you just wish you could walk away. Cause sometimes the heartbreak is worse than when that HCHHSSTT at the bar turns you down for the tenth time in one night.

My First Man Post

So, I'm sitting next to a friend who wants me to discuss something on my post. Apparently she claims I spend way too much time discussing HCHHSSTT's and other "Inane" topics. Personally I don't agree with her point of view but I figured since she's a friend I'll do her a favor and discuss whatever it is she wants me to discuss. I guess we'll be leaving the "Stalker" post I had all prepared for another day.

So today's post is going to be about how women find men "convenient". The first thing I did is get clarification on what she means by convenient: apparently it means that men are always thinking that women are mad, always at fault, and that men do whatever pleases them, when it pleases them.

Now after analysing this argument from her, I've basically realised that I was wrong and that maybe somewhere she had a point.

We do think women are mad and are insane and are almost always at fault. I mean let's see women say "No!" when they mean "Yes!" and vice versa. They expect us to guess their multiple mood swings and we're also supposed to know the answer to the question "Do these jeans make my ass look big?" and "Do you really love me?". I mean come on! Really??? Now, that doesn't mean we won't put up with it! We'll deal with the insanity, I mean after all there are varying degree's of insanity and us Manly Men have nothing but love for all the women out there and personally if dealing with the insanity gets me laid again sometime this decade, well then so be it!

Now on another note do we always do things when it suits us? Yes, we do. I won't lie. We're selfish creatures and we love ourselves a lot. Enough so that we don't have to deal with self confidence issues the way all women do (Example of how ALL women suffer from self confidence issues: I told a model this weekend how stunning she looked, her response was "Don't say things you don't mean". This from a super hot model I would give my left and right nuts to date. Oh! And she was serious when she said that!). This inadvertently makes us do whatever we want when we want. This is how the booty call came around, lets face it we wanted sex at 3 am cause we couldn't sleep because we were suffering from our daily bout of rampant horniness and called the first girl we could think off. Wham! Booty call!

So, yes I totally see where this girl is coming from and I feel for her pain, cause after all for her to be calling us men convenient it must mean that one of us men did something which was probably very inconvenient for her. It's not easy being a girl I understand that, but really don't you women bring a lot of this on yourselves? After all you are the ones that answered that 3 am Booty call.

My First Non Debate

There I was, at a loss! Completely at a loss! I had no topic for today's post and frankly after yesterdays ho-hum post I needed a winner. I think for the first time in my life I felt like how the New York Times sports editor must've felt like after the Knicks failed to make the playoffs for the millionth time in a row.

But then it hit me, the way the New York Times sports editor ran right into the Superbowl and the Giants winning it. I ran into the most awesome column topic. In fact its such an awesome topic it's a non debate!

What is it? Drum roll please..... Ta da! 10 reason's why its better to be a Manly Man then a woman. I know this is a controversial topic and will raise many a hackle. Really though when you think about it, it's a non starter. Us Manly Men win from the get go.

The Reasons are:

1) We live in a male dominated society and get to do what we want. We also know how to use video recorders (Or in this day and age TIVO!) and don't need to look up instruction manuals for most electronic items.

2) We can have all the sex we want and never have to worry about getting labelled a slut.

3) We get to stare at all the HCHHSSTT's out there and not feel guilty about it.

4) We get to make completely stupid decisions in our relationships and then blame it on God by saying "God gave us a brain and a penis... but only enough blood to run one at a time!"

5) We can spend all day laying on the couch, eating chips, drinking beer, watching sports and never have to worry about looking fat in our jeans.

6) Did I mention we get to have all the sex that we want and never have to worry about getting labelled a slut? If I did... Did I also mention that we never have to fear about getting pregnant?

7) It takes us 5 mins to get ready for work, which means we get that much more sleep everyday than the average women.

8) We do half the work that women do and get paid twice as much for it as they do.

9) We don't have to shave our arms, legs, underarms, and nether regions. If we do shave our nether regions its a major bonus. But, we aren't required too.

10) Finally and probably one of the most reasons Manly Men have it better than women is that we get to Pee standing up! This is turn allows us to write our names in the most awesome of places with our Pee and that's just one activity!

I mean after that, is there any doubt how good we have it? Now, this is only if you are a Manly Man. If you are half a Man, well then you get some of the perks but not all. Either way it's still a stunning advantage and I for one would not have it any other way.

My First Meeting

I love meeting's. They generally mean getting to sit with groups of people and discuss matters completely unrelated to life or death. Now that's always fun!

Yep, meetings can always be fun. Whether they are with a group of work colleagues, or meeting friends for a beer or meeting up with an HCHHSSTT over a toasty meal and an unlimited supply of wine - my personal favourite and it just doesn't happen enough!

The problem with meetings are when you sit with a group of people and not one of you has a common idea, or even the inclination to listen to each other let alone actually accept what the other has to say.

Wait... Did I say problem? I meant let the fun begin! Imagine a meeting where everybody is speaking at once, about matters completely unrelated to each other. You have one person elaborating the same retarded plan over and over in an attempt to disguise his stupidity. You have another person saying something completely unrelated to the topic and completely failing to disguise his stupidity. You also have a person who makes a little bit of sense but completely fails to make his point and hence refuses to accept other peoples points. Finally you have a lone voice of reason that is drowned out and in the end appears most nonsensical because well it makes that much sense.

So what do you do at a point like this? Well the smart thing is to adjourn knowing that nothing will be resolved. The smarter thing yet is to just be a Manly Man and make a decision (if you have the power!) and the smartest thing yet is to sit back and enjoy the show.

My First Calling Out

I'm back! That's right... My Cold has almost left my system (God! I didn't mean to jinx it!) and apart from the slightest bit of parched throat that can be inconvenient when in the mood to make out, life is a lot better.

So, what am I going to voice out today to all my ardent readers out there? It's simple. This is a post dedicated to a person. Actually, it is kinda dedicated to a lot of people out there. A lot of the same kind of people. I know your question is What kind of people?

Well, the kind of people that always make up excuses. You see its those people that say one thing and then when the right opportunity presents itself they run away. I'm not quite sure what you call these people as it's pretty apparent from my post's grammar and language are not my strong point. Having said that lets just call them insecure.

I mean it really bothers me to see people constantly crying out about their lack of opportunities or all the injustices that happen to them when in reality they are too blame for it. I've never really blasted a race or religion on my blog post before, but today that is going to change. Now, before I blast them I want you to understand that the race I'm about to blast is the same one I'm a part of (So technically, It is Politically Correct!).

That said Indian people are just way too insecure for their own good.

Whether its at work where everybody is so insecure with what they offer a company that they hate anybody new that joins, or it's the dude at the bar sitting with an HCHHSSTT who he's good friends with and never going to sleep with cock blocking you, or its that girl who claims to want to get a new special someone in her life but doesn't have the guts to go out and meet new people. The worst part is, they actually make excuses for themselves and think this is normal.

Let me tell you people, its not normal. Get with the program nobody is perfect, nobody is infallible, and nobody is going to go through life constantly having his way (Hell, even Michael Jordan has problems and Jesus Christ did get crucified!). My point is, if you can learn to accept your inadequacies and learn to be less insecure about them. You might just end up a couple of steps in front instead of always on the same spot.

My First Bad Day

Well, I hate today. Its not because I haven't met any HCHHSSTT's, nor is it because I'm planning to NOT drink tonight. Hell, its not even because I have to find a new apartment within the next 2 weeks or risk being stuck on the road with a PS3 and no air conditioning.

No, it's because I can't stop myself from falling asleep at my desk. No matter what I'm looking at I keep falling asleep! Have you ever had that happen to you? I've tried doing everything from drinking coffee to having my eyelids taped to keep them awake. None of it is working.

As I type this page I can feel my eyes just shutting. Personally I wish I could blame my tiredness on the fact that I spent all last night with a couple of HCHHSSTT's and they refused to let me sleep.

I guess the bottom line is "My Bad" I cannot stay awake. You remember those old Tom and Jerry cartoon's, now I know what Tom felt like and man do I sympathize with him.

You are probably curious if it's because my Job is that boring, and Yes, while it is that boring. Its sufficiently challenging and keeps me awake. Today, everytime I've looked at this all important XLS on my screen I've felt my eye lids shut. The worst part about falling asleep at work when you have a cold is that you end up snoring really loudly, whether you like it or not.

I guess it's really just one of those day's.