Honestly?

I wonder if we'll ever get to a day where we can just say what we want and be honest about who we are? Seriously, don't any of you ever get tired of always portraying an image which isn't entirely you?

Sure, we all have a little bit of crazy in us and sometimes exposing people to that craziness all at once can be a little much. Ideally the craziness needs to be doled out little by little, I get that.

However, that doesn't happen and instead we create an image completely different from who we are and it becomes such an effort to keep it going. Eventually, we just isolate ourselves from people because let's face it the image is too much effort and its easier to just not meet people. This is a shame, because I'm sure that if most of us were just ourselves, we would be a lot happier.

I've decided to shatter whatever image people may have of me by writing down ten truth's about me. I just hope, somewhere it makes all of you my avid readers realise that while people can't handle the truth, it would probably make you happier.

Note: This is going to be a countdown by the way, and the order is organised by importance (from lower importance to higher importance):

10) I'm a selfish person - Sure, I care very much about my friends and my family. However, I am selfish and always end up doing what I feel is best for me. Unfortunately, in the end it doesn't always turn out to be best for me. For the record my most selfish act was leaving New York to come to Bombay to "finally do something I wanted to do". Man, did the man above really get me on that one. He's got a wicked sense of irony.

9) Hopeless Romantic - Nuff said.

8) I cannot have sex without foreplay - Yep, I can't do a Wham! Bam! Thank You Ma'am! I'm the kind of guy that needs to have a build up. Like any good high rise, if the foundation isn't strong, it just will not rise. If this is too much information for you, you may want to stop reading.

7) I'm addicted to porn - Yeah, hate to say this but I think I'm addicted to porn. However, in my defense I'd say that at least 50% of the world's population is addicted to porn. Also, imagine all the knowledge I have stored! (Sigh, OK this one is bad and I know it)

6) I have no idea what I want to do for a living - This is not so much a secret, but still it needed to be written. Sure, I'd love to play in the NBA but I don't think they are looking for a guy with limited vision, average to bad ball handling skills, shot challenged, vertically and athletically inferior. Stand up comedian would be good as well, except I don't think my ego could take the constant booing.

5) I'm a "Mamma's / Didi's" Boy - Yep, I am. If I ever meet a girl that my Mom or Didi don't approve off. I'm not sure what I'd do. Also, I would want to end up living next to them in the future. Of course this is because I can then go over and grab dinner and supplies for my own house whenever I need. Also, if I ever have kid's I'll have two awesome baby sitters and it'll be free. Think of the savings! (I've already admitted to being cheap in a previous post!).

4) Completely inept at dating - I'm never sure if a girl likes me, can never tell. Don't know how to tell them either. A lot of time's I end up like Godzilla just breaking down building after building and hoping to hell that it pays off. Have I ever mentioned the times when I was pining after a girl who was engaged or that time I kept messaging this girl thinking she may like me, only to realise that I was being delusional. I'm so awkward with women now, that I'm never sure when a hug is a just a hug and when a kiss is just a kiss and not more.

3) Fear of Divorce - So, my family is rampant with divorce. My mother and my father's side. In fact I could probably write a book about it and it would be a best seller. The fact is though, that isn't good for a kid.

I know a couple of girls that are reasonably close to me and well their parents got divorced and now they just abhor the thought of marriage cause they believe it will happen to them. The sad part is both of them are great girls, that any guy would be crazy to run out on.

Well I'd like to tell them what I tell myself - "I am not my mother or my father. I may have their genes, but I am not them - and I will learn from their mistakes and mine"

Besides, I'm definitely using this fear to make sure I don't end up settling for the first girl that dates me for more than 1 month. Hopefully, this results in me getting married to an HCHHSSTT! (I'm trying to think positively. Work with me now!)

2) I suffer from an inferiority complex - Wow. This one is hard to discuss. Oh well, so I do suffer from a weight problem. Don't get me wrong, I love being large. Nobody ever messes with the big white guy with a scowl on his face (except for the big black guy with a scowl on his face - this may sound racist, but unfortunately it's true). But let's be honest in this world today, women seem to love the six pack over the keg. Oh well! That may play a small part in it. The rest would have to be with the fact that I constantly seem to fail to get to where I want to be in life.

A large reason I portray myself as arrogant, unapproachable and uncaring is because I don't want people to see a chink in the armor. It also doesn't help that I've had two of my girlfriends cheat on me. On the flip side, I've also hooked up with women that have had boyfriends of their own. I'm not proud of it! But hey, I need something to make me feel better right now. This ain't easy!

I guess my attempt at humor is another self defense mechanism - Like Chandler (Yes, I just used a Friends reference. Sue me!) I use humor as a defense mechanism, especially when nervous. Trust me, the first time I had sex is the biggest example of my inferiority complex and my goddamn defense mechanism kicking in.

and Finally...

1) I don't want to be alone - This is the biggest one. I don't want to live and die alone. That would be the worst thing ever.

I gave you the truth, can you handle it?