Rules of Engagement

I like to believe that I lead my life by a set of rules. Sometimes, the rules work in my favor and sometimes they don't. However, the rules do lead to a certain balance in my life. Wasn't the whole point of Buddhism to lead a life of balance?

Well, I figured I would list down some rules that I believe in and try follow as diligently as possible.

So here you go, my rules for you:

1) You should never get drunk around women that want to sleep with you but whom you want to avoid like the plague. It never bodes well for you. The resulting "lack of self esteem" leads to a heightened chance of committing suicide. Additionally, they aren't forgiving nor do they understand the concept of "It's was a mistake!"

2) Remember that "Beer Goggles" come with a price, it is in your best interest to stay sober when in a compromising situation. Trust me, you do not want to be caught making out with an Irish man's not so HCHHSSTT girlfriend. They are a violent people. Well, unless you have a death wish!

3) Do not ever offer to drop any women home when they are drinking at your place or even a friends place. The resulting irritation is not worth it and will lead to you losing 10 years of your projected life span. I predict that some of the people I know will be deceased by the year 2030.

4) Do not date Indian women, the drama is not worth it, unless she is a 10 on the HCHHSSTT scale. How do you know if she's a 10 on the scale? Trust me, you just know! This is for the same reason as stated in the above point. The 10 on the HCHHSSTT scale is worth it because the resulting loss of 10 years of your life is a fair trade.

5) When people try to emotionally bribe you, do not pay attention to them. It only result's in you doing things you know that will get you in trouble. I could expand on this, but a description of the event at mind is just a little too embarrassing. Let's just say that sometimes "it's just not worth it!". The emotional turmoil leads to less stress, than the resulting task!

6) Do not under any circumstance go to the airport after 6 PM in the evening, no matter who it is that is visiting you. Also avoid going to the airport before 10 AM. Airports are not happy places! Contrary to popular opinion, you do not pick up women at airports.

7) Avoid dating HCHHSSTT's at work. If you need an explanation, you are already in trouble. Nuff said!

8) Regardless to what doctors and specialists of all kinds say. It is vital you spend at least 1 weekend a binge month drinking with friends. The resulting idiocracy ensures you stay young for years to come.

9) While this is cliched and repeated. It is very very important, make a point to eat the following meats as much as possible: Beef, Pork, Mutton (goat meat) and lamb! You live once, eat what you can! Gluttony may not be appreciated, but it's better than starving yourself on grass! And No! I am not referring to the kind you smoke up.

Well those are just a few of my important rules to follow. Sure, you can always add exercise, diet, not smoking, etc. But really what does that do for you?

These are my rules, they keep me balanced and I predict I'll live on till the ripe age of 35! Join the movement! Zaevism is here to stay!