My First Game

I've been accused of playing games. Apparently people think that I play games with other people. I pull their heart strings and twirl them around. That is a lie.

OK, true I do torture people psychologically but thats because those people deserve to be tortured. For instance my brother, I love him deeply, but lets face it after 16 years of physically torturing me, I'm just starting to get some payback. Most other times I believe I am a very nice person and could even get testimonials from people to prove it. I don't even enjoy games... well except for Strip Poker and the PS3 but thats different.

The point is, most Manly Men don't like playing games. We believe in getting the girl without having to play games where we act all mysterious and chase the woman and basically make fools of ourselves. I like to think of us more as cavemen... we take what we want and we aren't shy about it.

The point is, if I give an HCHHSSTT my number or vice versa I expect a call or I will call her, but I will not play games about it. I know... I know... All women love the chase, they love knowing how important they are to men. They like to feel special and hey you can't blame women for wanting to feel special, even Manly Men have rare moments where they want to feel special. But let me just warn all you women out there, the chase tires us Manly Men to the point that when we finally get the girl, we're already too tired and bored to do anything and more than likely will sleep with you and then dump you. Its the way of the world and I have nothing to do with it.

My point is games are for kids, lets leave it to them. For the record just cause I don't like chasing women doesn't mean I'm not a Romantic.

My First Max

OK I won't lie, I got a new credit card and I did the most normal thing with it.

That's right I maxed it out.

Now, before most of you guys start laughing and saying derogatory things about me, I'd like you all to realise that every use of the card was well thought out and planned. In fact, I would go as far as to say that I planned it better than the Invasion of Normandy.

Now, most of you all are thinking that I probably used it on some HCHHSSTT's, but the fact of the matter is that I am not completely irresponsible. I used it for things that are way more important.

What kind of things you ask? Well unfortunately I am not at liberty to disclose that information. I just wanted to let you all know that I maxed out my credit card making wise decisions.

Anyways, the reason I am writing about this is because I want to figure out what it was that possessed me to max out this credit card. I mean was it because of "Need"? or was it because of "Want"? Man, it could also have been that I was possessed by Britnet Spears and made to max out my credit card? (and No, it wasn't female lingerie... we all know Britnet goes commando!) Finally, it could just be because I inherited my respective parents gene's and they both happen to be spend thrifts.

Quick Note: Now Mom and Dad if you are reading this, please don't get upset. This is how it is, personally I'd rather have spend thrifts for parents then a bunch of cheap people who didn't ever buy me anything awesome for my various birthdays. Thanks for that Aiwa system Mom and Dad thanks for the Enfield down payment.. see I appreciate you guys!

So I guess, it would come down to either "Need" or "Want", but really whats the difference I needed and wanted everything I bought. Isn't it awesome? and best of all I get to blame it on my gene's.

Life is good, God please don't take it all away from me.

My First bit of Wishful Thinking

OK first off I know its a long title, couldn't be helped. Secondly its not as bad as you think.

Its hard having women for friends, cause no matter how hard you try you almost always end up thinking about them sexually especially at the most inconvenient situations and this has the potential to lead to some really weird situations. Most of the time though its under control, at least we hope it is.

The problem arises when you meet a girl who you've known since she was a kid. This is where it gets hard and I'll explain why.

So there you are growing up with this girl who is a lot younger than you, lets say about 4- 7 years younger than you. Now, when you are growing up you don't have any dirty thoughts in your head,all you can think about are 101 different ways to make this girl's life miserable simply because you can (Yes, I was and am a bully... can't be helped its a character flaw!). In a way she's sorta like that sister you never had or in my case the sister you had but couldn't torment (not out of any fault of mine).

Now, fast forward 10 years to the future, the girl just turned 21 and you are about 26. This is where it gets tricky, cause now when you meet this girl she's all grown up and is literally an HCHHSSTT. So what do you do?

Well... I have no clue! There I was all confused, I didn't know whether to be all brotherly or whether to screw it all and just be lecherous and make a move.

The problem is, its a confusing situation for any guy, none of us guys know what to do! I mean the right thing to do is be all brotherly, but then again the right thing to do is to get the HCHHSSTT.

All those porn movies "Naughty America - My Best friends Sister", they all lie. Its never as easy as they make it out to be.

I guess in the end, you just hope the evening passes by really fast and you next time you see her, she no longer an HCHHSSTT or you happen to be dating a girl who is an Hotter HCHHSSTT.

Pfft... Wishful Thinking.

My First Admission

No, this is not about the time I was accepted into primary school and was ecstatic about it, or the time that one time when I first got into a strip club and didn't have to pay my way in.

This is basically me admitting to all my ardent readers out there why I blog. I mean sure there are tons of make belief reasons. It could be cause its a way for me to vent out my frustrations, its a nice way to air out my beliefs to the world. Maybe this was my way to let my family know that I do have some talent, deep down hidden talent... very very deep down.

I guess I could take the easy way out and say that "Yes" those are all the reasons why I write my blog, but the fact is I'd be lying to myself and more importantly YOU (Imagine a poster of Uncle Sam pointing at you!).

No, the three primary reasons behind me writing this blog are simple and in my opinion trumps all the above reasons, it may not be as awesome or as heart warming, but at least its the truth.

I write this blog in the hopes that one day somebody famous and powerful comes across it and realises my true potential as a writer of sorts, hell I'll even take a journalist job. I mean don't get me wrong I'm not fanatical about writing and I think all my grammatical and spelling mistakes have already shown all of you that, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't love being a journalist (specifically sports section!) or even a writer in Hollywood (that's a stretch but its a possibility!).

The second reason is basically an attempt at finding true love, that's right I yearn for the opportunity to find an HCHHSSTT through my blog. I can picture it now, a scantily clad woman surfing the net, comes across my blog and finds my topics riveting and she promptly decides to email me with pictures of her scantily clad. Now, most people will say this is a long shot, but fact is its a whole lot better than online dating. At least here I'm not making a blatant attempt at getting women! (OK, Now I am!)

The third and final reason is I hope to gain so much notoriety that my blog becomes so famous that I can finally have ads displayed all over it and make money from them, thereby becoming the next millionaire blogger! (This is also reaching, but possible!)

There you go, those are the reasons behind my logging in every day and writing about things that matter! Things that truly hit home! Things that nobody has the guts to write or talk about.
If you find this hard to believe, well then in the words of the Immortal Col. Nathan R. Jessep "You can't handle the truth!"

My First Selfish Post

You know I will be the first person to admit "I am Selfish!". Damn right I am selfish. If I wasn't selfish, then I believe that every tom, dick and harry is going to take advantage of me. If I wasn't selfish I'd find myself sharing all my food with other people and probably a few pounds lighter because of it. If I wasn't selfish then I wouldn't be out chasing HCHHSSTT's instead I'd be settling for any girl that came along. Oh hell if I wasn't selfish, I would never have left New York for Bombay... dammit!

The point of all the above self deprecation is simple, everybody is selfish to a certain extent. Some people are just more selfless than others and occasionally you get a few people that are more selfish.

Now, I'm generally proud of most of my selfish friends and family. I applaud their selfishism (I just created a new word) with great pride, but every once in a while when somebody does something that is stupidly selfish it just really upsets me.

I don't normally like to rant and rave, but since this is my Blog and I'm allowed to bitch all I want. I just wanted to take this opportunity to bitch against all those stupidyly (another new word, thats two in one post!) selfish people. Frankly all of you are giving the rest of us "normal" people a really bad name. I mean
come on, take a look in the mirror and grow up. Its not always about you. Sometimes its about the other people that fortunately for you, have surrounded you and given you the benefit of the doubt.

I'm not one to preach but to certain people with weird names that are stupidly selfish I say "Grow the fuck up you stupid bitch!" Now, please forgive me for my language it couldn't be helped.

Now I promise to post less with anger and rage and more with humor and gayness.

My First Semi Pseudo Secret

I'll let you guys into a little secret, every night before I go to bed I say a little prayer where I ask the Man above to make sure I don't have any dreams. But, honestly I love dreams, personally they make my day. Nothing beats an awesome dream. Its like your very own movie running through your head. I guess that prayer hasn't changed simply because I haven't updated my prayer, but I digress. Back to the matter at hand.

I mean there you are in your dream where all of a sudden you are Superman, granted you can't fly very high (cause maybe your sub conscious realizes that you are slightly big boned!), or there was this one time where I was driving a car jumped a massive hill and basically flew up in the air our of the car seat.. only to see the car land below and me about to land somewhere on the seat.

The funny part about dreams are, even the nightmares can be pretty cool. My most favourite nightmare was when I was being chased through my school halls by this random dude, and he was out to stab me. So there I was panicking! What should I do? Well, I let him stab me and pretended I was dead, only to get up and walk away once he was done! It was awesome! There are some nightmares that really piss you off, the one time I kept dreaming of spiders cause I watched some stupid movie named Eight Legged Freaks that only had spiders in it. Well lets just say I got so bored of the nightmare I couldn't get any sleep.

Finally, I come to my favourite dreams, that's right the explicit ones. Now, don't get all shy and lie to everybody saying you never have one. Everybody has these, its the way of the world. My most favourite one was me hooking up with 3 HCHHSSTT's at the same time! In some ways it was a nightmare because I didn't think I could live up to the pressure.

I guess the only bad thing about dreams are that you have to wake up from them, but damned they leave you smiling. Even the really weird ones... but that's another story.

My First Brownie

First, I'd like to apologize for the fact that I have been unable to blog for the last two days. Fact is I was sick at home and also I refused to leave my new PS3 alone at home. So, I killed two birds with one stone. I know all you avid readers missed me, so I've decided to make it up to all of you, my awesomely avid readers.

So, I'm going to talk about something that will stun people, simply because they don't realise it exists. I am going to talk about the Brownie System. Some of you will probably stop reading at this point and think that I'm talking out of my ass (if you don't stop now, you may be inclined to stop later. I implore you to keep reading till the end). For those of you that continue, the Brownie System is simple, it's the basis of all relationships.

The Brownie System works on the basis that all men will screw up in a relationship, especially us Manly Men. Let's face it, all that Manliness leads to us getting cocky (hehe!) and hence we say and make stupid mistakes. Cheating on a girl by the way and then getting caught is not a Manly Man mistake. Those are made by pussy men. However, I digress. I shall discuss this in detail in another post.

Anyways, the point is we know we're going to screw up, so in an effort to minimise the damage we do things. Things that are special. Things that are cliche. For instance, a buddy of mine was going to spend the day alone with his girlfriend in his house (parents out of town!) and so he decided to play the guitar for her and sing her a song. Let me tell you, that alone was worth 10 Brownie Points (Takes 100 Brownie Points to bring a girlfriend's anger down by one level). 10 Brownie Points are a lot in case you were wondering. Another friend of mine took a day off and spent it taking care of his sick girlfriend. Even I use the Brownie Point system, I would SMS my former ex-girlfriends sweet nothings that would leave their hearts a-flutter.

Now, the thing is the Brownie Point system can also be used for other things instead of just getting you out of trouble. You can trade it for favors, such as laundry, cooking or, my personal favourite, naked pictures.

The blessed part of the Brownie Point system is that you never lose the points, the rewards are great and they can be refunded when you break up by having break up sex. And if more credit card companies and airlines used the Brownie Point system instead of their current Miles system, they would see a mass increase in revenue.

The Brownie System is, in one word, Awesome.

Disclaimer: Brownie can be used on HCHHSSTT's but is not as effective as on regular girlfriends.