Where did the women go?

Those that follow me on either Twitter (@zaevdutt) or Facebook (www.facebook.com/zaevdutt) will immediately come to the conclusion that they know what this post is about after reading the heading.

They're going to say "Uh Oh! Here we go again. He's going to post about how there aren't enough good single women around!". Well you're in for a surprise. 

While I could post about that and make it interesting, while keeping in mind that it is true. I shall refrain from doing so.

You see my last post pretty much answers that question. Like I said, all the interesting women are taken at a young age by men who are easily old enough to be their Uncles. There isn't much that can be done about that. We can talk about how guys like me drive away potential single women by getting them upset while innocently asking questions like "How many men have you slept with?", but that would just be digressing.

On a side note: Why is it OK for men to talk about the women they've slept with but when you ask a woman, it's not OK? I mean we can't even ask them their age, and then you wonder why there are so many child molesters around.

It's simple really, most 15 or 16 year old's look like they're 20 going on 25. Whose fault is that? Well between the Media, the cosmetic companies and the companies producing Dairy products, it's a damn near toss up. On another tangent, I met a "French" girl today and I hate to say it, but the French really need to work on whom they chose to represent their country abroad. She claimed to be 21 while looking 25. Then she got upset at me for guessing she was 25. If you want to look younger, wear some makeup! 

Sigh, I apologize for digressing. Let's get back to the subject at hand. All of you, my avid readers think I'm about to go on a rant and rave about how there just aren't enough good quality single women around. I apologize if this make's it sound like I'm comparing them to a side of beef. Some comparison's can't be avoided. However, you will be glad to know that's not what I'm talking about. 

What I am going to rant and rave about is the complete downfall of women's sports today. 

First a couple of disclaimers, I don't personally follow women's sports. I know they play a lot of sports and they take it very seriously. For example there is the WNBA (Women's National Basketball Association - Yes a lot of thought went into that name), or even the LPGA (Ladies Professional Golf Association). Hell I've even seen a women's criket world cup being aired on T.V. I"m not sure what it's called, and I really refuse to put in the effort in to find out. After all its a bunch of women completely covered playing the world's most boring sport (Yes, Cricket falls at number 1 just ahead of Bass fishing on the list of 10 Most Boring Sports!). 

So anyway, most of you women are probably wondering "Why is there about to be a downfall in women's sports?". The answer is simple. There aren't enough people watching and hence the sponsors are leaving.

Think about it, when was the last time you watched any women's sports? By the way, Tennis doesn't count and for the record that's probably the most successful of the lot and still heading towards catastrophe. Nobody wants to watch another Williams Finals. That's third on the list of "Top 10 most boring things to do, preceded by watching Women's cricket and Bass fishing". 

This is what people don't get about Men. Most Manly Men are scared to death of displaying any affection for their fellow Manly Men unless of course it's in private. In which case there will be a lot of Man Hugs and Fist Bumping. However in public it's an entirely different ball game. 

You see men only allow their feelings to come out in public when watching sports. When you're a "dude" and you're watching the game, any game, you are allowed to shed a tear if your team is losing. You're allowed to kiss another guy if your team wins a big championship. If you're team is winning, taking off your shirt and swinging it around while you hug as many other men as possible is completely acceptable. When playing sport's you're even allowed to encourage fellow team member's by giving them a pat on their behinds.

Does anybody get where I'm going with this? 

Men are allowed to display their feelings for other men when watching sports. It is completely acceptable. In fact, most people would say to hold back any emotion especially while watching a group of men pummeling each other would be heresy. 

So I ask you again, why do women's sports fail? 

Simply because men refuse to follow it. Sure we quote lines such as "They aren't as big, or athletic enough" or how about "They just don't compete as hard!". 

Come on we all know that's not true. Women know that when it comes to sport's they have a lot more to prove than men, hence they train harder, play harder. I agree the game might not be as physical but it's a damn sight more fluid and natural, especially in this age of PED's (Performance Enhancing Drugs). 

Nope, the reason we don't follow it is because it doesn't allow any of us a way to release our "deeply hidden" emotions.

After all a man who shed's a tear watching a bunch of women lose... well that just makes them gay right? 

The problem in women's sports is that women refuse to watch it. Today, if all the women world over decided that watching the WNBA was a good way to release stress and a great way to bond, do you really believe the WNBA would be short of sponsors and on the doorstep of closing down? 

In fact, most women would force their boyfriends / husbands to go with them to these games. It would work like a chick flick. There is a reason that "The Proposal" will go on to make as much money as "Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen".

Fact: Women want to see Ryan Reynold's strutting his stuff along with Sandra Bullock. Then spend the rest of the week imagining their boyfriends look like Ryan Reynolds rather than Ron Jeremy.  

So what would be the simplest solution to avoiding the failure of women's sports? The solution to give women freedom world over? 

You have two options:

1) Have women play all play sports while dressed up in Bikini's. If you can't attract the women, you might as well get the men. The only "sports organization" that has it right today is the WWE. They know sex sell's. So they have busty attractive women that are scantily clad beating the shit out of each other.

Well them and beach volleyball. 

2) Target all the women out there. After all they make up a large part of the population and they wield the power of "The Wallet". Make them care about women's sports the way they care about fashion and accessorizing. 

I want to take this time to let you know, I really don't mean to come off cynical or negative. I don't mean to criticize or belittle. I am just stating a truth. 

If women's sports wants to survive the recession and / or get to the next level, they either need to target all the non homosexual women in the world today or they simply dumb down the sport and strip to their birthday suits because in the end those are the only two options that will save them. 

Either way should make for an interesting time. 

Posted via web from Zaev's Hole in the Wall

Where did the women go?

Those that follow me on either Twitter (@zaevdutt) or Facebook (www.facebook.com/zaevdutt) will immediately come to the conclusion that they know what this post is about after reading the heading.

They're going to say "Uh Oh! Here we go again. He's going to post about how there aren't enough good single women around!". Well you're in for a surprise. 

While I could post about that and make it interesting, while keeping in mind that it is true. I shall refrain from doing so.

You see my last post pretty much answers that question. Like I said, all the interesting women are taken at a young age by men who are easily old enough to be their Uncles. There isn't much that can be done about that. We can talk about how guys like me drive away potential single women by getting them upset while innocently asking questions like "How many men have you slept with?", but that would just be digressing.

On a side note: Why is it OK for men to talk about the women they've slept with but when you ask a woman, it's not OK? I mean we can't even ask them their age, and then you wonder why there are so many child molesters around.

It's simple really, most 15 or 16 year old's look like they're 20 going on 25. Whose fault is that? Well between the Media, the cosmetic companies and the companies producing Dairy products, it's a damn near toss up. On another tangent, I met a "French" girl today and I hate to say it, but the French really need to work on whom they chose to represent their country abroad. She claimed to be 21 while looking 25. Then she got upset at me for guessing she was 25. If you want to look younger, wear some makeup! 

Sigh, I apologize for digressing. Let's get back to the subject at hand. All of you, my avid readers think I'm about to go on a rant and rave about how there just aren't enough good quality single women around. I apologize if this make's it sound like I'm comparing them to a side of beef. Some comparison's can't be avoided. However, you will be glad to know that's not what I'm talking about. 

What I am going to rant and rave about is the complete downfall of women's sports today. 

First a couple of disclaimers, I don't personally follow women's sports. I know they play a lot of sports and they take it very seriously. For example there is the WNBA (Women's National Basketball Association - Yes a lot of thought went into that name), or even the LPGA (Ladies Professional Golf Association). Hell I've even seen a women's criket world cup being aired on T.V. I"m not sure what it's called, and I really refuse to put in the effort in to find out. After all its a bunch of women completely covered playing the world's most boring sport (Yes, Cricket falls at number 1 just ahead of Bass fishing on the list of 10 Most Boring Sports!). 

So anyway, most of you women are probably wondering "Why is there about to be a downfall in women's sports?". The answer is simple. There aren't enough people watching and hence the sponsors are leaving.

Think about it, when was the last time you watched any women's sports? By the way, Tennis doesn't count and for the record that's probably the most successful of the lot and still heading towards catastrophe. Nobody wants to watch another Williams Finals. That's third on the list of "Top 10 most boring things to do, preceded by watching Women's cricket and Bass fishing". 

This is what people don't get about Men. Most Manly Men are scared to death of displaying any affection for their fellow Manly Men unless of course it's in private. In which case there will be a lot of Man Hugs and Fist Bumping. However in public it's an entirely different ball game. 

You see men only allow their feelings to come out in public when watching sports. When you're a "dude" and you're watching the game, any game, you are allowed to shed a tear if your team is losing. You're allowed to kiss another guy if your team wins a big championship. If you're team is winning, taking off your shirt and swinging it around while you hug as many other men as possible is completely acceptable. When playing sport's you're even allowed to encourage fellow team member's by giving them a pat on their behinds.

Does anybody get where I'm going with this? 

Men are allowed to display their feelings for other men when watching sports. It is completely acceptable. In fact, most people would say to hold back any emotion especially while watching a group of men pummeling each other would be heresy. 

So I ask you again, why do women's sports fail? 

Simply because men refuse to follow it. Sure we quote lines such as "They aren't as big, or athletic enough" or how about "They just don't compete as hard!". 

Come on we all know that's not true. Women know that when it comes to sport's they have a lot more to prove than men, hence they train harder, play harder. I agree the game might not be as physical but it's a damn sight more fluid and natural, especially in this age of PED's (Performance Enhancing Drugs). 

Nope, the reason we don't follow it is because it doesn't allow any of us a way to release our "deeply hidden" emotions.

After all a man who shed's a tear watching a bunch of women lose... well that just makes them gay right? 

The problem in women's sports is that women refuse to watch it. Today, if all the women world over decided that watching the WNBA was a good way to release stress and a great way to bond, do you really believe the WNBA would be short of sponsors and on the doorstep of closing down? 

In fact, most women would force their boyfriends / husbands to go with them to these games. It would work like a chick flick. There is a reason that "The Proposal" will go on to make as much money as "Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen".

Fact: Women want to see Ryan Reynold's strutting his stuff along with Sandra Bullock. Then spend the rest of the week imagining their boyfriends look like Ryan Reynolds rather than Ron Jeremy.  

So what would be the simplest solution to avoiding the failure of women's sports? The solution to give women freedom world over? 

You have two options:

1) Have women play all play sports while dressed up in Bikini's. If you can't attract the women, you might as well get the men. The only "sports organization" that has it right today is the WWE. They know sex sell's. So they have busty attractive women that are scantily clad beating the shit out of each other.

Well them and beach volleyball. 

2) Target all the women out there. After all they make up a large part of the population and they wield the power of "The Wallet". Make them care about women's sports the way they care about fashion and accessorizing. 

I want to take this time to let you know, I really don't mean to come off cynical or negative. I don't mean to criticize or belittle. I am just stating a truth. 

If women's sports wants to survive the recession and / or get to the next level, they either need to target all the non homosexual women in the world today or they simply dumb down the sport and strip to their birthday suits because in the end those are the only two options that will save them. 

Either way should make for an interesting time. 

Posted via web from Zaev's Hole in the Wall

Bank Accounts

OK, so today I heard something very funny and amazingly it actually made sense.

Now while it may not be very politically correct and it definitely is the kind of thing that sets women's rights back a 100 years it was still funny. 

BWSP, SBB and I were discussing the dearth of women. Well the dearth of women for me. We realized as men grow older it gets a lot harder to find available women. This is because most women get into "relationships" at really young ages and are all taken by the time they get to my age.Now there are definitely exceptions to the rule like the Pact Girl, but on average they start dating very young and end up in relationships for life. 

Note: Keep in mind, I could always try to date younger women. After all I do have a 18 year old sister who knows quite a few young HCHHSSTT's. However, even I'm not that shallow or desperate... Yet! 

As for the women that don't start dating young, well they just get really picky. They want their guys to look like Hugh Jackman, be funny like WIll Smith and be as charming and suave as Pierce Brosnan. This by the way is virtually impossible. I mean I'm awesome, but even I'm not that awesome. 

So there we were discussing this theory, when all of a sudden SBB declares the following: "Women are like banking accounts. You have your Fixed Deposits, your Saving Accounts and finally your Current Accounts." 

As you can imagine BWSP and I spent the next five minutes laughing. Then we realized how true his words were, you may not like it and it may seem sexist, but for most men this would be the ideal way to categorize women.

By the way Mom, I can hear you groaning out loud and wondering how in the world you managed to raise a child like me. Good luck I guess? 

We then spent the next 10 minutes fleshing out each of the categories, which I've taken the liberty to post for all of you avid readers out there.

This way all the women can determine which category they are in. The categories are: 

1) Fixed Deposits: These are women whom men like to take home to their parents. One possibility is that they could be daughters of family friends. This is primarily for Indian men as they believe their families would encourage an "arranged marriage", especially if the girl is a 10 on the HCHHSSTT scale. 

Alternatively, female friends that have stuck around for years, with whom they may or may not have shared a "moment" also fit the bill.

Keep in mind that the two people managed to keep the "friendship" going through any and all turmoil.

By the way, if you spend more time talking to the guy than sleeping with him, it is a good sign.

Men like to keep these around for as long as possible, only cashing in this "account" once they settle on a girl to marry. Some men may even continue the "account" on the off chance they are hedging against a possible divorce. 

2) Savings Account: These are women that men believe have potential. The may date sporadically. 

These relationships are marked by the fact that they are meaningful. Time is spent in equal amounts of  talking and getting jiggy with it.

The minimum time spent with the girl is at least a year. It can be on and off, but it needs to be for at least a year.  

A lot of men see women in the Savings Account category as Fixed Deposits.

By the way I am really scared at how easily this Banking Analogy is catching on in my mind. It's really making a little too much sense right now 

3) Current Deposits: These are women that most men cash in as soon as possible (By the way that sounds bad even to me). 

You know you are in this kind of relationship if the conversation is limited and sex is abundant. There is very little hope to take this anywhere unless some how the girl makes an impression that the guy is forced to make her a more permanent  / prominent fixture in his life. This is very unlikely.  

Now, I want to take this moment to let all my female readers know that I am in no way condoning this categorization. I just think for most men, it's really convenient. Does it make it right? No, but it doesn't mean it shouldn't be used. 

In a way, it's a lot like Nuclear weapons. We all know they are bad, we all know they shouldn't be kept around as it will probably lead to WW III. Yet, every country that can produce them has a stockpile of them. Let's face it, it is really convenient. 

I would like to take this moment to let you know how scared I am. I just managed to compare "condoning of Nuclear Weapons" to "condoning of a banking analogy that helps categorize the way men "feel" about the women they are seeing".

I'm not sure if this will make my women readers feel better, but technically you could use this to categorize men as well. Except we all know women aren't shallow enough to actually go ahead and use it. 

More power to you all. I'm still going with convenience over correct. 

Posted via web from Zaev's Hole in the Wall

Nothing like it

OK, so I know every guy out there likes to say they don't remember the night they lost their virginity. I like to think they are all lying through their teeth.

Unless of course they were so wasted that they don't remember what happened and that in turn brings up the possibility it never happened. Now that would suck. You lose your virginity but don't remember it? Wow. 

I think one of the biggest reason's I remember all the details from my first time is because without it, I may have been a virgin till the age of 23. Yes, the gap between the first time I got laid and the second time I got laid was a little too long.

If I didn't know better I'd say I was being punished. By the way it had nothing to do with the size of her umm "friends".

So, the girl that consented to helping me rid myself of the monkey on my back called "Virginity" was a pretty good friend. In fact, I've decided that since she was the first girl to take me for a "spin", she deserves a name on my blog. So we shall call her FSVH (First, Short, Voluptuous HCHHSSTT). Unfortunately, she was the first of a very short list of "HCHHSSTT's". 

I'm going to now list the importance of the first time you do the horizontal Bopshibop:

1) Set's the bar: The first time you get laid sets multiple measuring bars. It set's the bar as to how good you are and how much you can improve. I've always believed I was pretty good and I also believed that as far as potential went there was scope for massive improvements.

Before you all start snickering, I'm not saying I was "Awesome". No, I'm pretty sure I wasn't, but I did get a couple of "Oh!!" moments and I'm pretty sure I got an "ouch" moment. Of course that was about 7 years ago and I need to ask "Have I reached my potential?" I'd have to say no.

I still feel I have a lot more to learn, but that's more comforting than scary after all only one way to go and thats up! 

It also sets the bar for how attractive the women you sleep with in the future will be. If she's ugly, it can work against you or even for you. Think about it? Really ugly means, it can only get better. Worst case scenario, the other women you sleep with will be just as bad.

By the way, if she's really hot, well you may just have peaked too early. 

2) Builds up Confidence: If the first time goes exactly as you hoped, there will be nothing to stop you along the rest of the way. If it goes really badly, well you'll probably never get laid again till you get married.

Did I mention you'll probably end up marrying the first girl that feels sorry for you?

If it goes the way I think mine went which was a combination of Good and Funny, you'll probably end up like me (You poor S.OB.). I'd like to think I've left every HCHHSSTT I've been with laughing or lusting after me. Most were probably laughing, but I'll take what I can get.

3) Sex is overrated: It is, it really is. Sex is actually pretty boring, in fact I get more kicks from making out and foreplay (Man that sounds like sour grapes even to me and I'm writing it!).

By the way the act of Oral sex comes under foreplay as does the part with the breasts. Motor boating is an art form once learned that leaves every guy wanting to come back for seconds.

Also, like I said before nothing is better than getting that monkey of your back. I have friends today that are over 25 years old and are still virgins.

Can you spell R-E-P-R-E-S-S-E-D. (Popatlal: did I spell that right?).

4) Do's and Don'ts: While this may seem related to point number one, it's really not.

I mean think about it, while the first time sets the bar on how good you are or in the case of certain people how bad. It also let's you experience the Do's and Dont's of sex.

It's the only time you are in possession of the rarest of gifts, a "Get out of Jail Free" card.

This is the time to experiment as much as you want, because after this you are held accountable for everything you do.

Now is the time, you can try that move from a certain pornographic movie you watched, or even something you saw on the internet. If it works "Hell Yeah!" if not "Oh Well! First time. Live and learn". I'll admit I really miss the card, I've been held accountable for things that really weren't my fault. 

and finally... 

5) Size does matter: That's right, this is the first time that somebody other than your Mom gets to see Junior or as I like to refer to him "Krull the Warrior King!".

All those hours spent laying awake panicking if you're on the short end of the stick are finally over. You see either way, she's going to answer that question for you and if it's bad news. Well that what they make pills for. The earlier you start, the better or so I've heard. 

Like I said, the first time does matter and it's important to every guy. If you miss out on answering the above questions then you've got to go that much longer stressing over things that really aren't worth stressing over.   

By the way, I spoke with FSVH recently and I made a terrible mistake. You see we've never really discussed our "first time" after it happened. In fact we went our own ways and spoke intermitently.

Well, the other day we were speaking when I asked her "Honestly, how was it that one time?" and she replied "I didn't really have any measuring sticks".

Trust me it's not something you want to hear. So whatever happens do not under any circumstance ever meet, converse or query the first girl you slept with cause it will only end badly. Do what I didn't and be happy with whatever answers you have and move on. 

By the way I choose to repress that conversation and instead write this post to reaffirm in my mind, why my first time was "Legend.. wait for it... Dary!"

On a quick tangent by the way and completely unrelated, has any T.V. Show ever brought back as many things as "How I met your Mother?" Not only did Neil Patrick Harris (Doogie Howser) make a comeback but he brought with him the following:

1) The liberal use of the word "Awesome"

2) High Five's for everybody. 

3) One Liners like "Legend.. wait for it.. Dary!

4) Treating women like sex objects. 

Does it get any better than that? 

Posted via web from Zaev's Hole in the Wall

We have liftoff

First off, I'd like to take this moment to apologize to all my ardent readers out there. I realize my blog has been down for some time now and while I do have a littany of good excuses, I shall refrain from using them.

Instead I apologize once more.

While I've managed to move all my posts to Wordpress, I'm sorry I haven't been able to move all the comments. You will notice, those of you who insisted on commenting on zaevdutt.blogspot.com have had all your comments moved over. Unfortunately, Wordpress and Posterous haven't quite linked up yet. Those are the breaks I guess. By the way I also want to take this time to tell you that Posterous is a phenomenal model, I only moved away from it because of the lack of customizability with regard to design.

And Finally, while the design of this blog may seem very plain, its a work in progress. It took me a long time to finalize on this design and I personally like it for it's simplicity.

Some of the new and old features of the blog include:

1) Blog Roll - These are links to blogs I read.

2) My Twitter Feed - These include most of my nonsensical, value adding twitter updates. Follow me!

3) Tag Cloud - This is my personal favourite, it's a Tag Cloud which takes you to posts that have been categorized or tagged in a certain way by me. Should make for easier browsing.

While I have yet to update the blog with any new material, you can take the time to enjoy some of it's new aspects and go through the older posts.

Oh and you can expect a post from me over the weekend.

P.S. For all the updates, you must view the blog using the url http://www.zaevdutt.com

Posted via web from Zaev's Hole in the Wall

10 Things I'd rather be doing

So, couple of quick things. I've learnt I really should never post from my Blackberry or when highly intoxicated. For those interested, I made a couple of edits to the post "As Drunk as a Homeless Man on New Years Eve". I'd like to believe it's a better read now, still as "Honest" as before, just a whole lot better to read. I apologize for all the spelling and grammar mistakes. 

So moving on, this is going to be a quick post.

I was sitting at work today when I emailed TPG (The Pact Girl) 10 things I'd rather be doing. The 10 things were really good, so I've decided to share them with you - My Avid Readers!

While this isn't the original list emailed, it's pretty close. So here you go in a vague order of importance, 10 Things I'd rather be doing: 

10) Taking a dump, while reading JLA (Justice League of America) comics: You'd be amazed at how relaxing and fun this is. 

9) Getting a lap dance in a strip club in NYC: Nothing like a Brooklyn girl giving you a lap dance, alternatively you could get one from a Latina girl as well. Whatever floats your boat. 

8) Getting a lap dance in a strip club in Las Vegas: Completely difference experience, as nothing beats a Brooklyn girl who moved to LA, got implants, failed at acting and decided to become a stripper in Vegas instead (Only one step away from making a porno!). More over you can follow this up with a Breakfast Buffet for $4.99! 

7) Playing Poker with MJ (Jackson), MJ (Jordan), Elvis, Kobe, Wilt, Lenon and Lenin: You telling me you don't want to know what Jordan thinks about Kobe? Or what Jackson thinks about his death, his kids custody battle and his possible burial at Neverland? Let's not even get started on Wilt telling you stories on how he slept with over a 100 HCHHSSTT's while cussing Shaq out. Lennon cussing McCartney out and finally Lenin cussing Stalin out. Lots of cussing, good times all around in my opinion.  

6) Riding Suzzanne across India while singing "Life is a Highway" in my head: I do think that after an hour or two when I can't feel my ass, I'll probably want to do one of the other 9 things. In the meantime though "life is a high way and I wanna ride it all night long!". 

5) Having crazy animal sex with Megan Fox, Scarlett Johansson and Cindy Crawford: There were two things good about Transformers 2. Robots thirty feet tall kicking ass and Megan Fox licking her lips and doing her best impression of C.J Parker running on the beach. Scarlett just does it for me. As for Cindy, Damn that sexy mole.

By the way: Has a mole ever made a woman more sexy? Is it even possible? When I see the moles on the faces of most "normal" women, I wonder how long before I say something stupid like "Holey Moley!" or "Moles Away". With Cindy, it's more like "Mole me baby! All night long!".   

4) Chilling with Didi in NYC and then getting drunk while celebrating Tutti Fruiti's Birthday: Tutti Fruiti doesn't read my blog, but here's a shout out to her, also the thought of free drink's since it's her Birthday is always nice. Oh and Didi cooks a mean lasagna.   

3) Chill with Mom in Dubai, and have MWA (Mangie Wants Ass) visit me in Dubai so he can buy me drinks: I'm cheap and broke. He's rich and generous. It's a good combination. Mom provides free housing. Did I ever mention I love my Mom? 

2) Chilling in my apartment with MWA, TL (Team Lead), Beige (pronounced like the colour) and Coffee, drinking tons of beer and having D&M (Deep and Meaningful - TPG's abbreviation) conversation: Nothing beats good friends, good booze and good conversation. 

and finally...

1) Getting drunk with TPG, having D&M conversation with her, which ends with my grabbing her ass (she hates that!) and her slapping me silly: What can I say, she doesn't even know it but she could have me wrapped around her finger.  

By the way a couple of really quick honorable mentions such as playing ball with Alinefx, MWA, and Beige, going to Burritoville will Coffee, getting drunk with my little sister and watching her make a fool of herself as she starts hitting on random men and driving my dad's Jeep down from Calcutta to Bombay. 

If you have any suggestions, let me know. I welcome new and different ideas.  

Posted via web from Zaev's Hole in the Wall

As drunk as a Homeless Man on New Years Eve.

So, after my last post I really didn't plan on posting for a while, but fate obviously had other plans.
 
I just went for a friends / boss's farewell party. Honestly, I had no intention of going, because I felt I had said my farewell 6 - 10 months ago.
 
Apparently, as I said fate - fate had other plans.
 
So there I was witnessing the tribute prepped for him, and the first thought that came to mind was "Wow! When I leave, this would never happen!". That thought hit me like a ten ton piano falling right on my head.
 
The truth is, I've known this for a while. The difference between myself and my colleagues is simple. It's not a question of intellect, management capabilities or business aptitude. It's a simple case of "wanting it more". I just don't want it. This is not what I see myself doing for the next five years. Unfortunately, while not an excuse. It does lead to indequacies.
I realised about two to three weeks ago, why I didn't want it, the answer was chillingly simple. I don't want it because I don't care.
 
I'm not saying I'm awesome at what I do, but I do think I'm pretty good and the only thing holding me back is me.
 
Who do you blame wheb you know that all your inadequacies are your fault. It doesn't matter it it"s a relationship, work, hygiene, or even running the U.S. Presedential Office, in the end the only one to blame is yourself.
 
Why haven't I set out to do more with my life? It boils down to deciding if you want to wake up one dat knowing that you tried and you just weren't as good as you thought? Or maybe you wake up knwoing you didn't even try?
 
In almost three years spent in India, I've accomplished nothing. It"s ironic people ask me why I came back and my answer is "I hated my job". Well, is today"s scenario any better?
I don't know, I get paid less to do more, while I'm still discontent doing it. The crazy part is, I know the people I report into actually read this blog and I don't eve care right now.
 
I just came from the farewell "party" of the person that introduced me to my present situation and two things dawned on me;
 
1) I still haven't quit and he just did. I'm not sure if this is an ego thing, or it its relation point #2.
 
2) He's actually doing what he always wanted to do, while I'm more lost about what I want to do than ever before.
 
I really wanted to stop writing these stupiid posts dealing with the brutal honesty of how I felt. I much rather post about "How women should dress on a first date!" Or "why is that girl engaged when she's got her arm around me?". Apparently, all I'm good at are these sappy posts, declaring the many inadequcies of my life. Mind you this isn't helping me get laid at all.
 
Stating "truths" that nobody else should care about and by the way if you do care? While I appreciate your concern, shouldn't you be more focused on your own life?
 
Amazingly enough, I'm not depressed or high volatile emotionally. I'm perfectly normal. I know what I need to do, the only question is "Am I capable of doing what needs to be done?".
 
Based on historical performance the answer is a resounding "No!", I'd like to believe that I still haven't lost the hope to change that to a more welcoming "Yes!".
 
It's 3 AM and all I feel like doing right now is going for a ride on beautiful Suzzanne. Damn the facr that I drank too much.
 
Definitely feel like a Homeless Man on New Years Eve.
 
By the way "Puke free since '09" just doesn't have the ring I want. Any suggestions?
 
P.S. This post was made using a BlackBeryy. Please excuse grammar, formating and spelling mistakes.

Posted via email from Zaev's Hole in the Wall

The Pact

I once made a pact with this incredible HCHHSSTT.  

Everybody makes pacts like the one we have, especially when you're younger. It's one of those "If we're both still single by the time we're 30, we'll get married" pacts.

Note: It's amazing how when you make these pacts, you never really believe it'll happen. I mean come on, what are the chances you're going to be single at 30!?! Obviously this changes the minute you get closer to 30, have been single for a while and have no chance in hell of dating a girl, let alone marry you in 4 years. Things sure change as you get older. 

Disclaimer: I'll admit that I've made this pact with a few women. Most of whom today I either don't speak to anymore or don't want to get married too.

However, there is one girl who she stands miles apart from them. 

She's not your usual HCHHSSTT. Sure, she's hot (definitely more attractive than any girl I've ever been with) and can pull of the whole High Heels, Short Skirts and Tight Top bit, but along with that she actually has a brain. She's interesting, talks just the right amount, knows how to hold her liquor (kinda negates my chances!), laughs at all my jokes and most importantly she is an avid reader of my blog. I think she might even be offended to be labeled an HCHHSSTT - Unfortunately, not every girl wants to be an HCHHSSTT!

By the way for all you guys (all women readers can just replace "girl" for "guy") out there, I have a couple of quick questions, When a girl calls you up:

1) In the middle of a meeting, would you walk out of the meeting even though you know your boss won't be overly impressed?

2) In the middle of a close friends surprise party, would you disappear for over an hour and miss out on the cake being cut right at 12 AM? (By the way, this isn't as easy to do as it sounds!)

Or

3) In the middle of an holiday with a group of 8 - 10 friends (all drunk) who want to head to the beach, would you try stalling them (and succeed!) for an hour or more?

What would you do? You know what's a really scary thought? I don't do this for my own family (sorry guys), but I did it for her.

Note: After every one of these calls, I went through the following emotions in this precise order: Elation followed by a dose of reality bringing about a nice bout of Depression. This is actually really good for healthy living at the very least it keeps you in touch with two of your most extreme emotions. 

You go through life, meeting a ton of people and there are a lot of times, when you think "This person is cute. I should try my luck". but there are only a couple of times, when you meet someone that makes you cry when they leave (It took me a long time to figure this one out by the way) and only one person for whom you'd call ten different friends in an attempt to get her number so you can drunk-dial her.  

So, I have this pact with her and the crazy part is I'm not even sure she remembers it. I don't think she does, and does it matter if she does or not? 

I put a lot of thought into this post, in fact I spent the last 24 hours thinking about what I'd write. I know if I had spent another 24 hours, I'd probably do a better job writing it, but would it be as honest and would it really make a difference? 

I've told her how I feel and she always counters by saying "It's in your head". I really don't have a come back to that.

So as I was thinking about what to write, (channeling my inner stalker style) I decided to check out some pics of her (gotta love Facebook) and I realized "Holy Shit! She's completely out of my league and I stand no chance!". Let me tell you, it's not a good feeling, Reality is a real pain in the ass.  

So what's the point of this post, Is it to tell her how I feel? Is it to tell you my avid readers how I feel? Is it to give my brother more ammunition to use against me in our never ending battle of nitwits? Is it to make my mom realise that her son is a hopeless basket case? Is it to make this girl realise I'm a pathetic, sentimental, wuss of a Manly Man? Is it an attempt to remind her of a pact made 10 years ago?

I really don't know.

While this post may pose more questions than answers, I guess what it really comes down to is sometimes you just gotta let it all out, so you can let it all go. No matter how nonsensical, irrational or hopeless you feel. 

Posted via web from Zaev's Hole in the Wall

Job Well Done

Today a friend of mine broke up with his girlfriend, they'd been dating "on and off" (his words, not mine - I always believe it's either on or forever off, but that's just me) for about 5 years now. I just have to say I'm really proud of him. 

You see in this day and age, most people that are in relationships longer than a year or two, get married and then divorced in about 2 - 5 years. Now, this is may not be as true in the States as is it is in India (In the States, they don't get married, they just live together), but there is still some truth to it. 

All these people stay together for just one reason and that is they "Settle". Everybody in this day and age settles. I've seen it happen over and over again, people just settling.

I mean if this happened in times of War, the world would be a much better place. Unfortunately, it's never that simple. When it comes to war, we'll wage it until a whole bunch of people are dead. When it comes to Love, nope let's just settle for something that may or may not even be love, because that's the "smart" thing to do. Which is really ironic when you think about it. 

I'm off the opinion that people settle for primarily two reasons:  

1) They are scared of being alone

Note: Loneliness is a by product of being alone. I've had this argument and won. If you want to argue it further, please make sure you Define:Alone in Google search first, read all the definitions and then come back with your "rational" argument. 

2) The concept of "Divorce" has made it so that people feel they can just correct a "mistake". 

That's one hell of a mistake to fix champ! Assuming you live for 60 years, and you spent 8 years with someone, only to have it end in divorce because it was a bad idea (which you knew from the beginning, but ignored because you thought you would never find anybody better). You wasted just a little over 1/6th of your life away. Namely your prime, the peak years which you could've used finding the perfect person or sleeping with a bunch of HCHHSSTT's. Both of which by the way, would you leave you happier than you are right now. 

So I'm happy because he didn't settle. He definitely had the opportunity too. I've met his ex-girlfriend and she's actually kind of nice and attractive too. Unfortunately, for him (or her) they just didn't click sexually.

Note: Yes, sex is a big part of any relationship. I mean come on, I'm not afraid to say that a large reason I would get into a relationship with a girl is the fact that I'd get unconditional sex at least once a week (That's the bare minimum as far as I'm concerned). If a guy (or a girl) is not getting that, you know they're going to cheat on you. This is the reason most Indian Husbands are such adulterers, their wives refuse to give them enough nookie and when they do give it up, it's bland and boring. 

So anyway, like I said he could've settled. Now, you know why I'm happy my friend broke up. As for why I'm proud?

Well, it's because he could've done something a lot of guys do and that is string her along until he found somebody he felt was better. I know he liked the fact that he had somebody to talk to all the time. Somebody that made him feel special and when you spend as much as 5 years with a girl, it's not easy letting go.

In fact, imagine letting go and knowing that while there are possibilities you could meet someone more your match, the chances of that happening are at best 50 - 50. It takes a lot of cajones to do something like that (It takes even more when you know, you aren't going to get any sex for a while - I don't think he realises that right now and I'm not about to tell him). 

I know so many people that stay in unhappy relationship's because they can't be alone. I've met guys (and girls) that cheat incessantly on their significant others, all because they are unhappy at the thought of being "stuck" with them. Some guys do worse, they emotionally abandon their girlfriends but refuse to break up with them or let them out of their lives because they like having them around, pretty much like a favourite chair. 

Now, I know you guys think I'm being my usual "over reactionary" self. I probably am, I probably am applauding something most people won't agree with. But you know what? I'm fine with that. 

When you grow up in a family littered with divorce, and you know your mother is single because she got married for the wrong reasons and is suffering because the guy who married her was too scared to make the right decision for the both of them. You'll learn that maybe, it's better to be alone than to spend the next 3 - 5 years in a relationship that leaves both people worse off than when they got into it. 

So, to my friend I raise my bottle of beer and say "Job Well Done". 

Posted via web from Zaev's Hole in the Wall