My First Dated

Have you ever noticed how something you saw when you were a kid seemed a lot cooler at the time than now when you're all grown up?

I mean this has happened to me on multiple occasions. I always hoped there were things I would never be too old for. For example Cartoons and Chocolate Chip cookies. It's a scary thought when you contemplate all the things that you are too old for at the age of 40, 50 and 60.

Dammit there goes my Enfield when I'm 60!

I guess after everything is said and done, there will always be things you are too old for. Somethings especially get dated faster than others. When I was 14 and reading Archie Comics, I never thought I would get too old for them, now I look at them and can't read more than two pages before putting the book down in complete disbelief because of how naive some of the characters are. Dammit Veronica, just get into a three some already, Midge and Betty are waiting!

Even movies, have any of you watched the movie Rad? I always believed that movie to be awesome. When I watched it recently, I couldn't get past the first 5 mins. There is no plot, the acting is terrible and don't even get me started on the cheesy 80's bike tricks and music.

Hell, even HCHHSSTT's can get dated. You see a girl you think is hot when you are 14, and by the time you are 18 and old enough to make a move you realise how butt ugly she is.

In the end, I guess that's how it is. You grow up, you become more cynical, you lose the ability to enjoy things that once would've never had a problem keeping your attention. I just hope I never grow out of watching cartoon's, eating cereal and acting like a complete dork when I want too.

Too all the things that I can't take seriously in my life anymore (that would be you Archie comics) I just wanted to say, thank you for the good times, the bad times and everything in between.

My First Diss

Diss. So I googled the word, and believe it or not Google had completely irrelevant definitions of the word. Stunning! So what does it mean to get Dissed? It means somebody disrespected you.

There are ton's of way to disrespect some one. Sure you could spit on them, you could also call them names (This I'm really good at!) or you could even do something as subtle as question their judgement.

It's even worse when the person questioning your judgement is supposed to be a valued friend. I mean if that person is questioning your judgement, hell everybody and their mom is going to question it.

The funny part is I don't know if I should be disappointed? or Angry? I guess it's a combination of both.

Let me tell you, its easier to recover from a HCHHSSTT rejecting you than from a good friend questioning your very judgement and on many levels your ability to make decisions.

Oh well, I guess just the way you bounce back from an HCHHSSTT turning you down, you recover from this and you hope to hell the friend doesn't do it again. Once is forgivable, twice is just not cool.

My First Suprise

Well, its been pretty well documented that I'm still hunting for an apartment. It's also been pretty well documented that I haven't found said apartment. I even believe the fact that I might be homeless in under two weeks has been pretty well documented. Fear not, I shall keep blogging.

So any way's I finally saw a place today which had potential. Definitely a place I would be interested in inhabiting. So obviously I told the broker as such and asked her to call me back with final figures.

Being the good broker that she is (A broker in India is only as good as they are greedy for money), she promptly called me and asked me a two very important questions:

1) Are you a bachelor? Or Family?

2) What is your caste?

No, I didn't start laughing... instead I took a deep breath and tried to answer those questions.

Yes, I am a bachelor and it's not entirely out of choice. Trust me I want to be a "Family". I even love the song "We are Family!". When I told her I was a bachelor she promptly asked: Will your mother ever come and visit? To which I replied "Yeah sure, maybe for a couple of days". In my mind I was thinking (Over my dead body! No disrespect Mom, I love you! But I don't think I want you to come to my 1 bedroom apartment in the middle of nowhere where I plan on practicing multiple acts of debauchery!).

The second question was even funnier. Believe it or not, I actually do know my caste. I take great pride in the fact that I am not a Brahman. Instead I'm an awesomely cool Kshatriya (OK, screwed up the spelling... been a while). Kshatriya's are the warrior class and yes we get all the HCHHSSTT's. However, I didn't feel like answering her question and instead said "What caste? I don't know!" To which she asked me are you a Muslim? Now, I know all these questions and answers are probably boring you. But trust me I'm coming to the point. The point is, how the hell does it matter what religion I am when I'm looking for an apartment?

I mean if this is how supposedly educated people behave, it kinda makes you realise that all those little kids that join the Al Quaeda don't really stand a chance do they? I mean we live in a secular country and we refuse to rent out apartments to bachelors and better yet Muslims. Since when did religion dictate the availability of an apartment? I mean I am so taken back and so disappointed that I can't even joke about it. I'm sorry to say but it's times like this that really make me ashamed to be an Indian.

Sure a bunch of redneck's may not vote for a black man to be president, but at least they won't stop the black man from living in their apartments. They will just make sure they double the rent. I'll take that over the religion criteria any day.

Oh and for the record I'm supposed to be a Hindu, but how does it matter... at this rate I think we're all going to hell.

My First Miss

OK, So I missed a post for today. Honestly, I have no excuse... I guess I just got caught up with work (ha ha ha.. work! I still can't say that with a straight face!) or it could've been that I had nothing to post about again so I decided to create work so that I wouldn't have to post.

Unfortunately, I felt guilty about it and am posting now. Technically, all my US based readers (Yes, I have a few... I think) are still 6 hours behind and hence it counts as yesterday or rather today. Depends on how you want to look at it.

So, here's hoping I don't sound too corny and stupid but I just wanted to say "I love the fact that I have some very cool friends and a really cool brother". I would name them but really the list would be embarrassingly small and I don't think I can deal with that kind of humiliation. Also, I don't want to list my brother here by name because personally I don't think he's completely worthy of being named. Especially since he dropped me from 1st to 6th on his fave sibling list just because I didn't buy him a birthday present and just because I don't call him ever and just because I don't make funny video's like his new #1 sibling. Wow, talk about a running sentence.

Any way's my point is it's awesome having good friends especially when some offer you a place to stay when you have no place to stay. And it's awesome sharing a first drink with a friend... he can't drink cause he actually cares about his health unlike myself. Or finally when you meet the younger brother of your best friend and you realise he's grown into a really cool dude.

I guess it all matter's. Even that brother who drops you to 6th in his sibling list but still makes the effort to call you every three days to check if you have an apartment. Still if it were up to me I'd love to drop a piano on his head the way I would for my sister, but it would be a much bigger piano.

My First Nonsensical Post

So, OK this isn't really my first bad week, but its damn well been a pretty bad week.

First, I have to find an apartment in the next week or I'm going to be homeless. Second, I'm supposed to take more initiative at work to come up with task's for me to do. That's not happening because let's just say I enjoy sitting on my ass doing nothing a little too much. Third I haven't gotten laid all week... OK I haven't gotten laid a lot longer than that, but you get my point.

Now, what does one do to make their week better? Me, I'd try drinking except I'm broke. I could try picking up chick's but again I'm broke and judging my recent track record I'd have to have a couple of million. I could always buy something to cheer me up, but wait did I mention I'm broke?

Now, sure maybe I got a little carried away and spent too much money on certain item's that really do bring a smile to my face, but that's besides the point. I hate to say it, but either I get a raise or its time to work out a new system where we don't need to use money.

Personally I'm good with trying either of the methods. I mean a raise would really be handy, except that I have a bad feeling I'm about to enter a new tax bracket and get my ass handed to me on taxes (This is what happens when you don't invest!). Since that is not going to work. I think we should come up with a new method where we don't need to use money. Sure we could try some kind of barter system but we've already decided that's doesn't quite work. Plus I have no services to offer.

So how about a system where we magically get everything given to us and don't have to do anything. I think such a system could easily be created. Just read Harry Potter! They could conjure up anything. I guess its time to conjure up an ... wait for it... wait for it... HCHHSSTT!

Yep, My first nonsensical post where I have absolutely nothing of value to say. Good times!

Did I mention a colleague and I are planning on modifying our Enfield bikes to work on water because the price of gas just went up again. That's right! Water!

My First Sport

I love sport's, I really do. In the worst of situations sport's makes for an awesome ice breaker. Now, keep in mind I don't love all sports. Certain sports like Golf and Cricket if it were upto me would not be considered sports.

Now, Basketball is an amazing sport. It's something I follow religiously. It's fast, its exciting and the cheerleaders are hot as hell. Sure, the cheerleaders maybe a notch below the NFL, but still almost as good.

But I guess we have to ask the question: What is it about sport's that makes sane men go crazy?

I mean there I was watching the 2000 NBA playoffs and the Knicks were struggling to get to the finals and every second they had me on the edge and breaking a sweat. I think I was under more pressure then than the first time I had sex!

I still remember the time Ayrton Senna died and I actually shed a tear. I even remember what I was doing when the Lakers came back from being down 15 points in the last 7 mins to beat the Trailblazers for their chance at winning the NBA finals in 2000. They then went on to win the NBA Championship three years running. That was just torture. Hell, how can any of us even forget the shot taken by Jordan in his last finals against the Utah Jazz?

The point is sports play a vital role in the life of all men and sometimes we have to wonder why? Is it the Cheerleaders? I mean it's just as easy to watch women that are just as hot in some porno and best part is they are naked. So it can't be that. It could be the fact that everybody wants to be like Mike? Can't argue with this one. It could just be that what man wouldn't want to make a living by playing our favourite sport? I mean those of us that can't play a sport, try to write about it or just watch it and then bitch and moan when our favourite teams get the shit beaten out of them.

But, when they win... it's like nothing can go wrong. Sure we didn't personally get anything out of it, but our favourite sports team did. I recently had a friend strip off his shirt, wave it around like a crazy person and shed tears when his Man Utd. beat Chelsea for the UEFA Champions Cup. While he was doing this, the only thing running through my mind was "He is so going to regret this tomorrow when I make fun of him!" and "I wonder if he would trade this moment to get laid?"

My point is, sports make us do crazy things, behave in crazy ways. Sometimes its worth it. Sometimes you just wish you could walk away. Cause sometimes the heartbreak is worse than when that HCHHSSTT at the bar turns you down for the tenth time in one night.

My First Man Post

So, I'm sitting next to a friend who wants me to discuss something on my post. Apparently she claims I spend way too much time discussing HCHHSSTT's and other "Inane" topics. Personally I don't agree with her point of view but I figured since she's a friend I'll do her a favor and discuss whatever it is she wants me to discuss. I guess we'll be leaving the "Stalker" post I had all prepared for another day.

So today's post is going to be about how women find men "convenient". The first thing I did is get clarification on what she means by convenient: apparently it means that men are always thinking that women are mad, always at fault, and that men do whatever pleases them, when it pleases them.

Now after analysing this argument from her, I've basically realised that I was wrong and that maybe somewhere she had a point.

We do think women are mad and are insane and are almost always at fault. I mean let's see women say "No!" when they mean "Yes!" and vice versa. They expect us to guess their multiple mood swings and we're also supposed to know the answer to the question "Do these jeans make my ass look big?" and "Do you really love me?". I mean come on! Really??? Now, that doesn't mean we won't put up with it! We'll deal with the insanity, I mean after all there are varying degree's of insanity and us Manly Men have nothing but love for all the women out there and personally if dealing with the insanity gets me laid again sometime this decade, well then so be it!

Now on another note do we always do things when it suits us? Yes, we do. I won't lie. We're selfish creatures and we love ourselves a lot. Enough so that we don't have to deal with self confidence issues the way all women do (Example of how ALL women suffer from self confidence issues: I told a model this weekend how stunning she looked, her response was "Don't say things you don't mean". This from a super hot model I would give my left and right nuts to date. Oh! And she was serious when she said that!). This inadvertently makes us do whatever we want when we want. This is how the booty call came around, lets face it we wanted sex at 3 am cause we couldn't sleep because we were suffering from our daily bout of rampant horniness and called the first girl we could think off. Wham! Booty call!

So, yes I totally see where this girl is coming from and I feel for her pain, cause after all for her to be calling us men convenient it must mean that one of us men did something which was probably very inconvenient for her. It's not easy being a girl I understand that, but really don't you women bring a lot of this on yourselves? After all you are the ones that answered that 3 am Booty call.

My First Non Debate

There I was, at a loss! Completely at a loss! I had no topic for today's post and frankly after yesterdays ho-hum post I needed a winner. I think for the first time in my life I felt like how the New York Times sports editor must've felt like after the Knicks failed to make the playoffs for the millionth time in a row.

But then it hit me, the way the New York Times sports editor ran right into the Superbowl and the Giants winning it. I ran into the most awesome column topic. In fact its such an awesome topic it's a non debate!

What is it? Drum roll please..... Ta da! 10 reason's why its better to be a Manly Man then a woman. I know this is a controversial topic and will raise many a hackle. Really though when you think about it, it's a non starter. Us Manly Men win from the get go.

The Reasons are:

1) We live in a male dominated society and get to do what we want. We also know how to use video recorders (Or in this day and age TIVO!) and don't need to look up instruction manuals for most electronic items.

2) We can have all the sex we want and never have to worry about getting labelled a slut.

3) We get to stare at all the HCHHSSTT's out there and not feel guilty about it.

4) We get to make completely stupid decisions in our relationships and then blame it on God by saying "God gave us a brain and a penis... but only enough blood to run one at a time!"

5) We can spend all day laying on the couch, eating chips, drinking beer, watching sports and never have to worry about looking fat in our jeans.

6) Did I mention we get to have all the sex that we want and never have to worry about getting labelled a slut? If I did... Did I also mention that we never have to fear about getting pregnant?

7) It takes us 5 mins to get ready for work, which means we get that much more sleep everyday than the average women.

8) We do half the work that women do and get paid twice as much for it as they do.

9) We don't have to shave our arms, legs, underarms, and nether regions. If we do shave our nether regions its a major bonus. But, we aren't required too.

10) Finally and probably one of the most reasons Manly Men have it better than women is that we get to Pee standing up! This is turn allows us to write our names in the most awesome of places with our Pee and that's just one activity!

I mean after that, is there any doubt how good we have it? Now, this is only if you are a Manly Man. If you are half a Man, well then you get some of the perks but not all. Either way it's still a stunning advantage and I for one would not have it any other way.

My First Meeting

I love meeting's. They generally mean getting to sit with groups of people and discuss matters completely unrelated to life or death. Now that's always fun!

Yep, meetings can always be fun. Whether they are with a group of work colleagues, or meeting friends for a beer or meeting up with an HCHHSSTT over a toasty meal and an unlimited supply of wine - my personal favourite and it just doesn't happen enough!

The problem with meetings are when you sit with a group of people and not one of you has a common idea, or even the inclination to listen to each other let alone actually accept what the other has to say.

Wait... Did I say problem? I meant let the fun begin! Imagine a meeting where everybody is speaking at once, about matters completely unrelated to each other. You have one person elaborating the same retarded plan over and over in an attempt to disguise his stupidity. You have another person saying something completely unrelated to the topic and completely failing to disguise his stupidity. You also have a person who makes a little bit of sense but completely fails to make his point and hence refuses to accept other peoples points. Finally you have a lone voice of reason that is drowned out and in the end appears most nonsensical because well it makes that much sense.

So what do you do at a point like this? Well the smart thing is to adjourn knowing that nothing will be resolved. The smarter thing yet is to just be a Manly Man and make a decision (if you have the power!) and the smartest thing yet is to sit back and enjoy the show.

My First Calling Out

I'm back! That's right... My Cold has almost left my system (God! I didn't mean to jinx it!) and apart from the slightest bit of parched throat that can be inconvenient when in the mood to make out, life is a lot better.

So, what am I going to voice out today to all my ardent readers out there? It's simple. This is a post dedicated to a person. Actually, it is kinda dedicated to a lot of people out there. A lot of the same kind of people. I know your question is What kind of people?

Well, the kind of people that always make up excuses. You see its those people that say one thing and then when the right opportunity presents itself they run away. I'm not quite sure what you call these people as it's pretty apparent from my post's grammar and language are not my strong point. Having said that lets just call them insecure.

I mean it really bothers me to see people constantly crying out about their lack of opportunities or all the injustices that happen to them when in reality they are too blame for it. I've never really blasted a race or religion on my blog post before, but today that is going to change. Now, before I blast them I want you to understand that the race I'm about to blast is the same one I'm a part of (So technically, It is Politically Correct!).

That said Indian people are just way too insecure for their own good.

Whether its at work where everybody is so insecure with what they offer a company that they hate anybody new that joins, or it's the dude at the bar sitting with an HCHHSSTT who he's good friends with and never going to sleep with cock blocking you, or its that girl who claims to want to get a new special someone in her life but doesn't have the guts to go out and meet new people. The worst part is, they actually make excuses for themselves and think this is normal.

Let me tell you people, its not normal. Get with the program nobody is perfect, nobody is infallible, and nobody is going to go through life constantly having his way (Hell, even Michael Jordan has problems and Jesus Christ did get crucified!). My point is, if you can learn to accept your inadequacies and learn to be less insecure about them. You might just end up a couple of steps in front instead of always on the same spot.

My First Bad Day

Well, I hate today. Its not because I haven't met any HCHHSSTT's, nor is it because I'm planning to NOT drink tonight. Hell, its not even because I have to find a new apartment within the next 2 weeks or risk being stuck on the road with a PS3 and no air conditioning.

No, it's because I can't stop myself from falling asleep at my desk. No matter what I'm looking at I keep falling asleep! Have you ever had that happen to you? I've tried doing everything from drinking coffee to having my eyelids taped to keep them awake. None of it is working.

As I type this page I can feel my eyes just shutting. Personally I wish I could blame my tiredness on the fact that I spent all last night with a couple of HCHHSSTT's and they refused to let me sleep.

I guess the bottom line is "My Bad" I cannot stay awake. You remember those old Tom and Jerry cartoon's, now I know what Tom felt like and man do I sympathize with him.

You are probably curious if it's because my Job is that boring, and Yes, while it is that boring. Its sufficiently challenging and keeps me awake. Today, everytime I've looked at this all important XLS on my screen I've felt my eye lids shut. The worst part about falling asleep at work when you have a cold is that you end up snoring really loudly, whether you like it or not.

I guess it's really just one of those day's.

My First Rule Guide

So, I believe I have progressed far enough to come up with my own rule guide. Now obviously the first question is What is a Rule Guide? after which your other questions are What is the Rule Guide on? Why not call it a rule book instead? and finally Who authorized you (that would be me) to write a Rule Guide?

Well, have no fear because I have answers for all those questions:

1) A Rule guide (For the sake of simplicity will be referring to the Rule Guide as RG going forward) is a set of rules to help guide people through carrying out certain tasks. These are not rules laid down as right or wrong, they are there as a guiding light. Failing to adhere to these rules does not send you to prison. Nope, they just send you down to the dark side.

2) Today's RG will be on how to be an AWESOME Manly Man friend. Not a good pussy ass friend but an AWESOME Manly Man friend.

3) We don't call it a rule book because it's not a book, it's a guide and a RG can be amended and updated as time and situations change.

4) Well, lets see... My Blog, My Time, My Wish? That and the fact that I am an AWESOME Manly Man friend. So I already know the rules, and am in many ways an expert. For references on this please feel free to contact me.

Now what makes a normal person an AWESOME Manly Man friend. Well a couple of things really:

1) Self Sacrifice: You have to be the perfect Wingman, in the worst of situations you need to help your buddy. If this means giving up your last $5 until next week's payday so your buddy can drop the redheaded HCHHSSTT he is macking on in front of you with while ignoring your existence in a yellow cab and in the process get some nookie. You Give it up.

2) Self Sacrifice 2: If your buddy asks you to check his breath cause he has a cold and can't check his own breath and he's got his eyes set on the lovely brunette HCHHSSTT sitting at the bar. You check his breath! You don't complain, you just do it! Trust me he will do the same for you.

3) Manly Man Bonding: One must always be willing to meet up with his fellow same-sex buddies for a round of drinking and shenanigans. While spending time with only sausages can bring down every Manly Man's spirit, once in a while it's a good thing to do. It also reminds you of what being a Man is truly about.

4) Not Judging People: The most important point of all, never judge your Manly Man friends. Every Manly Man has his moments of weakness, if you see him crying like a little girl because the HCHHSSTT he wanted to sleep with shattered his confidence then it's up to you to show him courage and not judge him. If you see the man drunk and sleeping with anything but an HCHHSSTT you must not judge him instead remember mistakes happen for a reason.

5) Man Love: It's OK to love another man, in a completely heterosexual way and also to indulge in rare cases of Man hugs. These are normal and should not at any time set you off balance. Also, please remember that the increased intake of Alcohol is directly proportional to the increase in the number of hugs and "I love you's". That does not mean you need to stop drinking.

This is just a broad layout for my Rule Guide, obviously there are a lot more things that we can work on and add, and if you my ardent readers feel like adding valid points, please feel free to comment them based on their level of importance. I may just add them to the blog and award credit to the right people.

My First Sickly Day

I have a complaint to make. OK, I know I complain a lot, but this complain is valid.

This is something I've seen since I was a kid and its disgusting, wrong and completely irresponsible of people to do this. You would think that there would be laws that would outlaw this kind of behaviour. Guess again! There are no laws, no rules, no compromises. If there were it would just make too much sense.

I've been sick for the last 5 friggin days. Do you realise how I spent my awesome weekend? No, I wasn't out getting nookie from an HCHHSSTT, I wasn't getting a free BBQ meal (Nothing beats BBQ) and I sure as hell wasn't getting drunk. Instead I was at home asleep because I was and still am suffering from this godawful cold that refuses to leave my system.

Now, yes most people would say "Colds happen... can't be helped". Well let me tell you: Colds do not just happen! You get them from people, specifically from colleagues that refuse to stay home when sick. You remember back in High School when you'd always have that one sick person coming to school because their parents didn't want them to finish second in class. (Wait now that I think about it that makes more sense, the parents probably sent the kid to get everybody else sick, that would be the only way he could finish top of his class). A couple of months ago, everybody at work got conjunctivitis because one person showed up to work as they didn't want to take the day off!

My point is, sick leave is there to be used! Use it dammit! I know you'd rather leave it for a day when you actually aren't sick, but fact is your diseases are spreading and now you've gone and antagonized me by making me really sick.

I believe I'm going to start a movement where anybody that comes to work or school sick will be hanged! Who all are with me? I know you are with me!! Come on now?!?

My First Game

I've been accused of playing games. Apparently people think that I play games with other people. I pull their heart strings and twirl them around. That is a lie.

OK, true I do torture people psychologically but thats because those people deserve to be tortured. For instance my brother, I love him deeply, but lets face it after 16 years of physically torturing me, I'm just starting to get some payback. Most other times I believe I am a very nice person and could even get testimonials from people to prove it. I don't even enjoy games... well except for Strip Poker and the PS3 but thats different.

The point is, most Manly Men don't like playing games. We believe in getting the girl without having to play games where we act all mysterious and chase the woman and basically make fools of ourselves. I like to think of us more as cavemen... we take what we want and we aren't shy about it.

The point is, if I give an HCHHSSTT my number or vice versa I expect a call or I will call her, but I will not play games about it. I know... I know... All women love the chase, they love knowing how important they are to men. They like to feel special and hey you can't blame women for wanting to feel special, even Manly Men have rare moments where they want to feel special. But let me just warn all you women out there, the chase tires us Manly Men to the point that when we finally get the girl, we're already too tired and bored to do anything and more than likely will sleep with you and then dump you. Its the way of the world and I have nothing to do with it.

My point is games are for kids, lets leave it to them. For the record just cause I don't like chasing women doesn't mean I'm not a Romantic.

My First Max

OK I won't lie, I got a new credit card and I did the most normal thing with it.

That's right I maxed it out.

Now, before most of you guys start laughing and saying derogatory things about me, I'd like you all to realise that every use of the card was well thought out and planned. In fact, I would go as far as to say that I planned it better than the Invasion of Normandy.

Now, most of you all are thinking that I probably used it on some HCHHSSTT's, but the fact of the matter is that I am not completely irresponsible. I used it for things that are way more important.

What kind of things you ask? Well unfortunately I am not at liberty to disclose that information. I just wanted to let you all know that I maxed out my credit card making wise decisions.

Anyways, the reason I am writing about this is because I want to figure out what it was that possessed me to max out this credit card. I mean was it because of "Need"? or was it because of "Want"? Man, it could also have been that I was possessed by Britnet Spears and made to max out my credit card? (and No, it wasn't female lingerie... we all know Britnet goes commando!) Finally, it could just be because I inherited my respective parents gene's and they both happen to be spend thrifts.

Quick Note: Now Mom and Dad if you are reading this, please don't get upset. This is how it is, personally I'd rather have spend thrifts for parents then a bunch of cheap people who didn't ever buy me anything awesome for my various birthdays. Thanks for that Aiwa system Mom and Dad thanks for the Enfield down payment.. see I appreciate you guys!

So I guess, it would come down to either "Need" or "Want", but really whats the difference I needed and wanted everything I bought. Isn't it awesome? and best of all I get to blame it on my gene's.

Life is good, God please don't take it all away from me.

My First bit of Wishful Thinking

OK first off I know its a long title, couldn't be helped. Secondly its not as bad as you think.

Its hard having women for friends, cause no matter how hard you try you almost always end up thinking about them sexually especially at the most inconvenient situations and this has the potential to lead to some really weird situations. Most of the time though its under control, at least we hope it is.

The problem arises when you meet a girl who you've known since she was a kid. This is where it gets hard and I'll explain why.

So there you are growing up with this girl who is a lot younger than you, lets say about 4- 7 years younger than you. Now, when you are growing up you don't have any dirty thoughts in your head,all you can think about are 101 different ways to make this girl's life miserable simply because you can (Yes, I was and am a bully... can't be helped its a character flaw!). In a way she's sorta like that sister you never had or in my case the sister you had but couldn't torment (not out of any fault of mine).

Now, fast forward 10 years to the future, the girl just turned 21 and you are about 26. This is where it gets tricky, cause now when you meet this girl she's all grown up and is literally an HCHHSSTT. So what do you do?

Well... I have no clue! There I was all confused, I didn't know whether to be all brotherly or whether to screw it all and just be lecherous and make a move.

The problem is, its a confusing situation for any guy, none of us guys know what to do! I mean the right thing to do is be all brotherly, but then again the right thing to do is to get the HCHHSSTT.

All those porn movies "Naughty America - My Best friends Sister", they all lie. Its never as easy as they make it out to be.

I guess in the end, you just hope the evening passes by really fast and you next time you see her, she no longer an HCHHSSTT or you happen to be dating a girl who is an Hotter HCHHSSTT.

Pfft... Wishful Thinking.

My First Admission

No, this is not about the time I was accepted into primary school and was ecstatic about it, or the time that one time when I first got into a strip club and didn't have to pay my way in.

This is basically me admitting to all my ardent readers out there why I blog. I mean sure there are tons of make belief reasons. It could be cause its a way for me to vent out my frustrations, its a nice way to air out my beliefs to the world. Maybe this was my way to let my family know that I do have some talent, deep down hidden talent... very very deep down.

I guess I could take the easy way out and say that "Yes" those are all the reasons why I write my blog, but the fact is I'd be lying to myself and more importantly YOU (Imagine a poster of Uncle Sam pointing at you!).

No, the three primary reasons behind me writing this blog are simple and in my opinion trumps all the above reasons, it may not be as awesome or as heart warming, but at least its the truth.

I write this blog in the hopes that one day somebody famous and powerful comes across it and realises my true potential as a writer of sorts, hell I'll even take a journalist job. I mean don't get me wrong I'm not fanatical about writing and I think all my grammatical and spelling mistakes have already shown all of you that, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't love being a journalist (specifically sports section!) or even a writer in Hollywood (that's a stretch but its a possibility!).

The second reason is basically an attempt at finding true love, that's right I yearn for the opportunity to find an HCHHSSTT through my blog. I can picture it now, a scantily clad woman surfing the net, comes across my blog and finds my topics riveting and she promptly decides to email me with pictures of her scantily clad. Now, most people will say this is a long shot, but fact is its a whole lot better than online dating. At least here I'm not making a blatant attempt at getting women! (OK, Now I am!)

The third and final reason is I hope to gain so much notoriety that my blog becomes so famous that I can finally have ads displayed all over it and make money from them, thereby becoming the next millionaire blogger! (This is also reaching, but possible!)

There you go, those are the reasons behind my logging in every day and writing about things that matter! Things that truly hit home! Things that nobody has the guts to write or talk about.
If you find this hard to believe, well then in the words of the Immortal Col. Nathan R. Jessep "You can't handle the truth!"

My First Selfish Post

You know I will be the first person to admit "I am Selfish!". Damn right I am selfish. If I wasn't selfish, then I believe that every tom, dick and harry is going to take advantage of me. If I wasn't selfish I'd find myself sharing all my food with other people and probably a few pounds lighter because of it. If I wasn't selfish then I wouldn't be out chasing HCHHSSTT's instead I'd be settling for any girl that came along. Oh hell if I wasn't selfish, I would never have left New York for Bombay... dammit!

The point of all the above self deprecation is simple, everybody is selfish to a certain extent. Some people are just more selfless than others and occasionally you get a few people that are more selfish.

Now, I'm generally proud of most of my selfish friends and family. I applaud their selfishism (I just created a new word) with great pride, but every once in a while when somebody does something that is stupidly selfish it just really upsets me.

I don't normally like to rant and rave, but since this is my Blog and I'm allowed to bitch all I want. I just wanted to take this opportunity to bitch against all those stupidyly (another new word, thats two in one post!) selfish people. Frankly all of you are giving the rest of us "normal" people a really bad name. I mean
come on, take a look in the mirror and grow up. Its not always about you. Sometimes its about the other people that fortunately for you, have surrounded you and given you the benefit of the doubt.

I'm not one to preach but to certain people with weird names that are stupidly selfish I say "Grow the fuck up you stupid bitch!" Now, please forgive me for my language it couldn't be helped.

Now I promise to post less with anger and rage and more with humor and gayness.

My First Semi Pseudo Secret

I'll let you guys into a little secret, every night before I go to bed I say a little prayer where I ask the Man above to make sure I don't have any dreams. But, honestly I love dreams, personally they make my day. Nothing beats an awesome dream. Its like your very own movie running through your head. I guess that prayer hasn't changed simply because I haven't updated my prayer, but I digress. Back to the matter at hand.

I mean there you are in your dream where all of a sudden you are Superman, granted you can't fly very high (cause maybe your sub conscious realizes that you are slightly big boned!), or there was this one time where I was driving a car jumped a massive hill and basically flew up in the air our of the car seat.. only to see the car land below and me about to land somewhere on the seat.

The funny part about dreams are, even the nightmares can be pretty cool. My most favourite nightmare was when I was being chased through my school halls by this random dude, and he was out to stab me. So there I was panicking! What should I do? Well, I let him stab me and pretended I was dead, only to get up and walk away once he was done! It was awesome! There are some nightmares that really piss you off, the one time I kept dreaming of spiders cause I watched some stupid movie named Eight Legged Freaks that only had spiders in it. Well lets just say I got so bored of the nightmare I couldn't get any sleep.

Finally, I come to my favourite dreams, that's right the explicit ones. Now, don't get all shy and lie to everybody saying you never have one. Everybody has these, its the way of the world. My most favourite one was me hooking up with 3 HCHHSSTT's at the same time! In some ways it was a nightmare because I didn't think I could live up to the pressure.

I guess the only bad thing about dreams are that you have to wake up from them, but damned they leave you smiling. Even the really weird ones... but that's another story.

My First Brownie

First, I'd like to apologize for the fact that I have been unable to blog for the last two days. Fact is I was sick at home and also I refused to leave my new PS3 alone at home. So, I killed two birds with one stone. I know all you avid readers missed me, so I've decided to make it up to all of you, my awesomely avid readers.

So, I'm going to talk about something that will stun people, simply because they don't realise it exists. I am going to talk about the Brownie System. Some of you will probably stop reading at this point and think that I'm talking out of my ass (if you don't stop now, you may be inclined to stop later. I implore you to keep reading till the end). For those of you that continue, the Brownie System is simple, it's the basis of all relationships.

The Brownie System works on the basis that all men will screw up in a relationship, especially us Manly Men. Let's face it, all that Manliness leads to us getting cocky (hehe!) and hence we say and make stupid mistakes. Cheating on a girl by the way and then getting caught is not a Manly Man mistake. Those are made by pussy men. However, I digress. I shall discuss this in detail in another post.

Anyways, the point is we know we're going to screw up, so in an effort to minimise the damage we do things. Things that are special. Things that are cliche. For instance, a buddy of mine was going to spend the day alone with his girlfriend in his house (parents out of town!) and so he decided to play the guitar for her and sing her a song. Let me tell you, that alone was worth 10 Brownie Points (Takes 100 Brownie Points to bring a girlfriend's anger down by one level). 10 Brownie Points are a lot in case you were wondering. Another friend of mine took a day off and spent it taking care of his sick girlfriend. Even I use the Brownie Point system, I would SMS my former ex-girlfriends sweet nothings that would leave their hearts a-flutter.

Now, the thing is the Brownie Point system can also be used for other things instead of just getting you out of trouble. You can trade it for favors, such as laundry, cooking or, my personal favourite, naked pictures.

The blessed part of the Brownie Point system is that you never lose the points, the rewards are great and they can be refunded when you break up by having break up sex. And if more credit card companies and airlines used the Brownie Point system instead of their current Miles system, they would see a mass increase in revenue.

The Brownie System is, in one word, Awesome.

Disclaimer: Brownie can be used on HCHHSSTT's but is not as effective as on regular girlfriends.